What are the effects of bulimia? Recently, after a harsh
breakup, I have developed some bad eating habits. I am having troubles with my self-confidence, wondering why He
would leave me
signed, Bulimic One
Dear Bulimic One,
Making yourself vomit after eating is
a serious problem. You seem to be aware that eating disorders are tied very closely to our psyche and seem to surface
during periods where our self-esteem is low. So, the obvious thing to do is to work on your self-esteem in a constructive
A little pep talk, hon...if you let this break-up put you in a bad place, you are giving someone else control of
your health, both mental and physical. Eating disorders are usually about control -- a person feels powerless,
out-of-control, and begins to obsess about their eating habits, the one area of our lives we have complete control
over. They become addicted to controlling their weight and eating and focus on little else. It is a serious situation.
While I'm no expert, I do know that throwing up repeatedly eats away at the enamel of one's teeth. It robs your
body of necessary nutrients and thus affects our skin, nails, and hair. Mouth sores, chronic bad breath, brittle
nails, gum disease, loose teeth, gaunt-looking skin, dull hair -- not a pretty picture!
I suggest you look into counseling. See a doctor and get help before this manifests itself into something big.
There are support groups for people with eating disorders. Look around for one that is right for you. We'll try
to post a site for more information about bulimia in the near future.
No relationship is worth endangering your health, compromising your good looks and emotional well-being. This breakup
is but one small valley in your life and, be assured, there are good times ahead. Don't sacrifice your health before
you get there. It's just not worth it, hon.
Please get some help and let us know how you're doing,
About a month ago, my 3rd cousin and I fooled around,
and eventually had sex. I love him with all of my heart but I don't know how everyone else will react if we get
together. Now we have to act like nothing happened. Help me!!
Signed, Confused Cousin
A lot depends on your family, culture,
and just how distant you are as cousins. While in most cultures, incest is major taboo, some cultures draw the
line in different places. For example, it might be okay to marry a second cousin, but not a first in certain parts
of the world. Also, it depends on your families and just how closely you were brought up. If this is a third cousin
you have really not spent alot of family time with, it might not be viewed in the same way if he were a cousin
who spent tons of time at your house while you were both growing up. There are people, famous and non, who have
married their cousins, so it is not so out-of-this-world!
But, there is a reason that incest is a taboo and it is a serious one. When you marry someone from your own family,
you are reinforcing any genetic weak links. That means if you choose to have a child together, whatever genetic
flaws that appear in your genetic makeup might also appear in his, too. Therefore, a child of such a union has
a greater likelihood of being born with genetic abnormalities and weaknesses than a child of a couple that is non
Before you go public with this relationship, I would wait and see if it is truly worth putting yourself in the
spotlight like that. If it turns out that this is just a passing phase, everyone will know and, believe me, they
will never forget even fifty years down the road. If it turns out that you are really crazy about each other and
this be the real thing, then you can go public with a strong foundation of love under your feet.
Whatever you do decide to do, think about
it carefully before you act. This is not the time to be impulsive.
I am 17 years old and have been going out with this guy of 6 months. The problem is that we are happy most of the
time, but somehow or the other, we tend to fight or should I say argue. I guess that I am the one who always tends
to make little issues get on the way. A typical example is that he had found a job for the holidays and I feel
that he now does not have enough time for me. We have spoken about it, and he has agreed to sort things out, but
whenever I think of it I get irritated and begin an argument. I love him and I really want this to work, but I
am almost saturated with this, I don't know how much I can handle because I know that both him and I are trying
our very best to make it work, but I don't know what's wrong?
signed, Argumentative One
Dear Argumentative One,
I have said this before, but it bears
repeating: It is no fun arguing. A relationship is supposed to bring us pleasure, not pain. If you find you are
fighting with your fella more than having fun, then, I think, you have a problem. Maybe you're not as compatible
as you think.
I know it is not fun to be left alone during holiday time, but this guy seems to have a valid reason. Putting work
or school before your girlfriend can be seen as a sign of maturity. When you land a job, the bosses don't want
to hear that your girlfriend doesn't want to be alone on the holidays. Sounds like this guy has his priorities
in order. It is not like he's choosing to go out bowling with the boys. He's working, for goodness sakes. Grow
up! If you love him, you'll be there for him after work and respect the fact that he HAS TO work. Stop whining
about not having his undivided attention and find some interests of your own. Or, sooner or later, he will find
someone who doesn't put his back up against the wall or corner him with emotional blackmail when he's doing what
he HAS TO do. Keep pushing and he may realize that you are not fun to be with. Try being supportive instead.
Recently during my period I have been experiencing awful cramps. My moms gynecologist recommends that I move around
and take Advil and there’s nothing else I can do. Do you know of anything else that might help?
signed, really bad cramps
Dear Really Bad Cramps,
While I'm not a doctor and you didn't say
how old you are, I believe that cramps are normal, especially in teen years. I know that, for me, they've gotten
easier as I've gotten older. So you do have something to look forward to.
But, for now there are a couple of things that may help. One, relax. Cramps are always going to seem worse when
you're stressed out. Yes, I know how hard it is to relax when you're coming off a week of PMS. Try yoga or walking,
maybe some meditation. It can't hurt you and could help you in ways beyond your monthly discomfort. Hot baths and
a heating pad on the tummy have always made me feel better. There are also herbs you might try from the health
food store...dong quai is one...that have been used for "female problems" for centuries. Get your mom
to take you to the health food store and see what's available. You might want to look up in herbal remedy book
what's recommended for cramps. Diet is also supposed to help or hurt, so while you're looking up herbs, see what
foods are advised to ease menstrual pain and which foods you should avoid.
Maybe other females on the boards have found different solutions. Any advice, ladies?