February 2nd, 2000
For my Mommy
As you all know, if you EVER read anything I post in here, my mom and dad installed WebTv last week. Since my mother
is still creeping her way about the Internet, I decided I would devote today's entry to some of the premier websites
on the Net. Are you ready, Mom?
Welcome to our virtual tour of mystifying things on the Net! Please, keep your hands and heads inside the window
and do not, under any circumstances, feed the animals!
Blue Raspberry Jell-O Zone: "There is a fifth dimension
beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension a shade of blue better left to the imagination than described
and has a taste like nothing organically possible. It is the middle ground between liquid and solid, between science
and superstition, and
it lies between the pudding and the ready-made pie crusts of aisle 10. This is the dimension of colloidal dispersions.
It is an area which we call The Blue Raspberry Jell-O Zone!
Belt Sander Racer
Association: "Two belt sanders sit idle, side by
side, as the crowd grows silent. With the cry of "Ready....GO!" Lorne Nielson flicks the start button
and both belt sanders go racing down the 30' long track as the crowd erupts into cheers. Another belt sander drag
race final at Nielson's!"
Great Toilet Paper Debate: Cast your vote! "This
colorful page originated with a pointless argument amongst a few friends as to what was the proper alignment of
a toilet paper roll when installed in a standard dispenser."
Martin's Sunny Summertime Horoscope! Need I elaborate
on this any more? Dean Martin and his Horoscopes! I tossed this in because my Mom knows who Dean Martin was. Most
of us younger folks just think he might be that guy behind the counter at the corner service station.
Hair Trek: Do you have any Star Trek fans in your home? I know I do. What would
happen if Captain Janeway had someone else's hair? Cleopatra Janeway? You can redo her doo here.
State Tasty Insect Recipes: I'm including this link
<gag> because I know my mom is always trying to keep my dad on his diet. If she can get him to eat this stuff,
more power to her. This is just gross.
The Infamous Exploding
Whale: Ever hear the story about the exploding whale?
Did you think it was legend? Did you accept it as fact? Well, here it is! All you ever wanted to know about the
exploding whale story!
Monkey Worship Page: I only included this one because
I've seriously been considering getting some Monkey's of my own for my office. This way, if I do break down at
the toy store some day, you can't start making fun of me because people are worshipping and all. They really are.
This is proof.
Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything: Another
nifty page for my Mom. (I just secretly want to know how many times she pushes the button before she realizes....well.
Homepage Pregnancy Test!: If you have your own webpage,
go check this out. My mom doesn't have a page so she can't participate but she'll be ecstatic to know that MY HOMEPAGE
IS PREGNANT! That's right, I can expect a new link anytime now. My mom loves kids. She'll be thrilled.
Magic 8-Bob Page: Go to Bob with all of your woes. Ask
him your questions. Who needs that stupid fortune cookie web page when you can have smoking BOB!
Psychic Ant Farm: Same theory as Bob, but I included these guys in case you should want
to try any of those tasty bug recipes up there. Ask the ants; they speak the truth!
Makeovers: Just because I live to poke fun at Bill Clinton.
It's like a virtual Mr. Potato Head for my Mom. Enjoy!
And, lastly, the ever important question and the answer I have found: Bureau of Missing Socks:
Don't tell me you don't care. I know you are dying to know where that extra yellow one disappeared to yesterday.
You can find out here.
Well, that's it for our virtual tour today! Please make sure to take anything you may have brought onto the bus
with you when you go, and we'll see you all next time!