January 26th, 2000
Creature from the Trailer Park Lagoon
Hello from sunny Colorado! Here, let me pass out some earmuffs
and sweaters out to all of you people stuck in the blizzards of the NorEast. Don't think I don't feel your pain.
My Oxygen media people also were trapped in the snow, so I am now interviewing this afternoon -- or tomorrow afternoon,
as I write these entries in advance for Annie. She needs them by about 8am her time and my entry would be pretty
boring if it consisted of...
Got up. Can't find my toothbrush. See you tomorrow.
As I sit here now at 5:37pm my time, I await the return of my brave knight. It seems I have a fierce sea creature
loose within my bedroom, and he must appropriate the proper tools to slay it. Loosely translated, my waterbed has
sprung a leak. La dee freaking da. I did manage to track the puncture to the upper right quadrant of my bed. I
have a hole in there about a quarter inch wide. I am assuming the in heat cat attempted to mate with it from beneath
the frame. There is a small opening under there. Stupid thing. I should use her to patch the tear. Just ram her
little, caterwauling head right in there.
It's a huge bed. About eight hundred feet in width. I lifted the corner, water spraying in a lovely little arc,
and while pressing my upper torso against it managed to wedge a laundry basket into the corner of my bed. It now
sits propped up, no longer leaking, waiting for my hubby and a patch kit. I should point out that as I tried to
desperately staunch the flow with my laundry utensils, my seven hundred pound three year old jumped on the bed
and wandered to the open corner, causing another tremendous stream of icky water to shoot into my eyes. I screamed
at him. That got him off. So, yet another near catastrophe averted by the quick thinking of a renegade Mom. I rock.
My feet are wet and frozen, but I rock.
I got an email from Annie wondering what the Associate Producer position was all about. I'm not sure if you have
all heard of Oxygen, but they are going television wide February 2nd. I'm sure you'll see tons of commercials.
It's in association with Oprah Winfrey, and the site they are working on -- for SheCommerce -- will bring the best
of the best in web services together. I am trying to get the Baby and Toddler area. Let's hope I get the job. If
not, I'll be pretty damned cranky. Can't have that.
I've compiled all of my best stuff for my telephone interview. I've spent hours perfecting my handshake; not too
firm a grip but slack enough to let them know they're in charge. I'm also wearing my Power Suit. Of course, that
consists of a T-shirt with jelly stains and faded jeans so it's more like my, "Oh my God! Where has all my
power gone?" kind of look.
I've also composed a series of thought provoking questions for them. The most important being,
"Since I am telecommuting, can I still get drunk at the
company Christmas party? And, if so, do I just upload the pictures of me with a lampshade on my head to the web?"
I'm gonna nail this. They'll love me. I hope. I hope. Ugh.
I also got in touch with some fine folks at Amateur Chef today. They were looking for freelancers and I thought,
"Well! How about me? I can't cook a damned thing, so this is perfect!"
Makes sense in an ironic sort of way, no?
Well, apparently they thought so. They have been kicking around a funny, Helpless in the Kitchen series for a while
and I'm as helpless as they get. I need to work up some demo crap for them tonight. I am the only person alive
who can sell ice to an Eskimo online. Hee hee. I congratulate myself.
Well, time for me to hop off the computer and check my voice mail. See if the hubby is nearing home. I also need
to gather every towel within a twenty mile radius and try to sop up some of this waterbed ooze. What a mess.
See you on the flip side.