|Monday, July 31, 2000
Well, now that Eric has gone bye-bye (without going splat-I feel robbed), the Synopsis is returning to once-a-week schedule. (So I'll throw in an annoyed, spoiler-induced comment now about how four-plus years of Days are negated tomorrow when Lucas tells Nicole he's only cared about one woman besides her-and he doesn’t mean Carrie! Sheesh.) Line of the day today goes to my Dad: "This is a sign that they didn't run out of cocaine in the writers' lounge this week."
Sami and Brandon try not to get pushed off a cliff in Italy.
Brandon: Not to worry! I'll just have a flashback to my Dad beating me and Victor's thug will have no chance.
Sami: Or I could be given superhuman strength by sensing that my twin is in mortal danger across the ocean. It worked for Hope when Gina threw Shawn-not-D off that ledge.
Brandon: (sneering) Honey, I'm the man. You're the woman. I get to save you. So forget the twin radar.
Sami: Okay, but try to make sure the kid playing you in the flashback looks at least a little like you this time.
MEANWHILE, Nicole runs into Austin at his apartment.
Nicole: Invite me in for coffee. I could make it worth your while.
Austin: Subtle. Real subtle.
Nicole: Well, they say you're all muscle and no brains.
ClayZebra: And there's a reason we say that.
Austin: Okay, Nicole, come in. Maybe you can explain to me why it's morning here and night in Italy when Italian time is ahead of central time, which we're apparently on in Salem since today you mention being East of the Mississippi and Salem obviously isn't on the East Coast.
MEANWHILE, John wanders around the Penthouse reading his mail.
John: And here's something from the Toscano Foundation . . . (slapping hand against forehead) Oh, s____! I just remembered-I have another kid besides Belle! Now where did I put him? (on cue, music blares from upstairs) Brady! Turn that down, I can't hear myself think!
Brady: Serves you right for leaving me up here for a year and mentioning me exactly TWICE!
John: (shrugging) That's about what Eric got during the five years he was missing. Count yourself lucky. (Brady continues to blare music) I WANNA SEE YOU RIGHT NOW!
Brady: Too bad. They just cast me and they haven't had time to shoot any scenes that I'm actually in yet.
John: I should've left you at college and made you take summer courses. Most kids who are seven in the summer and at college in the fall need a little extra help.
MEANWHILE, the Wesley house is in an uproar because Mimi is missing. Not sure why they aren't throwing a party.
Chloe: Your father didn't know you were on the street?
Mommy Lockheart: Your father doesn't know you exist. I'm one up on you, at least.
(Chloe storms out.)
Belle: (to Nancy) Don't worry; Chloe looked very mature at the dance. She looked about as mature as Shawn-not-Douglas, you know, like a twenty-year-old pretending to be fifteen.
(Outside, Shawn-not-Douglas has followed Chloe.)
Chloe: Why did Philip ask me out?
Shawn-not-Douglas: Can I read his mind?
Chloe: Well, yeah. I thought your family had some big psychic connection to each other, and that Philip was your uncle.
Shawn-not-Douglas: So, you're hung up on Philip?
Chloe: True or not, has anyone in the history of the world ever answered "yes" to a question like that?
(Chloe leaves, Belle arrives.)
Belle: Don't worry about Chloe-
Shawn-not-Douglas: Forget about her. Pay attention to me. With me, what you see is what you get. I mean, I was born in 1987, so I'm about the right age to be in high school. Not like Brady, who's a ring bearer one summer and in college the next- (breaks off, crying)
Belle: Shawn? What's wrong?
Shawn-not-Douglas: It was one thing when you and Philip caught up to me in age. But now Brady's PASSED me. I mean, if you go over to Beth's Children of Salem page, you can see a picture of me at Brady's christening, and I'm already in elementary school! I'm standing next to Sami and Eric and we're about the same age! But everyone says you and I grew up together. Does that mean the Christmas pageant I put on with the twins never happened? How about the Valentine's Day party I helped Carrie plan, where I dressed up as Cupid? You weren't even born then. What about my friendship with Nikki Alamain? Or my involvement in getting my Dad to date Billie? Did any of that happen, if I grew up with you? I'm tired of everyone getting SORASd but me!
(Goes on a killing spree, and soon he is once again the only teenager in Salem.)
Shawn-not-Douglas: Hmm . . . I wonder if I'll have to go back to hanging out at "Joey's House" now . . .
MEANWHILE, Greta watches Eric's car get hit by a train, and Mimi runs off the train.
Mimi: Oh no, Greta's crying. This can only mean one thing: her mother has died YET AGAIN. (Hugs Greta.)
Greta: Urgh, get off me, you smelly homeless person.
Mimi: This is a sign that I should go back to Salem, without standing around to see if my best friend's brother is all right.
MEANWHILE, in Eric's subconscious mind:
Judge: You're on trial.
Eric: I don't get it.
Judge: (rolling eyes) Typical Brady. Weren't you paying attention when this happened to Austin after Brandon beat him up last year?
Isabella: Eric, I'll speak for you.
Eric: Isabella? You're a lawyer?
Isabella: What, you'd rather have Mickey Horton?
Eric: No, no, no, no, God, no, um, I love you and thank you, Izzy-B.
Judge: Never mind. I can see he's guilty.
Isabella: I knew Eric as a young boy. I was his stepmother. He was always kind, sensitive, and compassionate.
Judge: Liar! Eric Brady isn't always anything. He's almost as schizophrenic as Mimi or Greta. I mean, first he has some deep dark secret, and then he's helping Carrie expose Sami, and then he's a Sami-clone abusing John, and then he's a virgin in love with Nicole, and then he's Stanley Kowalski, and then he's in love with Greta, and then he becomes the Amazing Walking Hormone, sometimes he can fight and sometimes he can't, sometimes he's connected to Sami and sometimes he's not-
Isabella: Just let him live, okay?
(The judge agrees and Eric awakens, says good-bye to Greta, and turns to the vision of Isabella.)
Eric: Now what should I do?
Isabella: Leave town. With one fewer established character, not that you're THAT established, they can add one more teen, and this time it'll be MY kid!
Eric: But I'll miss Salem.
Isabella: A part of you will always be here.
Eric: You mean because my family is here, and so are the people I've touched over the years?
Isabella: No, because your leg is still lying on the track. You didn't think you could total your car like that and just walk away, did you?
(Eric hops off into the sunset. End of Show.)
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