Dear msX ~
Well, I am a 16 year old girl which is facing a very
difficult situation right now and Iíve been facing it for a pretty long time. I have exams coming up soon, and
this year it's going to be the most important year of my entire life!! If I don't get excellent grades then I am
not going to be able to enter university because this is how the system works (IGCSE-British System) Whenever I
enter an exam room, I start breathing so quickly, my mind gets blocked and I start sweating and shivering which
makes me forget everything I studied. This has made me fail a couple of exams, especially in the subjects that
I am not really go at like Math. My parents tried to solve this problem but it never seems to disappear, and if
I am going to face this problem in the coming exams then I am dead!!!! Just tell me how can I make myself relax
before an exam, how can I make myself feel o.k. and be like Yes, I can do it??!! I need help real quick! Please!
Confused and sooooooo scared
Dear Exam Fatigues,
Seems grossly unfair that your whole future is dependent upon these exams. Some people just don't test well and
it is no reflection on their intelligence at all. However, this is the way the system is for now and you have to
make the best of it. Just what you said, you need to affirm to yourself that you can do it, breathe deeply, and
relax. Get good sleep the night before and eat something before your test. Sometimes caffeine can heighten people's
tension, so go easy with coffee or tea. Familiarize yourself with the subject, but don't study so much that everything
becomes a jumble. The most important thing is to relax...this is a test and it is important, but it is not life-or-death.
AffEcTiOn. . .
Dear msX ~
First of all I'd like to Thank-You for giving me and many others some great advice, You doing a good job...keep
it up!) But my question has to do with affection... I started going out with my boyfriend Cole, the problem is
we're both very shy. I'd like to be able to just go up to him and hug him, or kiss him etc. (Stuff suitable for
public of course) But as soon as I'm around him I get really nervous and shy. Please don't say if I'm still nervous
around him, then I'm not ready for anything like that, because I feel like I am ready. So Basically can you give
me some good tips on how to show my boyfriend affection, and what are some cute things he would like me to do to
show I care? Please Help...It will be very appreciated...Thanks! = )
The nervous and shy feelings are really just part of falling in love. You can feel that way at any age, ready or
not. Some of the sensations of being in love and attracted mimic being nervous and you can't always tell them apart.
Take it slowly. Use your body language to tighten up the space between you and Cole and all the affectionate gestures
you're craving should follow naturally. What may seem awkward at first, will become natural in no time.
Have fun with it,
Dear msX ~
Ok, last week my boyfriend broke up with me telling
me that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend but then we still talk on the phone and what not. Well, the Thursday after
out break-up , we were on the phone and we had both agreed to start seeing other people so we were talking and
I told him about a date I had with one of my old friends, well he got all mad and jealous even though he's seeing
other people too and told me that he doesn't think that we should l talk anymore. But then on Saturday he called
me again. Then on Sunday I asked him if he misses me and he said every day and every night , I still sleep with
your pillow and your teddy bear and then he said that sometimes he wished he never would have done what he did
but then he said he was glad he did it which only confused me because he contradicted himself. What is he doing
to me? Should I just let him go or should I hold on because this is his way of coming back? I mean I really really
He sounds like he's sending mixed signals. Let him work out his confusion without adding to it. He doesn't know
what he wants yet. If you give him some space to decide, without detailing your dates with other guys for him,
then maybe he'll return to you with a clear head. Wouldn't that be the best? Otherwise, do you want to pursue him
and have him bring his same confusion back into your relationship? Think about it.
Dear msX ~
ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO AND
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GET BACK TOGETHER I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD BUT THERE ARE OTHER GIRLS THAT LIKE
ME BUT I WANT HER WHAT DO I DO?
Dear Other Girls,
If you love her, then tell her and forget the other girls. While it is flattering to be liked by many, it is precious
to be loved by one.
GIRLS AT SCHOOL- HUMILIATION
Dear msX ~
These girls that used to be my best friends just turned
on me. It all started a few days ago when I got a little upset because my best friends started leaving me out of
things so I decided that maybe I need some time to myself, without those 2. Today we had to write stories and they
wrote about ME- and it was not very pretty! I ran out of the room and stayed in the bathroom and my friend came
out and told me that the story was about a girl named Mandy (which was a name that me and my best friend used to
use for this girl we didn't like, so in notes we could be like Mandy was rude today!) and that Mandy (which is
me) has no friends, hangs out with these 2 girls (my ex-bff's) just to be popular, has to train her stupid goldfish
(I train dogs on Monday nights) every Mon. night, and the list goes on and on. I cried forever! My other close
friend always helps me through things but today she said I dunno what to tell ya! and looked the other way. I talked
to my mom and she said School's almost out, just ignore it! and that made me cry even more. So, my other friends
told the teacher and she said that she isn't sure if the story is about me (ask anyone in the class, it was!) and
yadayadayada! My other friend was talking to one of the girls who wrote the story and she said that it wasn't about
me what-so-ever and all these other lies! Oh-ya, they read it to the whold class. Also, don't say to forget about
it or you have other friends, because I'm not the kindda person who can have people hate me and not care. I don't
know what to do, no one seems to understand me, and I refuze to talk to the principal because these girls WERE
my friends and I would feel guilty and it would also make matters worse, what should I do?!
If you let the whole thing die down, it won't be in your face all the time. You are making it worse and you know
it. You can't stop people from talking about you, but you can stop them from having bad stuff to say. Get your
act together. You can't control what people say about you, but you can control how you react. You blew this little
incident into something that no one can forget because of your overreaction. A better reaction would have been
none at all.
Dear msX ~
what are some ways to say no to peer pressure?
Dear Peer Pressure,
The most important way to say no to peer pressure is to work on your own individuality, so that no one would ever
expect you to be a follower. Once you know who you want to become, there's less need to follow others. Write your
own map and let no one lead you astray.
Dear msX ~
well, I've been with the same guy for two years. It
seems to be like things are just dying out, we do love each other, but we're getting bored of the routine....what
do you advise me to do about it? we already took a break to try to find out if we loved each other and it came
out to be that we can't be without each other...what do we do?
Dear Bored After Two,
Could it be that you're not bored with each other, just bored with the patterns of your relationship? How about
you work on finding some new activities, things you can do together as well as things you can do alone. The together
things - maybe a dance class or tennis - a new activity you can practice together. Alone stuff will give you an
interesting dimension for when you come back together. Having new stuff to talk about can only spice things up.
If you let each other grow as individuals, the underlying love should stay the same but the interest factor will
small breasts-small confidence
Dear msX ~
I have small breasts for my age. I know that I should
just be happy with myself but it is hard for me. no guys notice me!! I have tried stuffing my bra and buying padded
bras but I'm sick of it!! I've made up my mind...I heard about pills you can take to make your breasts grow. Do
you know anything about these pills? are they safe? where can I get them? I really need help!!! do you think you
can help me!?!? thank you for your time!! please help!!
The pills don't work. Save your money. Instead work on developing a style of dress that accentuates your positives.
Women with less abundance can wear (and look good in) skimpy little dresses and tanks that the truly voluptuous
cannot. Not all men are into boobs, anyway, and the guy you want is much more interested in your inner self than
your outer self, right?
heís in love
Dear msX ~
hi. about a week ago this guy I REALLY liked asked me
out. he is sweetest guy in the world. I was always a sucker for guys who couldnít care less about me and it was
real depressing cuz they wouldnít know I existed. now Iím so happy because he cares so much and says he loves me.
but he is madly in love with another girl. they have been best friends forever and theyíve had sex before but she
has already has a boyfriend and she just doesnít have as strong feelings for my boyfriend as he has for her. whenever
he talks about her, I can see how much he loves her...he said he loves her more than life itself and he would die
for her and that she is just the best person in the world...and whenever this happens, my heart just breaks and
I feel like crying. he says so genuinely that he cares about me but I feel like I can never surpass her place in
his life. this girl is my friend and everything and its just so hard for me. sometimes I just want her to give
up her boyfriend to be with my boyfriend so that he will finally be happy because I think they maybe were meant
for each other. how should I act in this situation? I like him so much and Iíve been waiting for someone like him
forever but I donít know what to do now...please help me.
Dear He's In Love,
What are you? Chopped Liver? Where do you figure in this equation or do you honestly get your jollies being so
self-sacrificing that people can cut your heart out while you hold the knife for them? If your boyfriend has issues
with another girl, coming to you for help with it is insulting and demeaning. Tell him you're not interested in
playing Cupid and to work things out himself. And, you work on figuring out why you think you don't deserve better
Dear msX ~
I have liked this guy since October but he has had a
girlfriend for 7 months. we always hug and me and his girlfriend always talk
If his girlfriend's a friend, think twice. Then think again. He may just like to hug. Wait for a stronger signal.
When these two break up, you can make your move, not before.
Dear msX ~
I was going out with this guy Michael AKA moo moo for
about 2 months. the other day his cousin came to me asking if I was going to break up with him & said that
he was cheating on me with a girl that I knew. I asked him about it & he denied it. i went to hang out in the
park near my house yesterday and my friend Ashley came running up the street saying he was at the park hanging
out with the girl. she said that she had oral sex with him while we were going out also. he denies that also. I
went to the park to find out that he had ran off through the creek because he knew I was pissed off & he thought
I was wanting to fight the girl & I wouldíve came after him also. but I eventually talked to him & he swears
that he didnít do anything with the girl. he says he loves me to much, he doesnít like the girl that he was supposedly
cheating on me with, and he wouldnít do that because he doesnít want to see me mad or hurt. when I talked 2 the
girl & her friends they all said they had messed around but my ex still denies it. he keeps asking me out &
begging for me to believe him. I asked my friends about it because they have dated him before. heís very well known
for sweet talking & I donít know who to believe or what to do about this.
can you please help me out????
Dear My Ex,
You know exactly who to believe. You just don't want to believe it. Open your eyes, girl.
Dear msX ~
well my friend is about to get in a fight and she needs
help to avoid the fight. so can you help me.
It's good that you recognize that fighting's bad. Now you just have to get your friend over to your camp. Hard
to do when everyone is probably egging her, feeding off the excitement of getting some live entertainment in the
form of a girl-fight. If you can reason with her, great. But, if you can't, don't follow her to the fight site.
It's very easy to get drawn into a brawl, watching a friend's fight. You keep your principles and your face intact.
Dear msX ~
I have been on and of with my boyfriend for the past
2 years. Every time it gets to 2 months he drifts off and hurts me, I find out that he has seen another girl usually
ju7st for one night. I know he cares about me he just has a commitment problem. Iím only 18 and I know there is
more fish in the sea but I have met nobody like him before he just like me, I know it sounds very naive. he has
told me that he loves me and I do believe it in a way. he is 21 with a very active lifestyle. I also have a commitment
problem, commitment scares me and I think he can feel this from me. he has recently changed his career and is alot
more motivated and determined to succeed in life and think he may have changed but I just cant trust him. my mind
tells me to leave him for good but my heart tells me to stay. please help me I am so confused.
Dear Only 18,
Only you can make the ultimate decision of whether to stay with him and trust him or leave him and move on. How
are you going to know what's the best scenario unless you give each one a test drive? Since you've already tried
life with him, why not have a trial separation to see what life is like without him?
Dear msX ~
I can't tell if this guy likes me? I mean he tries to
talk every day to me! He is always really worried about me hating him! My friends have asked him if he likes me
(without permission of coarse) and he just replied I don't know and he added that I don't talk to him! I just don't
get it, What do you think?
Sounds like he's waiting for your return signal. If you like him back, give him the courtesy of a response. Flirting
is supposed to be like volleyball and you are holding the ball. Play fair.
Dear msX ~
I always feel so abandoned because I was adopted and
all of my boyfriends that I really care about end up cheating on me.....including my boyfriend now that I am hanging
on too because I believe he has changed. I have tried suicide before and ended up going to the hospital for overdosing
on over-the-counter pills. The only reason I didn't take more was because someone who I did care about stopped
me. I try talk to my friends now but never get advice because they just don't understand yet. I am only a freshman
but I know I matured more than alot of other freshman because I had to. Today someone gave me really good advice
and she actually understood me and it was wonderful for me. But I don't know how to help myself when I am by myself
crying. I am almost always crying alone. I get lost sometimes and I need help but I don't really like counselors.
I have tried them before and I didn't like it because I felt like I was talking to a wall that said fake responses.
I don't know what to do about things in my life anymore? Can you help me?
Keep trying to get help. Sometimes you have to try several counselors or doctors until you find the right fit.
Don't give up until you do. See a doctors, too, because chances are there are medicines that can alleviate some
of your symptoms of depression. Sounds like you need a combination of therapy and medicine. Don't give up,
Feels like I'm being stabbed in the back
Dear msX ~
Its the end of the year and my friends are seeming to not like me much anymore. I don't know if its just me or
what but every day now they seem to try to walk off and leave me. What I mean is they walk fast ahead of me and
its like they don't want me around. They even say stuff like why don't you ever stay home. We donít want you around.
But it sounded like they were picking. So what should I do? Should I stop hanging out with them or what?
Dear Stabbed in the Back
Think back on how your actions may have caused all of your friends to gang up on you. You may not be able to take
it back, but at least you'll know in the future what kind of behavior to avoid. Or, approach one of the kids separately
and ask what they're stewing about.
Does he like me
Dear msX ~
There's this guy that use to like me a little. Now I like him and I don't know if he likes me and he has a girlfriend.
Iíve has a couple of people ask him but he said no . What do you think?
Dear Does He Like Me?
Timing is everything, girl. Right now he has a girlfriend. You missed your chance.
In Love With Friend
Dear msX ~
I'm in love... with a very close friend of mine. I know
he probably doesn't feel the same way about me, but I just want him to know that he'll always have my love no matter
what. With graduation coming up so soon, this could be my last opportunity to make him aware of this. The problem
is, he has a girlfriend. Would it be wrong to say something to him? Should I just keep it quiet?
Dear In Love With Friend,
Once you cross that line, you may not be able to cross back. A safer bet would be to send out signals and see if
you get a response, but keep things in the realm of friendship, so that all is not lost, if the answer is no. Good
Dear msX ~
I go with this boy but my parents hate him!
Should I keep going w/ him w/out my parents knowing or dump him!! I really really like him!!!!
Dear In Love,
Lots depends on why your parents don't like him, how old you are, and what the consequences will be should you
get caught doing something you were forbidden to do.
Dear msX ~
I've went out with guy for 4 months then I broke up
with him. I made a big mistake breaking up with him. So then we still went to the dance together, we had a great
time. Then we started going out again. It's been a month now. He hasn't called me for a week and I tried calling
him but he is never home. Or his family is making up lies for him. I found out he wants to break up with but I
can't get a hold of him to talk with him. Then my friend has been talking to him at school and tells me stuff then
my other friend tells me something different. My other friend says that the other friend is trying to get on him.
It just feels like my one friend is trying to break us up. What should I do? Help me please!!!1
His family wouldn't lie without his permission. He is telling them to say he's not home. He obviously is over you.
And, when you rely on your friends to relay information, you risk lots of misinterpretation. But, since the guy
won't speak to you, isn't that the answer right there?
Dear msX ~
I have this x-boyfriend who I used to like a lot so
I asked him if he would go back out with me and he never told me yes or no so I got the picture. then one day he
came to my house to hang out and my best friend happened to be there . I could tell they liked each other since
they saw each other I had thought gotten over him .so I decided to hook them up .Now they have been going out for
3 months .every week she comes over to see him and he comes over to see her they flirt hug kiss etc. Now I get
jealous when ever they are around but of course I donít say anything. I'm going out with his best friend and he
has no problem with it. What should I do?
Deal with it. Sometimes it's a good thing to hide your feelings, other times it's not. This sounds like a good
time to hide them, as there are three other people who could get hurt. Give some thought as to what you're jealous
of...the interaction in your friends' relationship that may not be present in your own, her having your old boyfriend
and winning whatever competition is between you, or just the fact that you still care for him. Unless you can put
a label on what you're jealous about, keep it to yourself.