Okay, so I met this guy this summer, and we really liked each other, and we still keep in touch, even though I
live in Washington, and he lives in Wyoming! So, I don't know what to do. I can't get him out of my head, and with
every letter, I miss him more and more. Will I ever see him again???
I'm no fortune-teller. Most long distance relationships fizzle over the logistics, but for the present, there is
nothing sweeter than getting love letters from afar. You can phone, e-mail, and write, until you have the opportunity
to see each other again or until one of you finds someone more geographically desirable. Take it one day at a time
and don't give up your real life.
Me and "my guy" have been together off and on for 4 years and counting. I am 17 and so is he. Well, at
school we never talk. Most people do not even know that we know each other, we like it that way b/c we have the
relationship w/o everyone seeing us as a couple all the time. Whenever we are together though he comes on to me
and tries holding my hand or more. I always seem to go along with it too. He told me recently that he likes to
go to parties and he waits till the girl is drunk and then he gets himself "played with". I know you
are thinking..."dump the loser" but we have no commitment and I think I love him. Like a lifetime love.
Four years and I always come back to the same weekend fling. Is it worth it or not??
Dear Fling or Not,
It is not for me to tell you to dump him. He could very well be someone in your future. But, it is up to you what
you're going to tolerate in a relationship and I would be cautious because if he's being any degree of sexually
active with other girls, he could be bringing you home a present you don't really want, like an STD. And, even
if he's just "getting played with" now, you have no guarantees that it's not going to go farther the
next time. Getting someone drunk in return for sexual favors is questionable in my book, but yours might be a different
story. Often young people connect before they're ready to commit. They need time to sow their wild oats, whatever
that may mean to each individual person. Maybe you need to examine your relationship, take a breather and a different
perspective, and see if he's still what you want. Sow some oats yourself, maybe.
I used to be best friends with 2 girls but we broke up (our friendship)now after a couple months we are becoming
best friends again and I am so Happy!! But I missed a lot of stuff that happened in that period of time. And now
feel VERY left out and I don't know what to do!?!? HELP!?!?!?!"
Dear Is Three Too Much,
Triangles are difficult in young girl friendships, sadly. But, you can rise above this by making a point to include
both your friends and not to gang up against either one of them if the situation arises. Talking about how you
feel so close to them, yet feel you missed some action could help. Girls your age tend to go two-against-one, but
if you're open and sincere in your desire to be both girls' friend, then things could work out. Possessiveness,
though, is a turn-off, even in friendship.
Okay- to lay it all down flat, I'm 13 and my best friend is Lin-Z. I am constantly jealous of her. My mom says
I shouldn't be - I have every thing I have ever wanted. But I can't help it. She's my age, we both like boys, play
flute, have same friends. So I just did something really bad to Lin-Z to make her jealous of my boyfriend. Now
I'm not allowed at Lin-Z's house anymore. What can I do now? I'll always be jealous of everyone else.
You're thirteen and you're talking about how you'll always be???? Now is the time to adjust, kid, before that becomes
a self-fulfilling prophecy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion and you can help it. A sincere apology to Lin-Z and whoever
else in her family that you offended might be a good start. Then spend a little time thinking about what it is
you want that your friend has and try to cultivate that behavior in yourself. People who screw their best friends
do not know the value of friendship. This is a lesson you would be smart to learn.
I crushed on this guy for the longest time, thinking he would never go out with me. Eventually we became close,
we hung out a little, then, he and I finally hooked up. We were together for a while, and, I fell in love with
him, as he did for me. I know it was true love (and still is...). After a substantially long relationship, he broke
up with me due to the fact that his parents thought that he spent too much time thinking about me, therefore not
taking enough pride in the family. They also had the idea set in their minds that we were too sexual (which we
weren't). I took the break-up really hard, but, he explained it to me, so I partly understood. He took it just
as badly as I did.
The next weekend after our breakup, he came over to my house to celebrate his birthday, and we ended up making
out on my couch.
For the first week, maybe two after our separation, he continued to tell me that he still loved me...
Then, about three weeks ago, we were at a friend's party, and, we were exceptionally close, as if nothing ever
happened. We even kissed (on a dare, but it felt so real).
For the last month or so, he has not expressed his love for me, or his feelings, but last weekend, he got me a
beautiful necklace for my birthday. A cross with a dove in the center.
As much as I know I should let him go, I can't. I know he still loves me. So much more leads me to thinking this,
but these are the main facts, and I have taken enough of your time as it is. You can get the picture from just
what I tell you. So what do I do?
Dear 'N Luv,
Breaking up is a state of mind. No one has to know if you are or not. While I am not condoning lying to your parents,
if you and Prince Charming are so in tune with each other, you'll settle for less for now. These stolen moments
are better than none, no? If, in time, you two still feel so in tune with each other, then you'll have to come
clean with his folks. Right now, they probably want to see him focus on school and not on love. Sound advice, especially
if you two do have a future together, now is the time for you both to prepare for it. Give him the time (and take
time yourself) for studies. Be content with knowing how he feels. Write, e-mail, when you can arrange to be together
in a group, do it. If the relationship stands up, you'll be old enough to stand up to his parents soon enough.
Good luck, kiddo, Sometimes parents do wrong stuff, but for right reasons,
Here goes my "problem": Well, it's the old old, story. I'm EXTREMELY shy around some people, but I'm
super CRAZY with my friends.
I am really funny, smart, nice, etc., and I'm pretty, but don't weigh oh, 76 lbs. like the popular seventh grade
girls,(I weigh 2 lbs. less than what I should) and I have a HUGE crush on this boy, he was in my class last year,
and we had casual, normal conversations (i.e. what's up, you ok?, etc) but I highly doubt he even knows I'm ALIVE!
He's one of the sweetest boys in school, and he's cute, smart, with an awesome personality, just so AWESOME! And,
(I think you were expecting this) he's, uh, popular...... But I don't care about stuff like that, I mean a person
counts more than the person's popularity, and I think I wouldn't be so shy & nervous if he wasn't so way popular.
Question is, how do I get over my terrible shyness, and, how do I get the nerve to talk to my cutie, and is there
the possibility of him even considering liking me? (and, to add to the story, the BIG Halloween Dance is coming
up.....) PLEASE HELP ME, my best friend has tried to help me with this, but she couldn't......
Shy & In Love...:)
Dear Shy and In Love,
Shyness is not a trait that works in a grownup. You should work on getting over it now before it causes you to
miss out on life opportunities. All you have to do is think, "What's the worse that could happen if I ask
him out?" He could say no, and if he does, so what? You might feel slightly uncomfortable for a minute or
two. Most likely, so will he. But, if you don't, you will never know what the outcome might have been. So, are
you going to pass up a chance at a happy situation to save yourself from a minute or two of awkward silence? I
think not. Of course, it's a possibility that he will say yes, or if he can't because of some prior commitment,
he will still look at you in a different light, maybe as a future prospect. What have you got to lose, except your
silly shyness? This will be good practice for those grownup years when shyness is might be seen as social ineptitude
Someone I know is being charged with 1st degree Penetration. His kid said he sexually abused her. Did she have
to be tested for them to convict him???
Dear Susan 737, I'm not familiar with the legalities
of child abuse, but I do know that where there's smoke, in most cases, there is fire. Even if this guy is innocent,
and that could be the case, his problems are the kind that follow one around for life. He needs a very good attorney,
not Ms. X.
Hi, I've been with the same guy for the past 7 months & I think I want to have sex with him but Iím not really
sure. I know he wants to! I know how much he loves me & heís not in the relationship for a piece of butt. Iím
15 and heís 17. We go to the same school. He has been with me through the good & bad times. Please help!!
Dear Not Sure,
Personally I think fifteen is a bit young to commit one's virginity to a relationship. I'd wait. But, should you
decide that you must, please get yourself protection both from pregnancy and STD's. If he's not there just for
a piece of butt, how about you practice a safer form of sex until you're both ready to accept the consequences
that intercourse could hold. That way, you can hold onto to your virginity just in case you change your mind about
this guy. After all, seven months is not exactly as long courtship in the real world as it is in high school.
I am 16 years old and I am confused on whether or not I am gay .Can you help me please?
First of all, a little sexual confusion is a normal part of many people's sexual awakening. And, even heterosexuals
can admire a terrific body of the same sex without being homosexual. I don't know to what degree you are confused.
Most gay people say they knew from their childhood that they were gay, even before they had the vocabulary to label
the feelings. I am not sure what to suggest, because whatever sexual path you choose, it is only a very small part
of yourself, even though now, at sixteen, it feels like the biggest issue in your life. Be patient, hon. The answer
will make itself apparent in time.
My "problem" is not about guys but involves this kinda habit Iíve picked up. Whenever I feel upset or
defeated Iíll take out a carpet blade and make tiny cuts. Iím afraid to tell anyone. Theyíll think Iím stupid and
I do it just to get attention or something. Iíve been doing it for almost a year and I canít stop and itís becoming
more frequent. Whatís wrong with me?
Dear Not Average,
Self-mutilation is a serious problem. You need to, must, get yourself some help. Talking to a therapist or counselor
will help you discover why you are so down on yourself and give you ways to feel better. Therapy is a wonderful
gift to give to yourself...it does not mean you're crazy or bad, it just gives you someone to tell your private
stuff to who is not involved in your life. I think that once you find a counselor who is simpatico with you, you
will discover ways to feel good about yourself. Also, sweetie, just remember, you have a choice...you can focus
on the negatives and hurt yourself in all sorts of ways, or you can choose to see the positives in life and be
uplifted. Please find a professional grownup to talk to soon.
First of all, thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Secondly there is this guy in my school, and we
used to hate each other but he suddenly started being nice to me. Now I like him and I asked a mutual friend who
is pretty close to us both if he liked me? and he said no and I asked her to ask him why he was suddenly being
so nice to me and he said it was just because I was being nice to him. But he's being such a sweetie, how do I
find out if he really does or doesn't like me and how do I make him notice me or like me if possible?
~Adina~ a.k.a. Deeni"
Thanks for being so polite, hon. I would venture to guess that he does like you; however, there are different kinds
of liking. Ditch the intermediary, but continue being your own sweet self. If he "likes you-likes you"
as a potential girlfriend, in time, you'll know it. Rushing things and having your friends badger him on your behalf
never really works as well as being natural. Even if everyone else in school is conducting their social life through
intermediaries, you look much more attractive being your own representative. Not only that, but when friends get
into the act, there is so much room for misinterpretation and misunderstanding.
There's this guy in one of my classes and we look at each other and look away and the other day he was totally
checking me out. I was just wondering if you think he likes me? And if I should ask him out? We have a dance coming
up I was wondering if I should ask him to go with me? pleeeeeeease reply as soon as possible
Dear Very Observant,
He could very well like you. Or, maybe not. But, you are never going to find out if you don't take a chance and
Go for it,
My problem that I have a boyfriend who says that he loves me but the big problem that he is happily married but
he says that he couldn't help loving me and it's the same for me too. I can't stop loving him I know his wife and
kids they are very nice all of them and I hate myself when I think that I am taking someone elseís husband. He
is also not ready to do anything in our relationship so I don't want to lose him. I feel that I love him more than
anything in my whole life. I am 25 years old and he is 32. Please tell me what to do especially that he sometimes
stop to call me but then he call back and say that he is busy and I can do anything but believing him. Also my
parents don't know anything about it because I just a bad thing here in my country that I love a married man they
could kill me if they knew so the pressure on me is from every where. I don't know what to do. Please help me and
answer my problem as soon as you can. Thanks for listening
Listen to what you're saying...he says that he loves you but the big problem is that he is happily married. No,
hon, the big problem is not that he's happily married, the problem is that he's a liar. He's lying to you and to
his wife, and he's putting you in an impossible and dangerous situation. He's in heaven with his girlfriend on
one side and his wife and family on the other. He ain't going nowhere, sweetie, life is too good for him as it
is now. You deserve better. Someone who wouldn't want someone he loved to have to live with this kind of a lie.
When his wife and your family find out, you will be even more unhappy, so end it now before you become the ultimate
OK, I am 15 (will be 16 in December) I am totally in love with this guy and we are talking about having sex. I
want to but I am sooo afraid it will be painful. Do you have any advice? This is really serious.
Wait until you can be totally sure. It might be two months...two years, whatever. There can be a little discomfort
the first time, but it is no big deal if you're ready emotionally for a sexual relationship. Being afraid will
make you tight and it will hurt more. It should be an important milestone in your growing up and there's no need
to rush. There will come a time when you have no fear, only desire. When that time comes, please practice safe
sex...there both enough teenage mothers and teens with AIDS in this world already. Whenever it happens, hon, I
hope you're ready for it and because of that, it's wonderful.