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Alex:
Skippy, do you remember when we were little kids and I accidently ran over you with my bicycle?
Skippy:
Yeah.
Alex:
I drive a car now.
Steven:
If these had been pop tarts, we'd both be dead men.
Alex:
There are women in need of my attention lined up all over this city.
Greg:
Who are you kidding, Alex? You haven't had a date in three months.
Alex:
Can you imagine what that's doing to these women?
Steven:
Hey, hey, A-Alex, where you been?
Alex:
Oh, we had a meeting at the debate club that ran a little long. Kept arguing over what time to stop.
Alex:
Girls don't shoot ducks, Mallory. Men shoot them, dogs retrieve them, women cook them -- that's the food chain.
Jennifer:
I told you to run a down and in, Skippy. You were supposed to go to the pole and stop.
Skippy:
I did! I stopped when I hit the pole!
Alex:
So, this is a great sorority. All girls, right?
Mallory:
Here's some juice, Jeff. I squeezed the oranges myself.
Alex:
You know what? That is a very nice thing to do for someone, Mallory. I'm sure he appreciates it.
Jeff:
Yeah, I really do. May I squeeze something for you?
Steven:
Kids are growing up too fast. Half the teenagers in America are sexually active today. I mean, what's going on
with these kids today? Wait a minute. Do I sound like Alex?
Timothy:
Well, Erwin, I've been explaining to Alex that a monk must take sacred vows of obedience, poverty, and chastity.
Skippy:
So you mean do what you're told, always be broke, and never have a date?
Timothy:
Um, hum.
Skippy:
I may already be a monk and not know it.
Steven:
I-I-I was having a nightmare. I dreampt I was Nick.
Steven:
Elyse?
Elyse:
Yes, Steven?
Steven:
You know that pact we have? Always resolve all our differences before we go to sleep, never go to bed angry?
Elyse:
Oh, Steven.
Steven:
Well, it's off!
Elyse:
Mallory, that was history in the making. There were people from every state in the union at that protest.
Alex:
What were you protesting? Good grooming?
Elyse:
How much sleep did you get last night?
Skippy:
Nineteen hours.
Elyse:
[to Alex] You see? [realizes what Skippy said] Nineteen hours?
Skippy:
I came home for lunch yesterday and took a nap. I just woke up a few minutes ago.
Stock Broker:
Alex, take it easy! So it's dropped 28 points.
Alex:
He bought it at 29!
Alex:
What? Am I a weatherman? I'm just a kid in high school!
Alex:
He had such a cute walk -- one foot in front of the other. And then when he ran it was the same thing only faster.
Alex:
Think what we're doing. We're taking a simple peasant girl and we're transforming her into somebody who could even
have a conversation with me!
Jennifer:
I think you're gonna have to give her a little more incentive than that.
Mallory:
Come on, Alex. You're getting a little too pompous even for yourself.
Alex:
Good evening. Keaton Manor. Oh, Dad... I meant, in a manor of speaking, hello... Keaton.
Steven:
The fat man has landed. The eagle walks alone.
Elyse:
Steven, tonight you're going to get lucky.
Steven:
I don't care about that Elyse, I want food!
Mallory:
Alex, I told you whenever you take a message to write down who called, when they called, and what it was about.
Alex:
I did. Somebody stupid called, sometime today, about something trivial.
Mallory:
Alex, you know that could be *ANY* one of my friends!
Steven:
Nick, when did you first become interested in art?
Nick:
I don't know.
Steven:
Could you expand on that?
Nick:
I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T K-N-O-O-O-O-W.
Steven:
I see...
Mallory:
Dad, don't interrupt him!
Steven:
I'm sorry, Nick, what were you going to say after I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T K-N-O-O-O-O-W?
Nick:
I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R.
Steven:
So, Nick, do you go to school?
Nick:
No.
Steven:
Could you be a little more specific?
Nick:
Yeah, like, when school's on, I'm not there.
Nick:
I'm sorry I'm not the type of guy you want Mallory to go out with. You know, I ain't no Charles Bronson.
Alex:
All right, Mallory, Subaru me.
Mallory:
It's Shihatsu.
Alex:
Bless you.
Nick:
How you's doin'?
Alex:
We's doin' fine Nick.
Nick:
A - lex
Alex:
Ni - ick
Nick:
A-a Alex, how's my little friend?
Alex:
A-a Nick, how's my little neandrathal?
Alex:
So Ellen tells me you're rich... richly deserving of many compliments, that is.
Mr. Reed:
So you're Ellen's boyfriend.
Alex:
That is correct.
Mr. Reed:
What are you a dancer, poet, communist?
Alex:
No sir, I'm against all those things.
Mr. Reed:
Well, that's refreshing.
Alex:
I stand before you as a representative of all that is decent in this country and I might add I'm very sympathtic
to the upper classes. Getting back to your wealth, Ellen tells me you're a coorporate lawyer.
Mr. Reed:
That's right we deal in...
Alex:
Acquisitions, anti-trust matters, takeovers, statutory mergers.
Mr. Reed:
Are you interested in the law?
Alex:
Yes, sir... as it pertains to money.
Elyse:
What did you mean when you said you weren't a woman?
Alex:
I'm not. I hate to break it to you this way.
Elyse:
Steven, what are you going to do? She's eighteen! What do we do? Ground her?
Steven:
Oh yes, we can ground her. Ground her as she's never been grounded before. Ground her deep, ground her long, ground
her hard.
Steven:
Since when did he start going by Bob?
Elyse:
Steven, does it really matter?
Steven:
Yes it does, Elyse. I'd like to know if I'm talking to my brother Rob or Disco Bob.
Mallory:
How rich?
Alex:
Well, Mal, you know how much money Nick will make in his entire lifetime? I should pass him by Thrusday.
Alex:
It's hard to be humble when you are going to make seventy five thousand dollars a year.
Steven:
Alex, that is a lot of money, it's very impressive. But don't forget to ask yourself this question: Will it bring
you fulfillment?
Alex:
Dad, it'll bring it, it'll clean it, and it will have it pressed for me in the morning.
Mallory:
Don't play martyr with me Alex, you used me to get out of your bet with Skippy.
Alex:
I used you?! You used me first to go out with Sherry to get you into Pi Nu.
Mallory:
That's only because Sherry was using me to get to you.
Alex:
Exactly, Sherry used me, you used me I'm the only one who got used twice. And I wasn't even trying to get into
anything...well, you know what I mean.
Amy:
What are you, Pre-Law?
Skippy:
No, I'm sort of pre-mature. What I mean is I haven't really found the classes I want to take.
Amy:
That's ok, choosing a career is a big decision.
Skippy:
No, I mean I physically can't find my classes.
Alex:
Do you know what happens to boys who play with dolls? They become men who play with dolls.
Ned:
What are you working on?
Mallory:
Algebra.
Ned:
What's the problem?
Mallory:
Algebra.
Alex:
What is the most exciting part of it all?
Ned:
I have two secretaries.
Lady:
Do you know where gate 27 is?
Alex:
He doesn't speak English.
Lady:
Well then maybe you know where it is.
Alex:
I don't speak English either.
Ticket Man:
Do you want something?
Alex:
Nah...Oh yeah, there is one thing. I need an airline ticket.
Ticket Man:
What a break. I happen to sell airline tickets. Where do you want to go?
Alex:
What do you mean?
Ticket Man:
I think the question is pretty self explanatory.
Ticket Man:
Name please.
Alex:
Alex Keaton. No not Alex Keaton.
Ticket Man:
Not Alex Keaton?
Alex:
No, Ned Donnelly...No no, not Ned Donnelly, my name is definitely not Ned Donnelly.
Ticket Man:
You had less trouble picking a city. Look kid, relatively speaking, this is one of life's easier questions. What's
your name?
Alex:
Alfredo Gomez.
Alex:
See ya' pal.
Andy:
Hey, send me a picture of the first guy you step on as you climb up the corporate ladder.
The last line of the last episode of the last season
of Family Ties.
Alex:
I love you guys.
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