Thursday, January 04, 2001
Welcome to Thursday's boy-band-free Synopsis. Line of the day must go to our pal Hopeless: "Our wedding was
perfect until that corpse showed up."
Bo and Hope celebrate their wedding night.
Hope: What do you think?
Bo: I think you're wearing far too many pieces of clothing.
MEANWHILE, Brandon and Sami's talk is interrupted
by a call from Nicole.
phone) Divorcing Lucas is the right thing to do, Nicky.
The thing that will most likely get me laid.
(hangs up) Samantha-
Sami: It's "Sami."
Brandon: Samantha, you should get married.
Sami: I haven't seen Austin for months.
Brandon: You've finally noticed?
Sami: I figured he'd just gotten lost in a closet again.
Brandon: Will you marry me?
Sami: Hell no, you poor excuse for an imitation of what Lucas used to be!! (leaves)
MEANWHILE, Italian Guy has had a heart attack.
Angela: Brandon, my fiancé, says this is a great
Craig: Brandon Walker? But he's always hitting on Lexie, and Sami, and Jennifer . . .
Angela: (thinking in an accent) Huh? (aloud) Is my father all right?
Craig: He needs to make some lifestyle changes. You know, only have people killed a couple of times a week, that
kind of thing.
MEANWHILE, at Titan:
Victor: I want water flown to those earthquake victims.
But only the ones who work for Titan.
Nicole: Victor, you're working too hard. Live dangerously. Like this shirt I'm almost wearing?
Victor: Hmm, I guess doing the deed with you again WOULD be dangerous considering that you sleep with everything
Kate: I'm doing this for you and Will. I love my grandson
so much that I used him to try to kill his mother.
Lucas: Okay. I admit that I'm an alcoholic but now I'll start drinking for no apparent reason and say it's a perfectly
reasonable thing to do.
Kate: It's no less reasonable than us being at work while it's still Christmas Morning in the other scene.
MEANWHILE, in the Garden of Bad Special
Effects, a hole has been burned through Austin's chest.
Greta: Here, I'll throw you the magic antidote.
(It goes through the hole.) Damn! (to Curtis)
You can't do this! He never lost hope!
Gina: Well, it would be hard to lose Hope, what with those two big-
Curtis: You have one more test before you may leave the Garden. You have to play a game of (grabs microphone)
"Whose Kid is it, Anyway?" (everyone
Greta: Okay, okay, if it's for the orphans. (She,
Gina, John, and Stefano begin to dance.)
Greta: Like most children of Salem
I do not know my Dad
My friend Lili could not count
The men my mother had.
I really ought to find out
And then I'll have it made.
'Cause 'til I know who's family
I really can't get-
Gina: (speaking) Mon petite chou, that is NOT an appropriate song for the Official Salem Virgin. (singing) I am
And I refuse to die.
Before you even ask me
I will tell you why.
My daughter has a father
Although I can't say who.
Now don't be angry, Greta,
I'm just protecting you.
John: They say that I knew Gina
A long, long time ago.
Perhaps she was a princess,
Perhaps a skanky (coughs)
I have many sons and daughters
Seven at last count.
I do not need another.
Doc's patience's running out.
Stefano: Gina was my worker
And I paid her very well.
She stole me many paintings
And I thought this was swell.
She came into my bedroom
And she looked really fine,
So if she isn't John's kid,
Then Greta must be mine.
Curtis: You have passed the final test. But before I go away-
(pulls out a gun and shoots a suddenly appeared
Greta/Austin: Oh my God. He killed Belle. The bastard.
MEANWHILE, Abe and Lexie are home.
Abe: That body we found reminds me of Marlo.
Lexie: Imagine that.
Abe: We suspect foul play.
Lexie: What do chickens have to do with this? (Abe
Abe: (turning to the couch) Hey, Isaac, why are you still awake?
Isaac: I'm feeling really jealous. ClayZebra has played "Whose Kid is it, Anyway?" with Greta, and Chloe,
and JT, but not with me.
Abe: Well, we can't have that! (Calls Celeste
and Hope in.) Time for a hoe-down! Hope: But I already did
one this show!
Abe: That's what you get for playing a dual role. (singing
I love my little Isaac
I'm glad that he's my son.
Lex fought me about Marlo,
And now I'm glad she won.
Marlo drank while pregnant,
I thought Isaac might be ill,
But he already talks more
Than Sami's son Will.
Lexie: My Dad got me a baby
And killed the baby's mom.
I was once a beat cop
But my morals are all gone.
When Abe asked me for the truth, well,
I told him where to go.
Is it any wonder
That MY Dad is Stefano?
Celeste: I'm glad that I'm a Grandma
It keeps me on the show.
Isaac needs a sitter
And that is me, you know.
I have psychic powers
And Steffy I despise.
But you don't have to be me to see
That Isaac has Hope's eyes.
Hope: When I gave birth to JT,
He looked a lot like that (points at Isaac)
But now he's weak and sickly,
While Isaac's strong and fat.
They were born on the same day,
I know that, silly me-
But isn't it odd that
Isaac looks like Shawn-D?
End of Show