Subj: Your web page
Date: 01/22/2000 6:30:29 AM PST
We found your web site address scribbled on the wall in the bathroom at the Greyhound Bus Terminal in Wetumpka,
Alabama. The message read "For a real cyber trip, check out OneNastyBabe on the web. So we did. And we found
you. Don't you feel... lucky?
When we got home from our trip (Senior Citizens bus trip of
the great state of confusion...I MEAN ALABAMA) we studied your page in depth. We are 2 retired Psycho Analytical
Psychiatrists who just recently took up the study of "WWW Exhibitionism. " This is a new area of study
so I guess you could say we are pioneering this area of study. I don't know how much actual study we will be able
to gather as we are 92 and 95 years old. But I guess we will be able to pass some information on to others to continue
our work. In order to study Exhibitionism one must be a Voyeur. I guess you can call us "2 retired Psych Analytical
Psychiatrists on a Voyeuristic journey into the mental health of web page owners." For lack of a better term.
We have thoroughly enjoyed looking at your marvelous creation
and will study if further.
First a question: Is Maji your real name or is it short for
something like Majic or Majisty or Maji me tomorrow and I won't call the cops!
New lets get to your web page. Is that a self portrait at the
top of your page? Is that really you? Is that your child at your feet with a look of Toddler Dysfunction on his/her
face? Why does that child have no clothes while you seem quite well dressed? Did you just read him/her the story
"The Emperors New Diapers" in hopes of embarrassing the child into instant potty training? If it works,
let the moms of the world know. You might be onto something, in a very demented way.
You have the captions "You to may worship me" Is that
where the Maji-sty thing comes into play? and "Mom On The Edge". What are you on the edge of, dear. Despair?
Dysfunction? Dementia? The world? A cliff with no safety harness to prevent a free fall splat to the earth if you
miss your footing? You can tell us, dear. We are trained professionals.
We have read some of your columns. They are quite entertaining.
Is this what you do for a living? Or is this just a hobby? Or is it something to do to keep you "On The Edge"?
What ever the case, your writing is a joy to read. And so revealing of the real you.
For instance "Mom's New Laws".
You have a bit of Hitler and Stalin lurking around somewhere. Don't deny it. We are professionals. We know these
things. You want your world to march to your drum beat. You won't tolerate any out of step soldiers. Nothing wrong
with that - unless the troops revolt. Ever hear the phrase "Hostile Take Over"? thats what you could
be facing if you make more of your rules.
We will continue to read your web page and dissect and analyze
as necessary. We will get back to you with further findings. But for now this is Peg and Marion signing off. Bye,
Subj: Re: Your web page
Date: 01/22/2000 10:42:14 AM PST
Well, imagine how delighted I was to find an email from you
in my box. Your reputation, of course, is highly thought of and greatly debated throughout the world wide Net.
Previous to this actual "sighting" most of us believed you were, how to say it, just a fairy tale. No
more substance than the trip, trip, trop of a goat on a bridge, so to speak.
I have never been in Wetumpka, Alabama. It's nice to know someone
capable of wielding a Sharpie marker is touting my abilities across the great states of America. What a humbling
feeling. I feel blessed.
I do not do this professionally. I profess to doing very little,
actually. I'm one of those rare and strange breeds referred to as a freelancer. That means I'm free and I can lance.
I'm rather handy in a bar brawl.
What exactly is a Psycho Analytical Psychiatrist? Is that the
Internet form of "Opinionated Quack"? The "WWW Exhibitionism" terms worries me, as well. I
promised Mom I wouldn't take my clothes off on the net. Not unless the part really called for it.
Next question answered. Maji is merely a nickname, of sorts.
Study my page further and you shall discover the real me. I've liberally dosed my given moniker throughout each
The logo is not a self portrait. Well, perhaps the look of scorn
and contempt is accurate, but usually I am the one naked in a diaper and the kids are well dressed. It's a personal
expression issue, let's not go there.
I'm also not quite clear on what "edge" I am riding.
I am assuming it's the ragged edge of disaster, but I've been too afraid to peek over the ledge. I'll let you know.
It's my recommendation, as true professionals, that you create
a certificate of sorts. Something small announcing just how psychotic you feel we are and hand those out like Chicklets
to the masses. Every mass likes a good chew of gum.
I've also noticed an interesting thing. Your parent directory
on your website indicates it was created just today. Seems as if you are also a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped
in a strait jacket. We should bond quite well.
I shall, later this evening, create a whole new section of my
page devoted just to you, Peg and Marion. I expect pictures and verification to arrive in quick fashion. It's imperative
that the net have it's own Dr. Frasier Crane, and I think you might be it.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some drumming to do.
Maji "Awaiting My Certificate" Hildreth