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Eyes Blinking Confused

 

We ignored the mass critics and rented "Eyes Wide Shut".

I don't *do* movie reviews, only because I don't often listen to anyone else's opinions about them and prefer to make my own judgement.

Oh boy.

I should have saved the five bucks. This is the dumbest, most boring movie I think I've ever had the misfortune of staying awake through.

The only person you don't see with their pants down is Tom Cruise. And to be honest, that's the ONLY person I wanted to see with their pants down.

Not that I'm a prude.

The opening scene is a naked Nicole Kidman. We get the pleasure of seeing her in stages of dress and undress a little too often. We see a junkie sprawled naked in a chair, while Tom Cruise looks only in her eyes, carefully avoiding everywhere else. In fact I was quite impressed at his ability NOT to look anywhere else. I guess once you've seen one rack, you've seen 'em all.

Little House on the Prairie was more erotic than this.

Personally, I think Cruise's character is a bit of a wanker, if you ask me. His wife says she fantasized about another man. Hey... studly, it happens. She didn't DO anything about it, geez she had wicked thoughts. You think I watch Sean Connery movies because I like his tie? I think not. Hell I even enjoyed Entrapment. Just goes to show you.

He flips out, can't stop thinking about it, almost does a hooker, gets involved in a very kinky little display at a mansion, obsesses, obsesses, obsesses. Pathetic really. We get to watch 10 minutes of him walking down the street. Daydreaming. Obsessing. Walking. Obsessing. Opening a door, putting his keys down, taking off his coat. It was much like a Bruce Springsteen song.

An unfortunate swan song for the late Stanley Kubrick. Not that I was a big fan, Clockwork Orange was just a tad too bizarre and brutal for me, and I don't think I understand the script.

"How are thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip-oil. Come and get one in the yarbles, if you have any yarbles you eunich jelly thou."

I don't think it's exactly your typical family entertainment. What with the lashings of the "Ultra-Violent".

If you need your Cruise/Kidman fix, bypass "Eyes Wide Shut". Try "Days of Thunder" or something, even that Irish flick "Far and Away" is easier to watch, alas it has little to no rating on the 'rack scale'.

Needless to say, this was *bad*. A much wasted 2 and ½ hours of lying in bed and trying to figure out some sort of plot. Maybe I'm sexist. Perhaps if Cruise had removed his clothes when he was TOLD to in the film, there would have been some perks.

Nah. The only thing that could have saved this film was a plot, a good script, better lighting, interesting actors, and some dancing yaks.

 T O P

M O R E from D A V E

 

Unless otherwise specified, all material Copyright 2000 by Dave

     

 

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