Today, for the first time in my life, I have been
acclaimed somewhat of a 'loser' because of my lacking
of a boyfriend. Only expecting such things to happen
in comedy series like 'Ally McBeal', I was greatly
taken aback and didn't know what to think, when all
my achievements such as knowing how to play two instruments
and my quite sizeable knowledge of the English language,
were brutally overshadowed by the fact that I have
no boyfriend, and this from a class-mate!
Did I feel depressed? With all sincerity I have to
say that yes, I was. After laughing the matter off
as if it were a great joke, I started thinking about
what this girl could have meant - was this really
just a joke, or am I actually being patronized by
girls, who are already in love? Are my achievements
at school treated with light cynicism just because
of the fact that I have no one to hold hands with
in public? And finally, what exactly makes these 'taken'
girls look upon me as if I were some kind of invalid?
I can't help comparing this situation to a known
book and series 'Sex and the City'. It describes the
life of four single 40-year-old women and their relationships.
There the differences between single and married women
are also shown (and they are quite similar to my situation
now). Married women, though, are shown as the ones
that need to push up their esteem, by making single
women understand just how pathetic they are - while
they are not!
I always thought single women of being more liberated
and having a much bigger choice in life to do what
they want. And this isn't a wrong picture of course,
because they most definitely don't have any responsibilities
towards husbands or families unlike married women.
Yet, in my eyes, this does not make married women
any kind of 'loser' - they just chose different things
in life, or better yet, they definitely had more luck
in life when it comes to finding The One. Even so,
I also don't perceive the liberated single women as
But what do I have to say of teenagers and the division
between 'having a boyfriend' and 'single'? Is there
a division, and if yes, does it make sense when you're
just 17? To me, it doesn't, but it obviously means
a great deal to my peers. What keeps coming to mind
here is that this girl maybe also wanted to show that
having a boyfriend is an achievement, which I haven't
accomplished, therefore I must be quite abnormal.
I don't feel in any way lacking beauty or intellect
just because I don't have or can't find a boyfriend.
On the contrary, I like the fact that most things
in my life are so self-centred right now. I like watching
movies on TV with my brother rather than hanging on
the phone with a guy and talking about who loves who
most, I like going to the cinema with my friends,
of which not all are single, and not having to have
stupid discussions about this like 'I really love
you, honey, but I have to go out with my friends sometimes
alone' and finally I like the liberty of arranging
my schedule the way I want and not having to take
under consideration how many hours a week I can give
up to meet with a guy and if I shouldn't maybe cancel
my guitar lesson today because we're going through
a bad period.
I don't understand how simulating a marriage at the
age of 17 has gotten to be so trendy. The worst for
me is that many people take this seriously and look
upon me with pity whenever I say that I'm single.
They also say that 'you have to be patient, and I'm
sure you'll find as great a guy for yourself as my
guy is for me' just because I dare to say that I'm
not in love with anyone.
In conclusion, what should I do: finish this composition,
do my homework and then call my best friend for this
week's portion of gossip, or should I open up my address
book, choose the ex-boyfriend I still like best, say
how stupid I've been for dumping him and suggest we
meet up sometime soon? Tough choice, yet I remain
the 'loser' I was at the beginning of this story and
I pick the first option. I go to a school where much
is expected from me, in two years I plan to go to
university in England and after that I will not settle
for just any job on the market. I am targeting high,
and that's where I plan to be; the top. Now, answer
the question yourself: until I achieve this top (which
doesn't necessarily mean great career and a lot of
money) where do you see a faithful and loving male
companion, who will understand my ambitions and work?
Just as I thought: the answer is NOWHERE.