Coffeerooms On DVD

Pandorum

2010-04-10T17:20:02Z

Pandorum
Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster
3 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

"Pandorum" is rapidly rolling, dark-toned, often scary sci-fi with a crazy crew, hungry humanoids and nuclear nastiness. It's survival of the fittest - or the fastest.

Astronaut Bower (boring Ben Foster) wakes up from hyper-sleep to find himself alone in deep space with no memory of who he is. As Bower's memory returns, he's joined by a second thawed out astronaut, Payton (Dennis Quaid, playing the film's only multi-dimensional character). The two men try to figure out what happened to the ship's crew and the 60,000 refugees escaping from Earth who were headed to a new home world.

Bower explores the ship as Payton tries to establish contact with the crew from the bridge. Bower encounters a crazed crew member being pursued by flesh-eating homicidal humanoids that move about unopposed at blinding speed. The racing roughnecks track down and tear apart their terrified quarry with merciless glee as Bowers cowers, unable to help.

Bower leads a group of mismatched survivors (is there any other kind?) that battle their ravenous foes while making the perilous journey to the ship's reactor in the hope of resetting it before it explodes.

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Bower is meant to be a captivating, charismatic hero. After all, he goes by one name, like Sade or Madonna. He's highly heroic, going hand-to-hand with the spike-wielding mutants, and in a scene that will test your "yuk" reflex, he's beyond brave when he tip-toes through the mutants' crowded, slimy slumber chamber in order to get to the reactor. But Foster is bland - an expressionless vessel whose better delivering punches rather than punch lines - Christopher Lambert (or lame-bert) comes to mind. Foster left a much more intense and diverse impression as Russell Crowe's second in command in the 2007 remake of "3:10 to Yuma."

Bower's love interest, German actress Antje Traue, is a hyperkinetic hottie, but you'll need a U.N. translator in order to wade through her heavily-accented, unintelligible utterances. Her character, Nadia, is a matter of convenience. As the "scientist" of the group, she provides the audience with the background info we crave... Why the passengers were forced to abandon earth, how the humans of board became entrees, and the origin of the augmented aliens. She's also the necessary love interest (albeit a greasy and violent one) - Bower's battlin' Eve to his intergalactic Adam.

The bad-ass blue bad guys who zip hungrily throughout the ship are plenty rabid and rapid - perfect sci-fi boogeymen whose sole reason for being is to devour their human enemies. But there might be a copyright infringement going on here - the creatures are near carbon copies of the subterranean slugs that made 2005's "The Decent" a claustrophobic classic. The recycled blue-colored brethren in "Pandorum" may be retreads, but they're just as just as scary the second time around.

The dark, dispassionate hallways and crumbling computers within the ship provide the goosepimply feeling of terror at every turn. The early scenes in which Bower begins his deadly game of hide seek with the blue-colored cannibals will make your nerve endings crackle. Once Bower joins forces with German karate chopping coquette Nadia, a Vietnamese Ninja and the ship's crazy cook, and Payton starts acting like he needs liberal doses of lithium, "Pandorum" spins toward a conventional conclusion.

An Extra Dose of Pandorum

One of the burning questions in the early part of the film is "Where's crewman Cooper?" In the short film "What Happened to Nadia's Dream?" a prequel to "Pandorum," we find out what happened to Cooper and the group of survivors he cast his lot with. It's an entertaining vignette that adds to the film's inventive back story.

Dennis Quaid's presence helps, but "Pandorum" is all about action rather than acting. Watching the unbowed band of space travelers battle the ship's shrieking savages is worth opening Pandorum's box.

The Fourth Kind

2010-04-10T17:09:08Z

The Fourth Kind
Milla Jovovich, Will Patton, Corey Johnson, Enzo Cilenti, Elias Koteas
3.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

"The Fourth Kind" is a different kind of E.T. experience. It's been advertised as "containing genuine disturbing documented archival footage" alongside dramatizations of hypnotized patients channeling ancient tongues, a graphic murder/suicide and a possible glimpse of an alien abduction.

The story begins with footage of the "real life" Dr. Abigail Tyler being interviewed by the film's writer and director, Olatunde Osunsanmi. Tyler (a hollow-eyed, skeletal psychologist who bears a striking resemblance to Celine Dion - therefore, she must be from another planet), unspools a tale that begins in Nome, Alaska with her husband's murder and ends with a second, more bizarre family tragedy. Somewhere in mid-sentence the interview dissolves into a scene with Mila Jovovich ("Resident Evil," "The Fifth Element") portraying Tyler.

Tyler flashes back to the time when she began putting her life back together after finding her husband lying next to her one morning stabbed through the chest. Her husband's murder was such a shock to her daughter, (name), that she went blind, and her son, (name), hold's Tyler responsible for his father's death and his sister's psychosomatic condition.

Returning to her practice, Tyler begins treating three paranoid patients. Separately, each patient tells her an identical story... They wake up at 3 a.m., finding themselves being observed by an owl.

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Tyler's actions anger Sheriff August (Will Patton, a standout in "Remember the Titans" and "No Way Out"), who's been stymied in his attempts to find out what's been causing the increased number of murders and disappearances in the area. When a second patient, Scott Stracinsky, begs Tyler to put him under in order to release his inner turmoil, Tyler, calls in her friend Dr. Abel Campos (Elias Koteas, formerly the worst actor of all time) and Dr. Awolowa Odusami (Hakeem Kae Kazim, a great name for a genie, not an actor) to assist her.

Scott reacts violently to being hypnotized, his body thrashing and levitating from the bed as he spouts threats to humanity in ancient Sumerian. The session leaves Scott paralyzed from the neck down and will leave you terrified from the neck up.

Tyler's irresponsible behavior pushes August to the brink of arresting her, but an equally skeptical Campos offers enough murky corroboration to keep her from wearing stripped pajamas. ("I was there! You can't arrest her for something you don't understand!"). August acquiesces. Placing Tyler under what amounts to house arrest, he stations an officer outside her home.

At 3 a.m., the officer is startled by a bright light that appears over Tyler's house. Turning on his video camera, he films a large shadow passing overhead. (This is supposed to be part of the actual archival footage, kids.) Naturally, the strange doings cause so much interference the visual is obscured by static at the most opportune moment, but the audio still works, so we get to hear the astounded officer shout "Oh my God! There's something taking them out of the house!"

When August arrives, a hysterical Tyler greets him with more bad news. August acts to save her son by shipping him off to child services. ("You've run out of all the good will I've got," a flustered August utters.) With her life dissolving, Tyler feels she has no choice. She asks Drs. Campos and Odusami to hypnotize her in order to find out what's really going on...

You'll have to decide if the documented footage is real or not. Jovovich introduces the film as herself with teasing lines like "Every dramaticized scene in this movie is supported by either archival audio, video or it was related by Dr. Tyler during extensive interviews with the director. In the end what you believe is yours to decide." I was bothered by a nagging question (well, not just one)... If the producers had genuine footage of an actual abduction and interviews with the real Dr. Tyler, then why did they need actors?

Jovovich is credible as Dr. Tyler, although no matter how much she dresses down in L.L. Bean plaid shirts and jeans, she still looks like she belongs on the catwalk instead of walking in mukluks.

After decades of ruinous performances, Elias Koteas seems to have found a niche playing Tyler's well-intentioned, non-believing friend and mentor. Will Patton's performance as Sheriff August is thankless, but vital. August could have been a one dimensional adversary for Tyler, but Patton balances his frustrations with his unsaid sympathy for a woman who's lost her husband, is about to lose her children and seems to be losing her mind.

The archival footage in which Scott jerks violently into an upright position, his mouth wide open, barfing Sumerian, is the film's defining moment. I've always subscribed to the theory that if there are aliens out there watching us they haven't come in peace and will likely leave humanity in pieces. "The Fourth Kind" bursts the big-headed buddy-buddy foolery of "E.T." and movies like it, re-establishing spacemen as angry extraterrestrials.

Real or not, "The Fourth Kind" will make you shiver and check the trees for owls.

Law Abiding Citizen

2010-04-10T16:43:32Z

Law Abiding Citizen
Jaime Foxx
2 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

Congratulations, Jaime Foxx, you have surpassed Elias Korteas as the least talented actor of all time. Based on his wake-me-up-when-it's-over performance as prosecutor Nick Rice in "Law Abiding Citizen," Foxx should be arrested for impersonation an actor. The next award he should get should be the first shot at getting fried by Old Sparky when the warden flips the switch.

Lost in Foxx's huff-and-puff performance as Nick Rice is a brilliant turn by Gerald "300 Spartans" Butler, who plays master criminal Clyde Shelton, the law abiding citizen in question. Shelton helplessly watched as his wife and daughter were slaughtered before his eyes by a pair of home invaders, Clarence Darby and Rupert Ames.

In order to send Ames to death row (and to protect his 96% conviction rate), Rice cuts a deal with the very sleazy Clarence Darby (a great boos-hiss turn by Christian Stolte). Darby's lying through his rotten teeth about his role in the murder and Rice is too busy lining up his next case and coddling his viola-playing daughter to notice the wrong guy's going to get a lethal injection. Incensed that Rice would cut a deal with a killer rather risk a trial, Shelton seethes at the prosecutor's betrayal.

Ten years pass and Ames is finally set to be executed, still pointing a wobbly finger at Darby even as he nods off. But the execution goes horribly wrong when Ames dies screaming in agony. Aha... As improbable as it seems, someone spiked Ames' sayonara serum.

Soon after, Darby receives an anonymous phone call telling him the police are coming to question him about Ames' death. Darby escapes with the help of his benefactor, who tells him to carjack a snoozing police officer and take his gun. Darby is caught off guard when the sheepish officer turns out to Shelton. He attempts to shoot Shelton, but when he presses the trigger, he's injected with a toxin that paralyzes him.

Shelton takes Darby to an abandoned warehouse, revealing he intercepted Ames' lethal injection and doctored the contents so Ames would suffer. He plans to make Darby suffer even more.

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Shelton agrees to confess to dissecting Darby in exchange for an expensive mattress that will comfort his delicate back. An angry Rice gives in, but at his hearing, Shelton, acting as his own counsel, cites legal residence, making the same judge that presided over the Darby/Ames trial (frequent "Law and Order" guest star Anne Corley) agree with him that Rice has no case. She's about to set bail when Shelton goes into a tirade, seething that the judge would swallow his mumbo jumbo. Instead of going free, Shelton is tossed in jail.

Shelton gets his mattress and confesses to killing Darby and Ames, then nonchalantly tells Rice, "By the way, I kidnapped the lawyer that defended them." Shelton proposes another deal with Rice: if a gourmet dinner is delivered to him by 1:00 p.m. - sharp - he'll tell Rice where he stashed the lawyer. (Presumably, the meal is to be served with rice.)

The warden delays the delivery and the meal arrives eight minutes late. By the time Rice and Detective Dunnigan (the always entertaining Colm Meaney) reach the site where the lawyer was buried alive, well, he's dead. Had the meal arrived by one o'clock, there would have been enough time to dig the counselor out.

Shelton shares his meal with his redneck cellmate, then, using a bone from his steak, brutally murders him. He's put in solitary - exactly where he wants to be.

From his cell, Shelton exacts his vengeance against the judge. As she's agreeing with Rice and District Attorney Jonas Cantrell (hey it's Bruce McGill, D-day from "Animal House") that it's okay to violate Shelton's civil rights, she answers her cell phone. It explodes, killing her. Talk about a wrong number.

Shelton warns Rice that others will die because he didn't keep his word - and they do - in spectacular fashion, until its mano-a-mano, Shelton's intellect against Rice's steadfast belief in an obviously flawed judicial system:

Rice: You think your wife and daughter would feel good about you killing in
their name?
Shelton: My wife and daughter can't feel anything. They're dead.

As blustery, boneheaded and braying as Foxx's Rice is, Butler's Shelton is his opposite - a study in cool, conniving conviction. He's a step above the typical genius gone bad, mainly because he's right. You'll cheer when he dismembers the despicable Darby and makes Rice bend the rules in order to deflate the injustice in the justice system.

Originally Butler, who co-produced the film, planned to play Rice and Foxx was signed on to play Shelton. That certainly would have broken several laws of nature.

Foxx has been hopelessly miscast before as an idiosyncratic homeless musician in "The Soloist" (see my September 3, 2009 review) and as Tubbs in the laughable remake of "Miami Vice," to name a few. That he received an Oscar for playing Ray Charles not only proves the Academy is as blind as Brother Ray, but that Ray's personality was big enough to transcend Foxx's lack of skills. In "Citizen" Foxx speaks with the clarity of a Bill Cosby cartoon character or a toothless longshoreman. True, not all lawyers have the oratory skills of Orson Welles, but if you sent mush-mouthed Foxx in to defend a traffic ticket his lack of grace and cock-sure attitude might get you a ticket to death row. That Rice feels no responsibility and bears no guilt for the deaths of half a dozen people and is arrogant and selfish is a major flaw in Kurt Wimmer's script that no amount of posturing by Foxx can fix.

Supporting roles by McGill (the boss with the good heart) and Meaney (diligent Detective Dunnigan) are all too brief and never fleshed out. Meany appears out of nowhere and if McGill's Cantrell was a real person he'd lose his post for giving Rice way too many chances to bollocks things up.

Viola Davis' career continues to be a series of cameos. In "Citizen" she gets three scenes as the Mayor of Philadelphia, but her get-results-or-else threats are hollow - she actually promotes Rice for screwing up. Davis' forced frowning countenance is a far cry from her emotional Oscar nominated cameo in "Doubt."

You know the supporting characters are going to fall like bowling pins because they're such nice naive people, particularly Rice's Polly Purebread assistant Sara Lowell (Leslie Bibb) and his mentor/buddy Jonas Cantrell. Both go out with a bang. Lowell is the typical eager-to-please energetic go-getter, but the way her expression goes from frenzied to one resignation is unforgettable.

Creative plot twists, Butler's unique villainy, the explosive special effects and the ongoing mystery of how Shelton is able to so easily out wit dozens of lawyers, police and F.B.I. agents make "Citizen" worth watching. As for Jaime Foxx - he's one citizen that deserves a full body cavity search.

District 9

2010-02-12T14:53:50Z

District 9
Sharlto Copley, David James, Jason Cope, Nathalie Boltt,
4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

"District 9" isn't your run of the mill aliens invade earth with bad intent sci-fi thriller. It's in a district all by itself. For one thing it takes place in Johannesburg instead of New York, Los Angeles or some other city that thinks it's the center of the universe. How many sci-fi movies can you name that take place in South Africa? "District 9" also mirrors the nasty, racially-charged undercurrents of Apartheid, with aliens being treated like second class vermin. In most sci-fi films humans are either inferior in strength or intellect, and in other flicks we're just lunch. In "District 9" mankind has the upper hand and we're using it to repeatedly bitch slap a needy species.

The aliens are referred to as "prawns," a disparaging reference to their resemblance to a surf and turf special minus the turf. The shrimp-meets-cockroach aliens have been stranded on earth for the past twenty years, their crippled spaceship hovering silently above Johannesburg. We're told the prawns' sorry situation sprang from a malfunction that damaged their ship's engines, followed by a biological epidemic that killed the intelligent commanding officers, leaving the inferior worker bee subordinates to fend for themselves. Starving, diseased and marooned, the remaining prawns were rescued by humans, who segregated them in a crime-ridden section of Johannesburg, where they were preyed upon by Nigerian gangsters. In order to survive, the prawns now trade the weapons they salvaged from their ship for cat food. (I'm not sure if its shrimp flavored.) The weapons, which are organic, can only be fired by the prawns. Obesandjo, the wheelchair bound leader of the Nigerian gang, is convinced there's a way he can adapt his broken body so he can fire the weapons. Unfortunately for the prawns, Obesandjo believes that the best way to become a prawn is to eat one, so he frequently murders the prawns he deals with in the hope of literally chewing up their technology. And even worse for the prawns - unbeknownst to everyone but a handful of high security honchos, Multinational United (MNU), a government agency, has been experimenting on kidnapped prawns, trying to develop their own method of integrating the alien technology into the human body.
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Rather than root through the refuse for Friskies, one of the prawns, Christopher Johnson (considered smarter than the others and worth watching), has spent two decades salvaging computer components. He's been distilling a liquid that will fire up the engines of the damaged ship and take his people home, but when Wikus knocks on his door, demanding he relocate, the forced evacuation drastically changes everyone's plans. When Wikus accidentally comes in contact with the liquid and begins to morph into a prawn his world is turned inside out. The pursuer becomes the pursued - Frankenstein chased by the villagers. MNU wants to see if a man infused with alien DNA can fire the prawn's weaponry - and Obesandjo wants him as an entrée for the same reason. Wikus is forced to live like a prawn, negotiating for cat food, running from government agents eager to dissect him. In order to find a cure for his encroaching metamorphosis and send Charlie home, he forms an uneasy alliance a creature he'd persecuted only days before.

Copley gives a wide-ranging performance. In the film's early scenes he's a smug pawn, an incompetent boob lucky to have married well. He's clueless about his father-in-law's capacity for self-preservation and dear ol' daddy's desire to make his daughter a widow. Wikus' marriage is his only success, and as he morphs into a prawn, it's the one thing that keeps him alive. Wikus goes from being a hard-headed, hard-hearted hump to a sympathetic soft-shelled soul who sees the light, and Copley is brilliant in conveying his transformation. Given its Copley's first acting role, I can't wait to see what he does next.

Square-jawed, maniacal Piet Smit masks his hatred of Wikus' devotion to his beloved daughter, tossing him on the trash heap the first chance he gets. Louis Minnaar does a lot with a character that's mostly a sneer and a heart of lead. As Colonel Koobus Venter, the sadistic head of the military arm in charge of relocating the prawns, David James accurately captures the black heart of a mercenary who loves his work too much, bumping off prawns like pawns in a game of chess. Awash with voodoo undertones, planted in a wheelchair and brandishing a perpetually crazed look, Eugene Khumbanyiwa marinates in a role that requires him to play a nutty Nigerian determined to play God.

The prawns aren't very scary; they really do look like they stepped out of a Red Lobster menu. (Jason Cope, who plays the dual roles of a reporter and Christopher Johnson) developed their clickity-clackity language, a combination of Nigerian and Helen Keller mumbling that gets a bit obtrusive at times (don't worry, there are subtitles) but serves to make the prawns look more human than their flesh and blood counterparts.

There are a number of entertaining comedic moments, such as Wikus' encounter with an upchucking prawn, or watching him bumble through his delusional role as a conquering hero. The special effects are at least a nine as well, especially the scene in which Wikus dons a robot tank suit and battles Colonel Ventor's genocidal G.I.'s, or the sickening sight of MNU's laboratory, a crustacean chamber of horrors where prawns are iced, sliced and diced.

Although "District 9" is first-rate sci-fi, at the core of the story is a theme that audiences will identify with. Wikus is a misguided man facing his petty prejudices who wants nothing more than to return to the arms of his loving wife - and there's nothing alien about that.

Paranormal Activity

2010-02-12T14:44:16Z

Paranormal Activity
Kate Featherston, Micah Sloat
4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

There's plenty of gripping activity - paranormal and otherwise - in this claustrophobic ghost story. "Paranormal Activity" proves you don't need a big budget, endless slasher scenes or mutant mayhem to register high grade chills.

Writer/director Oren Peli's simple script uses fear and the audience's apprehension to create an edge-of-your-seat tension-filled atmosphere that fires up the imagination. There were moments in this iconic Indie production when my heart skipped and I jumped in my seat - and I haven't done that since a dead body popped out of a sunken hull in "Jaws."

"Paranormal Activity" centers around Kate, a college student and her boyfriend, Micah, a day-trader. The only crimp in the San Diego couple's connubial bliss is the spirit that's haunted Kate since her childhood. It's followed her from place to place, and is now making its presence known in the couple's two-story apartment.

Micah buys a video camera in the hope of catching the ghost going bump in the night. At first the camera doesn't register anything more than the couple sleeping peacefully. As the nights pass, lights click on and off by themselves, objects appear to move on their own, raspy voices whisper and shapeless shadows silently stalk across the room. The ghost's actions escalate, prompting Kate to contact a psychic who immediately feels the spirit's "negative energy" and urges the couple to seek help from a higher authority (not God, a more qualified psychic). The psychic also warns the couple not to try and communicate with the spirit. To Micah, the warning is like telling a precocious child not to stick a wet finger into a light socket. Against Kate's vehement protests, Micah gets a Ouija Board, challenging the ghost to talk to him. That night the camera records the Ouija Board going up in flames. Challenge answered - and the ghost is now very, very angry...
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It would have been easy for Peli to fall into horror movie clichés, creating a snaggle-toothed wraith that terrorizes the couple, or having Kate spit green pea soup and spin her head around. What makes "Paranormal Activity" so frightening is not what you see, but what your mind thinks it sees. We're given glimpses of the malevolent ghost - a crossing shadow, footprints. It's the atmosphere of dread, the anticipation of danger, and the unanswered questions that will keep you wide-eyed. Does the ghost live in the attic? (Okay, ghosts don't live.) What's the significance of the scorched childhood photo of Kate, and where did it come from? Why does the ghost haunt Kate? We're given hints, but it's up to the audience's imagination to fill in the blanks, which serves to tap into those childhood fears you thought you'd buried long ago.

If it wasn't for one of the actors giving a slightly off-putting performance I'd give "Paranormal" a full five stars. (Since it's essentially a two character movie, casting is a serious matter.) Yes, it's true, leading lady Kate Featherston answered an ad posted on Craigslist and won the role. She and her co-star Micah Sloat were paid $500 for their roles - I bet they wish they had a share of the profits instead. Featherstone isn't what you'd expect in a horror flick, given it takes place mostly in a bedroom. She's no big-lunged scantily clad blonde bimbo. (If this were a lesser film I'd be upset about that.) That Featherstone looks like the average big-boned brunette you might pass on the street is an advantage - her slightly freckled All American look makes her a more believable victim. On the other hand, as Kate's non-believing, over confident, obnoxious boyfriend, Sloat's annoying activities pushed a few too many of my negative buttons. I'll give him some props - at the beginning of the film I hated him for his stubbornness and how he trivialized Kate's fears. By the end of the movie, Micah was more of the white knight he was supposed to be, but Sloat's nay saying nagging made him hard to like; he needed to ease up on the intensity accelerator a bit.

Sit down with someone you can hang on to when you watch "Paranormal Activity." But make sure you leave the lights on.

Star Trek

2010-02-01T14:41:23Z

Star Trek
Chris Pine, Zackary Qunito
4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

Star Trek is a science fiction dynasty. Even though it aired on TV in the late 60s, there's a legion of fans that can quote you entire passages from episode six, season one. They're called Trekkies (or is it Trekkors?) and they made so much noise after the TV series was cancelled prematurely in 1969 that their cards, letters and conventions finally prompted Universal Studios to bring back the cast for a big screen adventure in 1979's "Star Trek: The Motion Picture." Trek revisited was an extravagant bore, but was enough of a financial success to warrant a second classic film, "The Wrath of Khan," which featured Corinthian leather King/Fantasy Island father figure Ricardo Montalban chewing up the scenery alongside a very hammy William Shatner. Unfortunately, the cast got too old to pretend to be thirty something's gallivanting around the universe, and sadly, two members of the crew, DeForrest Kelly (Dr. McCoy) and James Doohan (Scotty) have been beamed up to that great transporter room in the sky.

The franchise was revived when "The Next Generation" crew hit the screen, but age and lukewarm plots caught up to Patrick Stewart's bunch as well. As the new millennium dawned, what Star Trek needed was new blood - an entirely new cast of young guns that could bring the next generation of movie goers back into the theaters.
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Well, I'm happy to say the remake of "Star Trek" lives up to the lofty reputation of its namesake. The new cast may not be as accomplished as the originals space truckers, but the action is non-stop. It's no "Wrath of Khan," but it won't incur your wrath either.

The plot takes place in a galaxy far far away. (Wait a minute, that's the wrong franchise.) The starship U.S.S. Kelvin, with first officer George Kirk and his pregnant wife on board, is attacked by a ship captained by Romulan renegade Nero. The Kelvin gets the very short end of a hull-crushing fusillade. George nobly sacrifices himself and the Kelvin by ramming Nero's ship and lives long enough to hear his son, James, being born. Flash forward to scenes of James Kirk's misspent youth and Spock being emotionally tormented because he's half-human and half Vulcan. Barroom brawler Kirk is straightened out by Captain Christopher Pike, a revered Starfleet officer, who challenges Kirk to follow in his father's footsteps: "Your father was Captain of a starship for twelve minutes. He saved eight hundred lives, including your mother's and yours," Pike says. "I dare you to do better." Meanwhile, Spock declines an offer to serve on the Vulcan high council and joins Starfleet, where he quickly rises through the ranks and devises the Kobayashi Maneuver, a test for cadets with no solution that Kirk manages to solve by cheating. As a result, the two become adversaries; but their personal war will have to wait - word comes that Spock's home planet, Vulcan, is being threatened by a strange anomaly (is there any other kind?)

The starship Enterprise, commanded by Captain Pike, is sent to find out what's threatening Vulcan's atmosphere. The anomaly is a trap and they're attacked by Nero, who has reappeared, intent on making Spock, the man who destroyed his planet, witness the destruction of his own world...

There are a few creative twists and turns in the plot that plays fast and loose with Star Trek lore. There's from out of left field Ulhura/Spock romance, and the death of Spock's earth-born mother ("Father Knows Best" mom Jane Wyatt played Spock's very much alive mater in the TV series.) And I'll let you try and figure out how an alien that lives zillions of light years from Earth wound up with the name of one of our most nefarious ancient rulers. But the biggest busting of a Star Trek sacred cow is the main plot itself. In an episode of the original series, "The Balance of Terror" (which featured Mark Lenard, who would later play Spock's father, Sarak), the writers took great pains to tell the viewers that it was the first time Romulans and humans had made contact. (I remember this because "Balance of Terror" happens to be my second favorite "Star Trek" episode.) Since the action in "Balance of Terror" took place in the future when Kirk and his crew are seasoned space travelers, and the plot of the new Star Trek movie takes place in their past during the crew's first assignment when they encounter the Romulans, it's safe to say that the movie messes with a sacred time line. It's kind of like finding out that Patrick Duffy dreamed a whole season of Dallas, or the equivalent of sneaking Dick Sergeant in to replace Dick York on "Bewitched" hoping no on would notice. Yeah it's a gyp if you're a Star Trek purist, but the fast-paced action might make even the most die hard Trekkie forgive the revisionist plot line.

In the battle of who's better, the original cast is light years ahead. By the time the first "Star Trek" flick hit the theaters, the original cast had lived their roles for so long we forgot they were acting; fans really believed that Canadian James Doohan ran around shouting "I haven't got the power, Captain!" in a Scottish brogue and that sword-wielding George Takei was really a man's man (no, not that way). In time, fans may come to feel the same way about the new cast.

Chris Pine's Kirk is an arrogant, hard-headed brawler who cranes his neck like a horny teenager every time a pretty woman is within hailing frequencies. If you think William Shatner's Kirk was over the top, wait till you see Pine go to warp factor eight on the over-acting scale. The role of Kirk calls for a bit of brag adagio and a heavy dose of libido, but Pine turns Kirk's into a swashbuckling superhero, making him more like an intergalactic roadrunner than a human being. Pine has a knack for comedy and brawling, but tends to shout his lines like "Saturday Night Live's" Garrett Morris providing closed captioning for the deaf.

Seeing an emotional Spock is, as he would put it, "fascinating," but having him act squirrelly at inopportune times does not compute. Zackary Qunito is more in control of his performance when he taps into Spock's more expected stoic nature. Quinto's Spock is so unstable, Don Knotts could hold it together better than he could. Plus having the original Spock on board as a wizened version of himself just shows that Leonard Nimoy owns the role.

Simon Pegg's Scotty serves as Trek's quirky comic relief. But Pegg's appearance is a near cameo and his screwy Scotsman act comes as the action is building toward a dramatic showdown, so his amusing appearance is a welcome, but an ill-timed distraction. It would have helped the flow of the action to have Scotty introduced at the same time as the rest of the crew. James Doohan played the role with the right amount of pride, panic and passion. Pegg's Scotty is a fool; a boozy buffoon who seems incapable of coming up with a theory that people can be teleported from one place to another.

Karl Urban matches up well with DeForrest Kelly's snide Southern sense of humor. The scene in which he sneaks Kirk on board The Enterprise by repeatedly injecting him with a virus in order to make him appear sick is one of the most amusing scenes in the movie. Zoe Saldana doesn't have Nichelle Nicholas' exotic looks, but she's not a Horta either. This Ulhura is part Ninja warrior, more in-your-face than the original, which goes along with the film's action environment. Her interspecies affair with Spock is an interesting but awkward idea that's bound to be fleshed out in future flicks. Anton Yelchin's Chekov is a badly accented caricature of Walter Koenig's blustery teen idol original. Say Das vadanya, Anton. John Cho's Sulu is less steeped in Asian lore than George Takei's version, but he handles a sword better (no, not that kind of sword) and is given a more personable relationship with Kirk.

Bruce Greenwood ("St. Elsewhere," "Nowhere Man") is an excellent actor, but, in my opinion, Captain Christopher Pike is was and shall always be the property of Jeffrey Hunter, who was so ridiculously handsome and viral he starred opposite John Wayne in "The Searchers" and played Jesus Christ in "King of Kings." (Hunter also happened to star in my favorite Star Trek episode, "The Cage.") Greenwood humanizes the role in his early scenes with Chris Pine that focus on the Pike-Kirk/mentor-grasshopper relationship, but Hunter put his indelible stamp on the role by making Pike look even more heroic than William Shatner's Kirk. (The original TV series was supposed to star Hunter as Captain Pike. When NBC demanded the pilot be reshot because it was too cerebral, Hunter pulled out to star in a movie and Shatner was called in.)

As for a tightly-wound Eric Bana, who sports a Mike Tyson-like facial tattoo as Nero, he's a credible actor, but he's given little to do except sneer, threaten and grit his teeth. He's really good at it, though. Tyler Perry, who's everywhere these days, gets in two scenes as Admiral Richard Barnett, but looks a bit befuddled. Stay behind the camera, Tyler. Wynona Ryder impresses as Spock's soft spoken loving, human mom. Welcome back to the acting world, Wynona.

The new franchise has a way to go before they make a film that matches the quality of "The Wrath of Khan" (which is rumored to be the next remake on the launch pad). "Star Trek's" action is invigorating, which helps mask the dubious storyline. Still, the maiden voyage of the new crew shows a lot or promise. If the cast and crew keep improving, then the new "Star Trek" will live long and prosper.

Public Enemies

2010-02-01T14:29:18Z

Public Enemies
Johnny Depp
4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

A good gangster film like "Bonnie and Clyde" or "The St. Valentine's Day Massacre" will take grim moments in criminal history and turn them into romantic folklore. Great gangster movies like "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas" make you feel like you're part of the action - and will leave you quoting the character's signature lines.

With that in mind, "Public Enemies" is a very good gangster/bank robber movie; there aren't any iconic lines, but the action is fast and dangerous. "Public Enemies" is a realistic recreation of the Depression era, a time when working stiffs betrayed by failed banks looked up to the criminals that pilfered those same lending institutions.
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A romantic figure to many (especially to those in the Mid West who admired his Robin Hood veneer and helped him hide out), Dillinger pulled bank jobs using ingenuity rather than muscle, passing off his gang as a film crew or posing as a security alarm salesman in order to slip by the guards. Unlike his contemporaries, the sociopathic Charles "Pretty Boy" Floyd and psychopathic Lester "Baby Face Nelson" Gillis, Dillinger seemed to go out of his way to avoid bloodshed. Johnny Depp's portrayal of Dillinger is based on the bank robber's media-friendly image. The man himself is more of a mystery, particularly what motivated him, but we're given a brief glimpse between bank jobs:

Billie Frenchette: I don't know anything about you.
Dillinger: I was raised on a farm in Mooresville, Indiana. My mama died when I was three. My daddy beat the hell outta me 'cause he didn't know no better way to raise me. I like baseball, good clothes, fast cars, whiskey and you. What else do you need to know?

"Public Enemies" validates Johnny Depp's chameleon-like acting abilities. I loved his drunken seafaring imitation of Keith Richards in "The Pirates of the Caribbean," as well as his cross-dressing canonization of director Ed Wood. My personal fave is Depp's on the run wounded cowboy in "Dead Man," a film few have seen. Is he up for the challenge of portraying Dillinger, a desperado so ingrained in our mind that everybody has a preconceived notion of what he should look like, the way he should talk, and act? (In my mind he's a bit like Humphrey Bogart.)

The answer, of course, is yes. Depp turns Dillinger into a charming, charismatic rock star who dotes on his girl, poses for pictures with cops, cracks wise about the few days he has left, and seems determined to live them in style. Chalk up another acting triumph for Johnny.

As Dillinger's adversary, Christian Bale's Melvin Purvis sounds like George Bush, Jr. and is about as stuffy. A man of honor, Purvis chafes at F.B.I. boss J. Edgar Hoover's lack of scruples. Bale captures Purvis' lock-jawed determination and conflicted personality as if he wearing Purvis' skin. You can tell he studied his character's every nuance.

Billy Crudup gets his crud up (I love saying that) as Hoover. Crudup's Hoover is modeled after what we learned about the secretive head of the secret service after his death; he was prissy, fussy, and as equally obsessed with his image as he was with killing Dillinger. Despite being a good guy, Crudup's Hoover is contemptible, not above threatening his subordinates ("Take off the white gloves, Mr. Purvis"), manufacturing lies for the press or allowing his agents to "question" a woman with their fists. You'll hiss when he's on screen, which means Billy didn't do a cruddy job - he's first-rate.

Oddly, its Marion Cotillard portrayal of gun moll Billie Frenchette that keeps "Public Enemies" from being a sure fire hit. Her role as Dillinger's love interest is overstated and boring. Whenever she's on screen the action screeches to a halt faster than a Packard hitting a police van. True, most great films have a love story, but this one's D.O.A. I try not to make fun of a person's infirmities, but the distracting mole in the center of Cotillard's head is so big it looks like a third eye, and the effort to de-glam her to fit her role as a hat check girl worked too well - she looks like the butt end of a machine gun. Couple her empty personality with that intermittent comical Canadian accent that makes her sound like a drunken hockey player, and it's hard to believe that Cotillard was nominated for an Oscar let alone won one.

Stephen Lang (Ike Clanton in "Tombstone") is remarkable as unsmiling, business-like Charles Winstead, the Texas Ranger who fired the shots that propelled Dillinger toward immortality. Lang's Winstead maintains a steely-eyed, knotted expression throughout the action, yet in the end he shows he has more of a heart than either Hoover or Purvis.

As captivating as the cast and mouse struggle between Dillinger and Purvis is, "Public Enemies" other sub plots pale by comparison. The supporting characters personalities are skeletal as prisoners trapped on Alcatraz. The film is called "Public Enemies," not "The John Dillinger Story." True, Baby Face Nelson is pretty easy to figure out - he's a psychotic, trigger-mad imp who takes his insecurities out on the world, but it would have been nice to see Stephen Graham's blood-thirsty portrayal given more substance. Pretty Boy Floyd's death is little more than a cameo, and too many of Dillinger's bank-looting cronies come across as faceless targets. One of the more interesting (and true) incidents in the film is when Dillinger breaks out of jail with the help of Herbert Youngblood, a black man. Equal opportunity employment, especially among hoods and gangsters, was rare in the 30s, so it might have been an interesting aside to find out more about the Dillinger/Youngblood back story, especially since Dillinger treats "Mr. Youngblood" with such reverence.

There are more historical inaccuracies in the film than there are bullets in a Thompson Sub-Machine gun (that'd be about 100). The filmmakers would lead you to believe that Pretty Boy Floyd and Baby Face Nelson were exterminated before Dillinger; in fact, Nelson became Public Enemy No. 1 following Dillinger's demise. The Dillinger/Frenchette love story is a necessary ploy device, but Polly Hamilton (Leelee Sobieski) was his girl; it was Polly's picture that Dillinger was carrying around inside his pocket watch the night he was dusted, not Billie's. The romantic subplot would have mattered if luscious Leelee Sobieski was the lead lady instead of third eye Cotillard. Other moments are manufactured or exaggerated for dramatic effect, such as the shoot out at the Little Bohemia Lodge. In reality, Baby Face fired a few rounds at the Feds as he and Dillinger escaped. Although Baby Face brought down a Fed, there was no battle royale as depicted in "Public Enemies," but the night time showdown is a rat-a-tat blast and one of the film's most noteworthy scenes.

There are other made up moments, such as having Dillinger calmly stroll into the police station to check out photos, folders and news clips of himself. The brief face-to-face showdown between Purvis and Dillinger never occurred, but it's not hard to figure out why it was added. Watching Depp and Bale trade barbs is like witnessing an epic battle between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier; they both hit so hard you're not sure who's going to deliver the knockout punch.

If you're really into Dillinger, there's an earlier unapologetic, more visceral and definitely less romantic self-titled flick about the notorious bank robber filmed in 1973 starring rough and tumble character actor Warren Oates, the only thesp to ever play Dillinger who actually looked like him. The rest of the cast are tailor made for their roles with Ben Johnson as Melvin Purvis, Michelle Phillips as Billie Frenchette, Cloris Leachman as Anna Sage (the lady in red who lured Dillinger to his death) and Richard Dreyfuss as kill-crazy Baby Face Nelson (!)

So take "Public Enemies" into the privacy of your home. Depp's in-depth performance will leave you saying, "Go, Johnny, go."

Drag Me to Hell

2009-11-23T15:40:01Z

Drag Me to Hell
Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Ruth Livier, Lorna Raver
3.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

What the hell? A funny horror movie? "Drag Me to Hell" is an inventive, entertaining horror flick pulled from the twisted imagination of Sam Riami. Raimi gave us the very visceral "Evil Dead" series and "Army of Darkness," a hilarious howler in which hardware store hero Bruce Campbell gets teleported back to the 14th century and winds up battling skeletons with a chain saw attached to his arm. "Darkness" was rife with blood and guts, but was balanced by witty one-liners and gut-busting visuals. (Campbell's Three Stooges inspired eye-poking scene with a bunch of skeletal appendages will tickle your funny bone.)

Riami's latest, "Drag Me to Hell" isn't your typical slasher, mangled mutant or poltergeist blood bath. Riami deftly employs tension, surprise and slapstick to create some must see madness.

Christine Brown's future looks heavenly - she's up for a promotion at the bank and has an ideal relationship with her boyfriend, Clay Dalton (pretty All American boy Justin Long). It all goes to hell in one afternoon. Her chief competition for the assistant manager job, sleazy, posterior-kissing Stu Rubin (weasely Reggie Lee), is making progress buttering up their bottom line boss, Mr. Jacks (uptight David Paymer). Mr. Jacks tells Chris (squeaky clean Alison Lohman) she might have a better chance at getting the job if she can show him she can make the tough decisions. In walks Mrs. Ganush (a rave perf by Lorna Raver), an old, sickly gypsy with a milky blind eye and rotting finger nails (which figure heavily in helping to establish tension in the plot). Mrs. Ganush asks Chris for a third extension on her mortgage. Seizing the moment, Chris turns Mrs. Ganush down. Mrs. Ganush prostrates herself in front of Chris, begging her to reconsider. Surprised and befuddled by Mrs. Ganush clawing at her, Chris panics. Mrs. Ganush takes Chris' reaction as an insult. As the security guards haul her away, she screams she'll get her revenge against Chris for shaming her in public.

After work, Chris notices Mrs. Ganush's beat up Chevy in the parking lot and hears the old woman's phlegmy death rattle. When Chris gets in her car, she's attacked by Mrs. Ganush, who tries to sink her stained dentures in her face. During their struggle, Mrs. Ganush tears a button from Chris' jacket, using it to put a curse on her. Soon after, things really begin to go to hell for Chris. An unseen demon tosses her around her apartment, and she dreams that Mrs. Ganush attacks her in bed. Seeking relief and forgiveness, Chris goes to Mrs.Ganush's soon to be foreclosed home, and literally stumbles into the midst of the old woman's wake, knocking her body out of its coffin. (A sure bet she'll have trouble getting that forgiveness she's seeking!)
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Alison Lohman (Christine Brown) is a dead ringer for Jennifer Jason Leigh, another blonde-tressed actress frequently in distress. She's got the corn fed Midwestern innocence act down pat and did her own stunts, getting tossed around a room like a human rag doll, having a prosthesis jammed down her gullet, gagging up a mouthful of maggots and nearly drowning in manufactured mud. Lorna Raver (Mrs. Ganush) will scare the hell out of you, especially the way she pops up at unexpected and inopportune times to try sink her ill-fitting fangs into Chris' neck. The veteran actress really dove into her role, studying Hungarian curses and telling Lohman that it was okay to belt her for the sake of realism in their fight scenes. In Mrs. Ganush, Raver has fashioned a boogey woman as frightening as Margaret Hamilton's Wicked Witch of the West.

Aside from being Drew Scarymore's boyfriend (in heaven's name, why?), Justin Long is the slacker in the Apple computer commercials. As far as I'm concerned, his claim to fame was as Darry Jenner, the male half of the brother/sister duo chased through the flatlands by an indomitable demon in 2001's very original scare fest "Jeepers Creepers."(4 out of 5 stars). He's window dressing here, called upon to play the doubting, devoted boyfriend, but the shattered look on his face in the last scene is worth whatever private hell he may have endured. Dileep Rao (Rham Jas) exhibits cool psychic chic, never succumbing to the gibberish spouting stereotypical image of a movieland Indian mystic.

"Hell" never drags and the special effects are hellacious. The funeral scene is a prime example of the film's dark humor. I recall carrying my cousin's casket as a pallbearer, realizing all the tall guys were on one side of the coffin and watching his body roll out onto the floor. When we revived his mother, she didn't find the incident anywhere near as funny as you'll find Chris' spillage of Mrs. Ganush. Other special special effects include a gut-check gross-out grave ransacking, Chris' head butt encounter with the Lamia; a nose bleed that springs forth like Old Faithful; Chris and Clay's disastrous dessert get together with his parents; and the fast-paced final scene, which will be a surprise for your eyes.

A Helluva Lotta Extras

When "Hell" is over, drag yourself back to the screen for the dozen of so mini-features about the making of the film. They're as much fun to watch as the finished product. Introduced by Justin Long (hey, they had to give him something to do), "The Production Video Diaries" include "Bloody Nose," which shows the trickery involved in creating a gushing nose bleed; "The Parking Lot Fight," which blocks out the fisticuffs and hair pulling match between Chris and Mrs. Ganush, and "The Nightmare," which reveals how the geriatric gypsy was able to spill bucket loads of maggots into Chris' mouth.

Among my fives were "Inside the Psychic World," an interview with Dileep Rao where he shows off how thorough he was in researching his character's background and the crew showcases their meticulous attention to detail in decorating Rham Das' back room parlor. Lorna Raver's interview reveals her to be - as you might suspect - a kindly grandma who also immersed herself in her part: "I was shocked, a little surprised (at the role) and then I thought, 'Let's go'!"

My favorite of the mini-documentaries is - you guessed it - "The Goat," in which the secrets of the invective-flinging farm animal are revealed.

You can't go wrong with a talking goat. Drag me to hell...Please.

Shrink

2009-11-22T15:23:15Z

Shrink
Kevin Spacey, Robin Williams, Saffron Barrows
2 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

In "Shrink" the doctor is out - and he's usually out cold. "Shrink" is a satiric drama that begs the question, "Where does the psychiatrist to the stars turn to when he realizes his life is more screwed up than his patients?" The answer is he seeks solace in massive doses of mind-massaging marijuana. Attempting - and succeeding in numbing the recent loss of his wife in a car accident, Henry Carter (a spaced out Kevin Spacey) has become prodigious at the art of puffing down, guzzling down, and then falling down.

Henry Carter is a best-selling psychiatrist with an A-list of loonies, including Kate Amberson (a transparent Saffron Barrows), a comely actress saddled with an obnoxious, philandering rocker spouse, and Jack Holden (an uncredited Robin Williams, oozing uneasy sleaze), a barely functioning alcoholic actor past his prime who's clinging to his image as a legendary lothario. Other pitiful personalities in Henry's personal circle of hell waft in and out of his life like the pungent clouds he produces with his spliffs, such as Seamus, a dead set on overdosing actor (Brit bad boy Jack Huston), Henry's well stocked and stoned supplier Jesus (Jesse Plemos, sporting a crew cut and looking all of twelve), and Jeremy, a shy doorman/aspiring writer (wearisome Mark Webber). Seeking to save his sanity and his soul, Henry agrees to counsel Jenna (miscast Keke Palmer), a troubled teen unable to deal with her mother's suicide. Jenna would rather spend her afternoons in the make believe atmosphere of a movie theater than in the harsh reality of high school. Naturally, Henry and Jenna's relationship begins brusquely; he's shocked that such a vibrant, brilliant young girl would withdraw from the world so easily, and she's appalled by his indiscriminant drug abuse. A bond forms between them as they analyze each other's lifestyles:

Jenna: Are you high?
Henry: No, its walrus tusk from Little Antarctica...Strictly medicinal.

Henry gets Jenna to come to grips with her mother's desertion, and their co-dependent relationship forces Henry to admit the truth behind his wife's death -- and to own up to the role he played in her demise.

Jeremy's career is catatonic; he doesn't just have writer's block, he's got writer's wall. His creativity rebounds when he strikes up a relationship with Jenna, whose shaky psyche becomes fodder for his new screen play. Jeremy takes his script to Patrick (Dallas Roberts, as enjoyable as root canal without anesthesia), an obnoxious, obsessive talent agent who refuses to read it on principal alone. In his attempt to get Patrick's attention, Jeremy strikes up a romantic relationship with Daisy (a pell-mell performance by Pell James), Patrick's very pregnant secretary, who champions his work.
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Kevin Spacey is an award-winning dramatic actor. Unfortunately he's never made me laugh, and that includes his turn as an overbearing boss in "Swimming With Sharks." Conversely, Robin Williams' dramatic turns have never impressed me. As Jack, he walks through his scenes emitting a much lower energy level than he exhibits in his manic comedy routines. It's embarrassing listening to Williams spout Moffett's rude rote words about sex acts. There's a degree of mealy-mouthed hesitation in Williams' delivery, as if he's forcing himself to read Moffett's mutton-headed dialogue. The fact he's uncredited, despite playing a major role, tells you how much confidence he had in "Shrink's" success. Nice career save, Robin. And if Carter and Jack are supposed to be wealthy players in their respective fields, shouldn't they be able to find some time to shave once in a while? At one point Spacey's three-day growth appears to be joining forces with his chest hair.

White-haired, gruff Robert Loggia, whose taut Siamese Cat features scream "No more Botox!" plays Henry's equally accomplished shrink dad, Robert. (Don't strain yourself coming up with a new name, Moffett). Robert crinkles his eyes like a perplexed Popeye and prattles on as if he was Ahab chasing Moby Dick, offering Henry dead on advice he never heeds. Even dad's intervention only serves to inspire Henry to go out on a bigger bender. (Proving the old adage that sons never listen to their dads.)

Jack Huston plays Seamus, who like Henry spends most of the movie getting high, only he takes self-abuse to a gold card level, polluting his veins with heroin. Huston's "Spinal Tap" sub plot is as inconsequential as his acting. Likewise for Saffron Burrows, Henry's half-realized love interest. Sometimes it's better to leave the love interest angle out, Moffett, if all you can do is have Kate keep bumping into Henry at such ridiculous rates it defies calculation. And every time Dallas Roberts appears as whiny, rude super agent Patrick, you'll wish his mom had named him after a more appropriate locale, such as Athole, Indiana. (Yes, kids, there really is such a place).

Keke Palmer has a future in films, but only if she avoids roles she's not suited for. Despite the nerdy glasses, she never convinced me she was a sensitive intellectual. You can take the street out of the girl, but... Well, you know the rest.

As the film's tagline says, "In Hollywood even the shrinks are crazy." "Shrink" might have been a better diversion if the psychiatrist didn't need more help than his patients. Carter doesn't care about life, healing his patients or himself, so why should the audience root for his return to sanity? It's more fun watching him spiral toward a meltdown. For example, after a judicious number of joints and copious cocktails, Henry goes on TV and tells the audience not to buy his self-help book:

Henry: It's all bulls**t, then you die.
Interviewer: We knew that going in.

That, kids, is about as funny as "Shrink" gets. Save for a few impaired passages between Henry and Jesus (that's "Jeez-us" not "Hey-suess"), "Shrink" shrivels in the laughs department.

Post Therapy... "Shrink's" Extras

"Shink's" after effects include interviews with producer Braxton Pope, director James Pate and members of the cast, who discuss the film's intended sarcasm. You also get the video for "Here", the focal point of the film's soundtrack, which was penned by Jackson Browne. Jackson Browne? Isn't he too save the whales and granola for a music video? Well, yeah. Browne says of "Here": "It's a song about being in the present, even if you're locked in the past." The studio honchos should have used that for the movie's tag line. Certainly Browne's career is locked in the past. He's experienced a bit of a surge recently as a one man acoustic act, but if you couldn't see him singing, you wouldn't know it was the same dewy-eyed heart throb who penned "Doctor My Eyes," "Rock Me on the Water" and "Somebody's Baby," because Browne's wimpy but smooth singing style is a thing of the past. His voice is much more lived in and his song writing chops are ancient history too.

You may need to seek professional help after seeing this "Shrink." Psychiatrists charge hundreds, even thousands of dollars an hour to have their patients lie on a couch and spew out their insecurities. "Shrink" will make you spew all right, but for all the wrong reasons.

The Proposal

2009-11-21T15:55:10Z

The Proposal
Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds
3 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

I think Sandra Bullock is a funny comedienne with an innocent girl next door appeal. Occasionally, such as when she played a spoiled yuppie racist in "Crash", she can be a dramatic worth reckoning with. Bullock's most consistent box office successes have come when she played lovelorn losers or ultra successful business women who've forgotten what love is. (In "The Proposal", she plays the later.) I watch "While You Were Sleeping" whenever it's on. No matter how many times I see it, I still get the urge to reach into the T.V. and give Sandy's character, Lucy, a big hug. Aside from "Sleepless", Sandy's been awkwardly loveless in "Two Weeks Notice" (aha, another character named Lucy), and the two "Miss Congeniality" flicks -- and that's just off of the top of my head. So when I rented "The Proposal", in which Sandy plays a snippy editor-in-chief of a publishing house, I wondered if she could successfully go to the well one more time. Well, the bucket is at least ¾ full, and that's not bad.

Margaret Tate (beautiful Bullock) is so feared by her staff that when she enters the room her beleaguered assistant Andrew Paxton (rascally Ryan Reynolds) sends out an office E-mail that reads "It's here." Margaret's take no prisoners management style hasn't made her any friends, which is too bad because she could certainly use one when she finds out that unless she can find a way to become a U.S. citizen within three days she's in line to be deported back to her native Canada. In a desperate attempt to keep her job and gain citizenship, Margaret announces that she and Andrew are going to be married. Here comes the bribe... In exchange for his name, Margaret agrees to promote Andrew to editor. Immigration investigator Mr. Gilbertson (frequent "Law and Order" guest star, Dennis O'Hare) is suspicious, but allows the couple a weekend getaway to Alaska so Andrew can break the news to his parents and celebrate his grandmother's 90th birthday. The tables are turned on control freak Margaret when they arrive in Andrew's hometown of Sitka. Nearly every storefront in town bears the Paxton name, and his ultra rich family lives in a mansion on the waterfront. (No pigs in a blanket wedding hors d'oeuvres for these well-healed walrus watchers.) Margaret's determination to get to the altar begins to waver as she reluctantly gets to know Andrew's quirky family. Margaret and Andrew's Nanook nuptials might also be nullified if Andrew rekindles his romance with his childhood sweetheart, or if they can't stop bickering long enough to say "I do" and fool Gilbertson.

While you're not likely to find yourself quoting lines from "The Proposal" or even going back for seconds, there are several silly scenes, including Margaret trying to keep the family's adopted dog from being kidnapped by an eagle, and her hip hop homage dance in honor of Mother Nature with Gammy Annie (bubbly Betty White). And watching Margaret's iron maiden manner melt in the Alaskan environment is one of the film's more heartwarming subplots.
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Ryan Reynolds smirks his way through his role as Andrew Paxton. He generates a few grins, but is neither as charming as Hugh Grant (Sandy's co-star in "Two Weeks Notice"), or as wholesome as Bill Pullman in "While You Were Sleeping." Since they spend most of the movie sniping at one another, there's not much chemistry between Ryan and Sandy. The good news is they're at their best when they're tearing chunks out of each other's hides:

Margaret: What am I allergic to?
Andrew: Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotions.

Craig T. Nelson ("Coach") sports a wind blown tan and an argumentative attitude as Andrew's mogul dad, Joe. Mary Steenburgen ("Joan of Arcadia") is airy, perpetually positive and polite as his wife, Grace. Steenburgen's character has plenty of grace, but isn't given much to do except gush over the impending wedding, scold Joe for trying to goad Andrew into taking over the family business, or demand he treat his son better. Among the supporting stars, it's old hand Betty White who steals the show as Andrew's "Gammy", Annie. White is witty, winsome and winning in the feisty grandma role. The other ham is Oscar Nunez (Ramon), the town's illegal immigrant Renaissance man. He shows up in various scenes as a waiter, stripper, clerk, or as a preacher, and spouts some of the film's funniest lines as the credits roll.

"The Proposal" doesn't break new ground, nor is it knee-slapping funny. It's silly, comic escapism with romantic overtones - the type of screwball comedy that was a staple in 40s movie houses and frequently starred Barbara Stanwyck, Katherine Hepburn, Carole Lombard or Maureen Arthur. It's harmless fluff, but its fun. I propose that you sit down with a few pigs in a blanket and give this romance a chance.

Julia

2009-10-14T20:07:21Z

Julia
Tilda Swinton
4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

Whenever Tilda Swinton drifts down the red carpet at a movie premiere resembling David Bowie during his "Aladdin Sane" period (which was anything but), I often think she's the ideal embodiment of beauty being in the eye of the beholder. And what I'm beholdin' makes me think she's more ready for a rubber room than a screening room. On the surface she qualifies as the white Grace Jones, an androgynous wisp straight out of a Sy-Fi Channel movie.

So giving her the lead role in "Julia" as a worn, easy, but oddly still alluring alcoholic was bound to be a casting calamity or had to be a tax write off, right? Wrong. Tall Tilda is a titanic talent who turns "Julia" into a tremendous one woman show.

As the movie opens, Julia is being laid off for sleeping in once too often. (When she did make it in she was often too drunk or hung over to function.) This would be a wake up call for most folks, even someone who uses vodka as mouthwash, but according to Julia, her bad luck is everyone else's fault. She continues to drink until she blacks out, waking up dry-mouthed and embarrassed in strangers cars or wrapped in her wrinkled covers like a rotting sausage. Mitch (Saul Rubinek, the chubby man's Woody Allen), her one true friend and financial supporter, convinces Julia to go to an AA meeting, where she meets her twitchy neighbor, Elena (creepy Kate Del Castillo). Elena immediately opens up to Julia, and knowing she's hard up for cash, offers her $50,000 to help her kidnap her son, Tom, away from his abusive grandfather. Julia agrees, but rewrites the plan: she'll kidnap Tom and extort a few million from his grandpa. Julia makes a rash of ransom-wrecking mistakes, such as panicking then pancaking Tom's guardian, forgetting to wear her mask when she admonishes the boy, and stuffing Tom with enough sleeping pills to shut him up without realizing they can also cause him to shut down. ]]>
During the course of "Julia's" fast-paced plot," Swinton goes from slut to swindler to secret agent, displaying a slippery sense of survival. Rubinek (Artie in "Warehouse 13") lends his usual credible bespeckled nerdy presence as Mitch. Yes, he loves Julia and often functions as her easily swayed enabler - but unlike the milquetoast characters he's played in the past, Rubinek's Mitch has a few scenes in which he displays a profane backbone. Kate Del Castillo overstates wild-eyed Elena's jittery, jumbled dual personality so much you have to wonder why Julia couldn't figure out Elena was koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs and completely unreliable from the start. Still, Castillo splits Elena's personality between naive concerned mother and bug-eyed acid casualty with unnerving acting expertise. And in what battling barrio did they find Horacio Garcia Rojas? Rojas is so convincing as the frothing, unscrupulous kidnapper, Santos, you'll swear he was reared in the bosom of a street gang. I wouldn't mess with him, even if his name is Horatio.

Given the number of problems Julia creates for herself, I was pleasantly surprised the plot maintained a sense of realism. We may not live a loser's lifestyle like Julia, but there's always a logical cause and effect for even the most outlandish things that happen to her. The ending is inconclusive, but that's part of "Julia's" allure - it makes you wonder if she's the same me-first juicer she was at the beginning of the film of if she's developed enough of a conscience to do the right thing.

Tilda Swinton may look like a refugee from Area 51, but her acting skills are out of this world. "Julia's" worth checking out - even if you have to beg, borrow, or kidnap a copy

State of Play

2009-09-12T02:28:20Z

State of Play
Russel Crowe, Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams, Jason Bateman
3 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

Murder. Adultery. Political intrigue. Just another day at the keyboard for award-winning old school reporter Cal McAffrey.

Over the course of a moderately paced two hours, "State of Play" weaves together several seemingly unrelated incidents that have created a state of political panic in Washington, D.C. Sonia Baker, the head researcher for Senator Stephen Collins' investigative team, takes a tumble off a subway platform. Coincidentally, prior to her three and a half gainer, Sonia uncovered a trail of lucrative government financed projects leading to PointCort, a covert company made up of contract killers. After Sonia's ticket is punched, a career criminal making off with a coveted briefcase is starched by a trained assassin, and the lone witness to the hit takes a few rounds too, winding up in a coma. When Senator Collins (Ben Affleck in his Robert Kennedy mode) owns up that he played Capitol Hill hi-jinks with his dead lover, it appears Sonia Baker was murdered in order to cripple his career. Collins' college crony, Cal McAffrey (brave and beefy Russell Crowe), a respected veteran staff reporter for the Washington Globe, comes to his defense as the senator's opponents line up to smear his name and divert attention from his investigation of PointCort. McAffrey teams up with the paper's internet ingénue, Della Frye (an animated Rachel McAdams), to clear Collins' name and expose PointCort as the lawless, lucre-loving louses they appear to be. After all, any company that makes $250 million off of the Iraq War and oversees a property nicknamed "Little Baghdad" has to be an enemy of the state, right? But the deeper the nosey newsies dig, the more they begin to wonder who's behind the assassin's bullets and why.

In an effort to show he's an "ak-tor," Russell Crowe literally allowed himself to go to pot -- pot belly that is. He's given better performances of late, especially as the murderous, morally bankrupt Ben Wade in the credible remake of "3:10 to Yuma" (4 out of 5 stars). He isn't as convincing when he's using his brain instead of his brawn. Russell's performance is nothing to Crowe about, but he ably serves as the film's defiant bastion of morality, remaining Collins' unwavering faithful friend:

Collins (standing at McAffrey's doorstep after his extra marital scandal breaks): I know what you're thinking. This guy must be pretty desperate to show up here.
McAffrey: No, I was thinking I could finally give back that Roxy Music CD you left in my car.

Ben Affleck's term as Senator Collins is sexy but stiff, although he effectively projects the charismatic crusader attributes of Bobby Kennedy while maintaining the behind the scenes horny goat sex drive of Bobby's brother, John. Amy Adams is perky and feisty as blog babe Della Frye, and she's an effective emotional foil for Crowe's distrustful old timer. Helen Mirren continues to mine her spunky old hag image as the newspaper's managing editor. As Lou Grant once said, "I hate spunk." Mirren is a noisy annoyance with a classy British accent.

It's the film's all-star supporting cast that gives the film a stately presence. Jason Bateman ("Arrested Development") twitches and cowers his way through his scenes as a sleazy public relations agent (is there any other kind?). Neglected in real life by philandering hubby Sean, Robin Wright Penn plays Senator Collins' put upon spouse, Anne, who tries to suppress a burning desire to rewrite history with the man who got away (McAffrey, of course). It's one of those "Psst, suspend all belief" moments when you see the potential love triangle straining to develop. Should Anne stick with the Barrymore-profiled political power-broker, or try and bed the schlumpy, grumpy newshound who's too loyal to respond? Uh-huh.

Thanks to "Dumb and Dumber," fans have forgotten that Jeff Daniels was an effective dramatic actor in films like "Pleasantville" and "Gods and Generals." As George Fergus, Collins' humorless, not so trustworthy political lieutenant, Daniels portrays the type of God, County and N.R.A. right winger with clout we should all fear.

Crowe doesn't strain himself physically, although he does demonstrate a talent for creasing his brow. The action comes from the supporting players: Affleck administers a spur of the moment beat down, Daniels has a seething confrontation with Crowe, and Adams does a chuck and duck to avoid a spray of bullets. But "State of Play" requires you shift your state of mind if you're expecting endless chase scenes and gunplay. It's more about talking heads than taking prisoners. "All the President's Men" will likely still get your vote as one of the political genre's top films, but "State" is worth a play.

The Soloist

2009-09-03T13:33:13Z

The Soloist
Robert Downey, Jr., Jaime Foxx
3 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

When I commuted in New York City in the 80s, there was a musician who worked the urine soaked subways for change. He sported tin foil antenna in his Afro, a Technicolor vest, bug-eyed Bootsy Collins sunglasses, and called himself "The Man from Galaxy Seven." His game was to board a train just before it departed, whip out his baritone sax, and bleat like a scatological Charlie Parker until the terrified passengers capitulated, throwing him money in order to stop the torture. The Daily News eventually exposed The Man From Galaxy Seven as a lucid working musician who took the train into the city from his summer home in tawny Westchester every day and made just as much money panhandling as he did playing steady gigs.

The Man from Galaxy Seven played the role of a troubled, down and out musician and profited mightily from it. In "The Soloist," Jaime Foxx plays Nathaniel Ayres, a schizophrenic violinist who lives for music rather than money. I reacted to Foxx's peculiar performance the same way I did to The Man from Galaxy Seven. I wanted to give Foxx a few dollars to go away. Luckily, "The Soloist" isn't a one man show. Robert Downey, Jr. co-stars as L.A. Times reporter Steve Lopez, Ayers' mentor and the film's narrator. Downey doesn't disappoint, delving deeply into his character's mission to save a lost denizen of the streets overflowing with God given talent.

The storyline follows the unlikely relationship between Lopez and Ayres. Lopez is looking for a new story angle when he hears Ayers, a homeless Skid Row inhabitant, playing a two-string violin. Ayres claims he was trained at Julliard, and Lopez smells a riches to rags story until he researches Ayres and can't find his name among any of the graduating classes. When he's told Ayers attended but never graduated, Lopez sets out to tell the story of a promising musician whose career was short circuited by mental illness. As Ayres begins to trust - and admire - Lopez, a bond grows between the two men. Lopez becomes determined to help Ayres achieve his dream of playing before an audience, but slowly realizes the biggest obstacle standing in Ayres path is Ayres himself.
]]> "I'll be here to protect you from their eyes." We're not talking about a group as amiable as the King Family here. Jim Gordon, for my money the greatest drummer ever, heard voices that eventually told him to kill his mother. Instead of obeying his mom - who told him to put down the hammer he was about to use to bash in her noggin, Jim listened to the voices. He's been in a nut hut since 1983 and it's unlikely he'll ever drum again. Not all schizophrenics are violent, but there's a moment in "The Soloist" when Ayres explodes in full-fisted fury that indicates someone should be perched on his shoulder like Blackbeard's parrot. He needed to be monitored closely, rather than being allowed to make the self-diagnosis that he was as gentle as a powder puff. He's definitely a not ready for prime time player, but we never get a clear picture of Ayers' demons. Whenever he's hit with a bout of schizophrenia, you hear the voices, see him curl up in a corner or freeze like a deer about to be flattened by an SUV. That's it? When he's listening to music, we see vivid colors. Wait a minute. I saw dazzling colors in the 70s. Maybe Ayres isn't schizophrenic after all; he just needs a reboot of some brown acid. What I see is a shy, child-like prodigy who couldn't handle being on stage; Harry Nilsson, Nick Drake, and Carley Simon all suffered from crippling stage fright. Writers Susan Grant and Steve Lopez took great pains to label Ayres schizophrenic without exploring what kept him that way.

One factor that slows the action is the pointed political positioning that shines a big honking spotlight on the plight of the homeless. It's a noble cause, but no one likes getting hit over the head with a sledgehammer of guilt. The sound of one hand clapping goes to director Joe Wright, who insisted on filming the street scenes in L.A.'s Skid Row and employed some of its more colorful inhabitants as extras. The Lamp Community Center doubles as an allegorical Circle of Hell from "Dante's Inferno" with incoherent crack heads, mumbling drunks and territorial lost souls.

I have as much tolerance for Jaime Foxx's dramatic acting skills as Lincoln did for bullets. He turns Ayres' into an imitation of Carl Spackler, Billy Murray's gopher chasing maintenance man in "Caddyshack." He had a can't miss back story when he played Ray Charles; in "The Soloist" he's still playing a real life character, but Ayres is far less known, so Foxx has to rely on his acting skills, which are negligible. Ayres best scenes don't have Foxx in them. They belong to child actor Justin Martin, who plays Ayres during his formative years before the voices, back when he used to spend every waking hour absorbing Beethoven's music in the basement of his mom's apartment. Even with the tutelage of Los Angeles Philharmonic violinist Ben Hong, who showed Foxx how to fake it, Foxx acts more like the neighborhood kid who used to make fun of the slow kids by imitating them, rather than a genius who cracked under pressure.

Like Foxx, Robert Downey has played a character in the same profession before, portraying real-life reporter Paul Avery in 2007's "Zodiac." Unlike Foxx, Downey rounds out his character with hints of journalistic genius, personal faults (he's a lousy husband), and moments of head strong determination that are balanced by doubt: "I love you, Steve turns into you failed me, Steve, turns into very bad things. That's been my limited experience." In short, Downey makes Lopez a believable human being, unlike Foxx's cliched classical music caricature of Blind Lemon Chitlin'. Any actor who can survive not one, but two potentially embarrassing scenes involving coyote urine should be worshiped.

The obscenely talented Catherine Kener plays Lopez's managing editor and ex-wife Mary Weston. Mary warns Lopez that he won't be able to stop himself from exploiting Ayres. Sadly, she's right. The short scene at the awards event where Mary gets drunk and embarrasses Lopez in front of his colleagues is as disturbing as any of more long-winded verbal tennis matches Lopez has with Ayres. It's Mary who finally puts the most descriptive tag on what Ayres is trying to achieve - "grace." Kener is tragically underused, as is character actor Stephen Root, who plays grumpy old school journalist Curt. Root appears in only two scenes. Office wise gal Leslie (comedian Rachael Harris, the Quaker Oates Mini-Delights lady in the commercials), is only in one.

In a film that deals the heavy hand of homelessness and illness, I was amused by the running Neil Diamond joke. While contemplating his next article, Lopez listens to Diamond's version of "Mr. Bojangles." I hated the previous eight million versions of the song, but Diamond's version (which I'd somehow missed) had a kitschy oomph. When Ayres moves into his apartment, Lopez opens up the medicine cabinet and finds an 8x10 of Neil Diamond staring back at him:

Lopez: What's this?
Ayres: I thought it was you.

The Diamond triple play is completed following Lopez and Ayres' violent confrontation over his willingness to being labeled schizophrenic and having his sister act as his guardian. As Ayres takes to isolation and mumbling and Lopez takes to a half dozen shots in a bar, the song playing in the background is Diamond's "Forever in Blue Jeans."

Extra Solos...

"The Soloist" offers a number of effective and informative featurettes. "An Unlikely Friendship: Making the Soloist" showcases interviews with the cast, director Joe Wright, and producers Gary Foster and Russ Krasnoff, who discuss the challenges of orchestrating the film. Downey's biggest concern (and rightfully so) was how Ayres would be portrayed. "We've all seen crazy gone wrong," he says cautiously. Foxx's comments shed some light on his off-the-mark performance: "The biggest challenge was letting it go. Getting back to Jaime Foxx." Next time, Jaime, don't be afraid to dive in a little deeper.

The real John Lopez and Nathaniel Ayres are interviewed for "Kindness, Courtesy and Respect: Mr. Ayres and Mr. Lopez." Ayres is a lot more dapper and coherent than the film would lead you to believe, while Lopez isn't the scintillating conversationalist and quick wit Downey makes him out to be. Jennifer Ayres, Nathaniel's sister, offers an enlightening observation about her brother: "The best time to communicate with him is when you want to talk music."

Not all cartoons are funny. "Beth's Story" is the animated two-minute story of an orphaned girl who finds her voice painting, but through a series of tragic events she winds up homeless: "She asked for work, she asked for money. Then one day she stopped asking for anything." It's a powerful, sad message about homelessness.

"The Soloist" has Downey and Foxx's star power, but a film about a homeless prodigy of a different type that I reviewed in May 2008 called "The Resurrection of the Champ" packs a more coherent wallop, and features Samuel Jackson at the top of his game. So hint, hint, check it out.

Robert Downey turns the monotone, unexciting Robert Lopez into a caring, compassionate character. Foxx's Ayres is nowhere as interesting as the real life socially challenged McCoy, but there's enough in the story of one man attempting to reach out to another to make "The Soloist" a worthwhile watch.

Robert Downey, Jr... Your next Oscar awaits. Jaime Foxx...The Man from Galaxy Seven called and said your saxophone is ready.

Fragments

2009-09-02T21:08:52Z

Fragments
a/ka/ "Winged Creatures"
2.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

A man with a grudge and a fully-loaded gun steps into a small town diner, squeezes the trigger and starts dealing death. As the bullets fly a waitress, Carla Davenport (Kate Beckinsale), ducks behind a counter; Charlie Archenault, a driving instructor already facing death (Forest Whitaker), sits stock still as the shooter passes; and two teens, Anne Hagen and Jimmy Jasperson (Dakota Fanning, Josh Hutcherson), are pushed under the table by Anne's father. Moments later, Charlie is lying face down in his own blood, Anne's father is dead, and the shooter has taken his own life. How each of the surviving characters reacts to the tragedy makes up the tapestry of "Fragments," a multi-layered drama with more plots than a puzzle has pieces. The actors who aren't on auto pilot give this derivative small town version of "Crash" a boost.

Shot in the neck, Charlie miraculously skirts death. ("You are some kind of lucky," the ER attendant says. "Real lucky.") Charlie believes his second life is a positive sign and heads to a casino to cash in: "What the hell... It's tragic to waste this kind of magic." Carla develops an unhealthy obsession with the emergency room doctor, Bruce Laraby (Guy Pearce). It's particularly unhealthy for her baby. She neglects to feed him in order to have a reason to take him to Laraby.

Dr. Laraby has his own post-incident guilt to deal with. He remembers grabbing a coffee to go at the diner, smiling at Carla, then holding the door open for the shooter on his way out. The shooter thanked him. He lost Anne's dad on the operating table:

Dr. Laraby: On the way out I held the door for the guy who killed everybody.
Jan Laraby (his wife): How do you know it was him?
Dr. Laraby: Because twenty minutes later they wheeled everybody in and he had a big fu**ing hole in his head.
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Jimmy is one of the few witnesses who reacts the way you might expect a young impressionable boy to respond - he refuses to talk. Josh Hutcherson, a career as a mime awaits you...Anne overcompensates in dealing with the trauma of the shooting, finding God. Dakota Fanning, please report to Acting 101.

Fortunately, writer Roy Freirich and director Rowan Woods have assembled a first rate cast to try and turn "Fragments" into something solid. Okay, maybe it's too early in Dakota Fanning's young career to say she can't act; but she was an interplanetary scream machine in the remake of "War of the Worlds" and she can't put the pieces together here either, overacting with steadfast determination. At some point she must've wowed someone to justify getting so many other starring roles, but we are not impressed. Putting one of the film's pivotal plots in the hands of a child actor is dicey enough; insisting she act like a born again Billy Graham is asking too much. Instead of spouting verses from the good book, helping the needy, or parting the Red Sea, all Fanning's Anne ever does to display her sudden obsession with God is ask people to drop to their knees and pray with her. And people do so because they think she's cracked or traumatized, not because she's particularly convincing. With her dull tone and unblinking child zombie stare, Dakota might as well be asking the other actors to drop down and give her ten. Yes, the death of Anne's dad triggered her religious revelation, but why is she so determined to convert everyone else? Fanning's faltering face time in the film is a result of her inability to give life to her character's sudden catharsis. Whether Anne's sudden devotion to God is real or not - Fanning is so wooden you'll be surprised the birds she's so preoccupied with don't try to nest in her hair.

The ubiquitous Forest Whitaker craps out in trying to convey Charlie as a habitual gambler with terminal cancer on a hot streak. When his character was created Freirich forgot to give Charlie a moral center or a reason for the audience to care about him. He won't call his doting daughter, fails to cover a loan from a less than benevolent benefactor, and can't hold his liquor. I'd like to give him a pass as far as being on deck for the grim reaper, but don't characters facing death in films travel the high road instead of taking another pass at the dice?

Another actor who's everywhere these days, Jackie Earle Haley, (fascinating as the pessimistic Rorschach in the sci-fi extravaganza "Watchmen"...See this month's review), gives another star making perf as Jimmy's hard-as-nails dad, Bob. Growing up, I think everybody knew somebody who had a hard-drinking dad who was a scary anti-government right winger. Say hello to your childhood nightmare. With his bushy caterpillar moustache and 50's D.A., Haley looks and acts as cantankerous as Doc Holiday in a high stakes game trying to bluff with a pair of deuces. His snarling vendetta against the insurance companies who screwed up his first son drives his nasty nature. I've never seen Haley give a bad performance. No matter how potentially rote the role is, he adds something that tweaks your interest. As Bob's more compassionate mate, Robin Weigert (cussin' Calamity Jane in "Deadwood") doesn't let her role as a spare part keep her from leaving a compassionate impression; you'll feel for her because she has to live with such a grim brute. Kevin Durand (the indestructible Martin Keamy on "Lost") has a commanding cameo a lone shark's bagman with a heart - he gives Charlie cab fare before mutilating him.

Add Kate Beckinsale to the list of actresses who can immerse themselves in a character and give a clinic on Oscar worthy acting every time out. She takes a caricature, the trailer park trash waitress with the whining kid, and adds layers to Carla with a frantic look or a longing glance.

You may not completely understand Dr. Laraby's motive for repeatedly poisoning and rescuing his wife, but Guy Pearce knows how to handle the role of the kind hearted physician and attentive husband. Given his tireless devotion to the community, you'll want to see if he can overcome his guilt as well as Jekyll and Hyde tendencies.

As Charlie's daughter, Jennifer Hudson frets well, but she let's her down home accent get the best of her performance, mumbling in what sounds like Ebonics. Nice idea to go against the glamour puss image Jen, but without make up and dressed in dowdy clothes, Hudson looks a little too bovine, okay a lot. Jeanne Tripplehorn ("Big Love") occasionally chimes in as Anne's concerned mom, Doris, but she's so insignificant she might as well be "I Dream of Jeannie."

"Fragments" is a direct to DVD release, which usually isn't a good sign. It's also undergone a name change from Freirich's original title, "Winged Creatures," a reference, I'm guessing, to Anne's fascination with birds. After viewing the film, the producers probably scratched their heads, then decided to switch to the more appropriate and descriptive title of "Fragments." The problem with "Fragments" is all the pieces in the plot don't fit together. There are enough frustrating holes and dead spots to make you think the gunman had the right idea. The flashbacks aren't all that informative; just more well intentioned fragments. When we're finally given the reason for Anne becoming God's cheerleader it turns out to be a frivolous matter of personal pride rather than a tribute to her father. It's hard to root for Charlie's goal of getting to his "walk away point"( $100,000) because he achieves it then runs back to the blackjack table as if his wallet is made of metal and the table was a magnet. Then he borrows twenty grand more! Bet with your head Charlie, not over it. You know Dr. Laraby is going to live to regret playing God with his wife (ah, but will she live to regret it). Carla's solution to her infatuation with Doc Laraby is to simply to switch obsessions. Too bad her wailing kid can't switch moms. The solutions to some of the other characters' problems only raise more red flags, and it's hard to care for small town simpletons who regress rather than grow as a result of what they've been through. I'll recommend "Fragments" for Haley, Beckinsale, and Pearce's performances, but there's only one "Crash," and this isn't it.

The Objective

2009-09-02T20:31:49Z

The Objective
Daniel Myrick
3.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

A psychological thriller that'll make you rethink that vacation trip in the desert, "The Objective" is an original edge-of-your-seat puzzle that reaches its goal by stirring the imagination and quickening your pulse.

The plot begins with CIA Agent Keynes (stoic Jonas Ball) addressing a Special Forces unit headed by Chief Wally Hamer (beefy Matt Anderson, the team's brusque father figure). The team has been selected to help Keynes find Mohammed Aban, an A.W.O.L Afghan cleric.

As the men near what they believe to be their destination, a series of strange occurrences leads them to believe that Keynes has lied about this being a routine mission. They're ambushed; one of the men is critically wounded, but they manage to exact their revenge, killing two, possibly three of their attackers. When the squad goes to find the men they've killed, their bodies have disappeared. The following morning, the body of their fallen comrade is missing and other body parts have been scattered about as a warning not to continue.

The team's radio goes dead, and their GPS fries up like a breakfast special at a greasy spoon. A vehicle speeds in their direction, its headlights shining as it races down the road toward them. Then the headlights split apart and take flight. They hear the blades of their supply helicopter above them, but can't see the craft, which suddenly disappears without a sound. Their guide, Abdul, becomes hopelessly lost, their water supply dwindles, and the truck they commandeered overheats.
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In the morning, the canteens the men filled with water only the night before are now filled with sand. The indecipherable incidents with mirages that kill prove to be too much for Abdul, who believes the team is now cursed (actually he says "curr-sed."). Abdul takes a short walk off a long cliff, leaving Keynes and the team to fend for themselves. The men are attacked again (or are they?). This time, they're illuminated by a bright light that exposes their position. Hamer orders a counter attack. Two soldiers head toward the light on a dead run and are incinerated - poof - Special Ops confetti. Fed up with Keynes secrecy, Hamer demands an explanation:

Hamer: If I find out we're out here dying while you guys (the C.I.A.) go out on a wild goose chase, I'll put a bullet in you myself!
Keynes: We all have our orders to follow, Chief.
Hamer: Well maybe you haven't heard, but dead men don't follow orders.

Dehydrated, demoralized, the team pushes on, hoping to find water and complete their assignment. Keynes finally relents, telling the suffering soldiers the real purpose of his mission. Whether of not anyone will be alive to complete it is what makes "The Objective" a desert delight.

Part of what makes "The Objective" work is the unforgiving landscape. The desert is as much a character in the strange turnoff events as anyone in the Special Ops team. It's majestic, beautiful, yet at the same time endless, threatening and confining thanks to the film's claustrophobic script.

"The Objective" was directed by Daniel Myrick, who helmed the revolutionary scare flick "The Blair Witch Project." Chalk it up as another small budget, tightly scripted winner with an unknown cast that thrives in the boiling Moroccan sun. The members of the team act like a military family - not entirely surprising given that some of the actors are ex-service men. Matt Anderson (Chief Wally Hamer) is a buff and gruff former stunt man whose Hulk Hogan toughness makes him utterly believable as the team's commander. Jonas Ball (Keynes) is weasely and single-minded, maybe a little too boyish for his role, but he's a strict, effective Boy Scout. Vince Degetau is moving as Jon Huertas, the company joker hoping to avoid a grim fate:

Keynes: You're a good solder. Your country would be proud.
Huertas: My country will never know who I am.

Chems-Eddine Zinoune (Abdul) successfully captures the fear and superstitions of the denizens of the desert. His wide-eyed terror helps amp up the film's supernatural notions. Cheers to Jeff Prewitt, who plays Australian Sergeant Sadler. My immediate reaction when he opened his mouth was, "Oy, what's an Aussie doing in the desert with the U.S. Special Forces?" Sadler is the regiment sage! It turns out Sadler is as familiar with desert lore as Abdul. His presence allows the audience to learn about the grim fate of the 44th regiment, and he's also familiar with a legend that can be traced as far back as Alexander the Great that may be responsible for the deadly optical illusions the men have been seeing. The other actors blend together like men who've known each other and worked together for a long time, not an easy task for novice actors.

An Oasis of Extras...

You won't object to the extras, which are highlighted by "The Making of...Scenes from the Film," and interviews with Director Daniel Myrick and Stephanie Martin, the film's Director of Photography. "The Making of..." plays off the camaraderie between the cast and crew with Jeff Prewitt spooning out the charm. Ex-grunt Tim Cole (Sam Hunter) says, "It feels like a real military unit when you're off camera. The film world and the military world are a lot a like. Both require a lot of discipline." Nick Teta, the film's military advisor, puts the cast through shooting drills, and Matt Anderson carefully choreographs a fight scene with co-star Jonas Ball, who says with a sigh of relief, "I tried to look like I knew what I was doing." Myrick delves into the film's objective: "I wanted the audience to be moved; creeped out...I like films that walk a line of ambiguity."

"The Objective" sets out to thrill and entertain the audience with a no name cast on a shoe string budget. Objective accomplished.