Have you ever had a great plot for a book, a fabulous new boardgame,
or an idea for a business, only to have somebody pick your brainstorming to pieces?
Isn't that annoying! One minute you're as happy as Larry over your plans to invent the next Trivial Pursuit or
open a trendy cafe, then five minutes later you feel miserable because a friend has poked holes in your euphoria!
All of us want to be successful at something, and it's good to set goals to achieve success - even if it's to pay
off a loan or be nice to your sister! And success doesn't mean being rich and famous. Being a success means you
are happy in what you do.
So what if you don't have the money to follow your ideas. That didn't stop the Apple Computer guys - they started
off their business in a garage. I'll bet someone laughed at their ideas too!
Imagine being able to paint like Monet and make a comfortable living out of it. Or a musician playing in a band.
Earning an income doing what you love would have to be the ultimate goal.
Goal setting starts very early. How many of us wanted to be hairdressers or ballet dancers or policewomen when
we were kids? The fact that we didn't follow up any of these careers matters not. It was fun just to think about
it.
As we get older and realise that ballet dancing really isn't for us after all, life becomes more serious and we
are under pressure to do things the 'right way', rather than what we really want to do.
Of course we must be realistic - we have to pay bills and eat. But what if you have dreams of doing something completely
different?
Say you work in a supermarket but have always wanted to work on radio. What's stopping you from giving it a shot?
Probably all those layers of self-doubt that have been heaped on by parents, teachers and friends...and you!
Thirty year old Steve started off his working life as a hairdresser, but he had that 'must be more to life' feeling.
He had a keen interest in philosophy and thought seriously about going to university to study further and maybe
become a teacher.
His ideas were met with ridicule from friends and family alike! Comments like 'you're just being lazy' and 'haven't
you grown up yet' didn't stop him! He is now in the middle of a degree and absolutely loves it. And he has never
studied so hard in his life!
Imagine if Steve listened to the killjoys, just to please their idea of what he should be doing? He would have
been totally miserable.
And I know of a girl who, when she was a 22 year-old office worker, decided to embark on a career as a broadcaster.
She funded herself through a course, worked for minimal pay in a local station to get experience, then packed up
and moved interstate to work for a small radio station!
It took about a year to get her first job - that was despite being told "sorry we already have a female announcer
here" at many stations!
She's far from rich, but has now moved to a major market and is very happy...and grateful for that inner voice
that managed to be heard above the clamor of the doubting... "just do it girl!".
The word 'proactive' is very useful. Instead of waiting for something to happen, proactive people actually make
it happen first. They don't even wait for an opinion - they just give it a shot. If it doesn't work out...ha!...stuff
happens. Move on!
Friends are good to bounce ideas off, and they usually mean well, but they can be a little too honest in their
advice. And most of the time we don't want their advice. We just want someone to say "what a cool idea!"
And sometimes people have a hidden agenda - they don't want you to be better than them!
Felicity, who is now in her early thirties, came from a family who were well-off financially, but not emotionally.
There wasn't much in the way of encouragement. Her mother was quite cold and unreceptive.
After working in a clothing company for an incompetent boss, Felicity quit and started her own lingerie business
right there in the loungeroom of her rented house.
Within twelve months, she was turning over one million dollars. Not bad for one girl against the world! In the
meantime, she lost many friends who couldn't cope with the fact that she was a successful businesswoman.
But she has gained many more valuable friends!
How can we learn to ignore the killjoys?
Many people are intimidated when they see friends or family trying to improve themselves. We are too quick to point
out shortcomings, but short on praise for initiative. It's called the Tall Poppy Syndrome, and it's usually people
who are unhappy with their lives because they lack the confidence to make small changes that might make them happy.
Perhaps they've inherited their attitudes from their parents.
When someone tells you about their plans to backpack around the world, do you immediately point out how someone
was killed in a foreign country just last week, or do you tell them how proud you are of them for wanting to explore
other cultures?
When a friend tells you her ideas for forming a rock band, do you really listen to what she has to say, or are
you busy formulating a speech on how she will "never crack it in the real world"?
Does your best friend have a hidden jealousy agenda? Do you have one? You don't want your friend to be in a rock
band because they might actually do well and upstage you?
It requires a bit of soul searching to realize you might be a killjoy. And it's a shock when you realize that your
family and friends can be too.
If they are, be honest and tell them how you feel.
It's too easy to be a killjoy. You don't have put any effort into mocking someone's grand plans. But a real friend
will listen, offer encouragement and assistance, but only advice when asked.
And if your best friend turns out to be the next rags-to-riches story, wouldn't it be a buzz hearing them credit
you for their success! |
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