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I spend way too much time at the theaters.
I'm a slave to the Hollywood Visionaries.  God help me.

BIG DADDY

Directed by Dennis Dugan
Screenplay by Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy & Adam Sandler
Starring Adam Sandler, Joey Laurence Adams, Jon Stewert
My advice: Too mean spirited to be funny
Rating: out of

<expels a sigh> Whew. This will be tough for me.

Let me go on the record and say I really do like Adam Sandler. Next to Brendan Fraser, no one can pull off the lovable loser like this guy. It's astonishing to me that, as unappealing as his movies seem to be, he has a market as huge as he does. What does this say of the society we're living in?

Don't get me wrong, but this is no Wedding Singer. Now, I actually began to appreciate Adam's talent in the latter. Paired with Drew Barrymore he was sweet and compassionate and....adult. Oh my God, there it is. Adam Sandler is just so un-adult.

The premise of this film was really cute. They could have done so much more. Instead of making it warm and humorous with a clear moral lesson it became a movie filled with bigotry, antifeminism, and child rearing that screamed for someone to pick up the phone and dial Child Protective services.

I'm not saying I didn't laugh. Many of the parental scenes I found full of humor but only because I have children of my own. Those of us who have ever encountered our child spitting into the cat's bowl or gluing their hands to their private parts (God help me, this really happened in my home) can catch the joke without it being told. That's the problem here. It's all over-told. Many moments that could have been finely humorous were ruined by Adam guffawing or screaming as he stumbled about very non-parentally. I'd venture to say my 14-year-old son would have made a finer father to this boy than Adam did. At least my kid is mature.

Here's the scoop. Sonny Koufax (Sandler) is a bum of a 32 year old whose never amounted to anything. He never finished law school. He can't hold a relationship. He's just a big zero.

In an effort to hang on to a "fine piece of tail" girlfriend, (I can feel my eyes beginning to twitch here, this so unnerves me) he takes in a "waif" (adorably played by Cole and Dylan Sprouse) left at his doorstep. Not just any "waif" but the "love child" waif of his roommate (Stewart) who's off in China doing some legal blather before his upcoming nuptials to an ex-Hooters waitress Corinne (Leslie Mann).

After a failed attempt using the kid as bait to woe back his girlfriend, who has moved on to bigger and better and...um...older things, Sonny tries to romance her younger sister (Adams) instead.

We are then forced to watch him begin to bond with this child and make a concerted attempt to keep him for his very own. I have two words for that kid.

RUN! RUN!

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