February 25th, 2000
Ode to a Puddle Jumper
Oh, little plane
with engines bitty
Do not crash with me
upon Detroit City
Hello, all. Ugh. I have spent ALL day learning how to do FTP
to get my new site prepped out for when my name appears. All day! I am a true idiot of immeasurable calculation.
FTP. T is for transfer, P is for protocol, and the F is for...well. This is a family show. I've thought of lots
of great words for the F today. Stupid program.
Still sick. My throat still hurts and soon I shall be aboard a plane whisking off to places unknown. Why don't
you all meet me at the Detroit airport with your extra valiums? I may need the boost.
So, as you know, I have been bemoaning the small "puddle jumper" that I shall soon be boarding. I got
the cutest letter today. Thought I'd share.
Don't sweat the puddle jumper flight. The ones I've been on actually have more seat room than some of the larger
jets. I really like the Saab 380 and the Canadair Regional Jet. People under 5'6" can even stand up straight
once they get inside the door. If you're lucky, you'll get a seat in front of the engines and the noise won't be
quite as bad. As far as skipping over the tree tops of Detroit - well, it's been warm in the northeast of late.
If the pilots miscalculate a skip at least Lake St. Claire and the Detroit River are thawed out. Much better to
land softly in water than to bounce endlessly off the ice. (Really, the airport is pretty far from the lake and
the river. It would have to be one hell of a skip to get that far.)
Have a nice trip,
ps - Love both your columns. Your sense of humor really cracks me up. My office neighbors think I'm a little nuts
because of the laughs and chuckles for no apparent reason, but it gets me a funny kind of respect. At least I think
Isn't that nice? Brian tried to make me feel better and everyone at Brian's office thinks he's a loon. Well, if
he gets fired, he can work for me. How do you look in Speedo's, Brian? I need a pool boy.
Well, wish me luck. Soon to be flying, 800 columns to transfer to a new domain, work to do and more columns yet
to write. Oy. What a life.
I'll see you all on TUESDAY. That's right. No Monday. They'll still be peeling me off the puddle jumper ceiling
Next week then.