|November 28, 1997
Hi everyone. Here it is, a new synopsis.
Kristen is visiting Susan.
Susan: If you think I'll give Little Elvis to you, you've just gone bonkers.
Kristen: JUST? I resent that.
Susan: I'm not giving this baby to the head vampire's daughter. I'd rather let the head vampire himself take him.
Kristen: He's not my real father.
Susan: You might not have the same last name.
Kristen: I married Tony. So actually, we do. Anyway, I've only been evil the last year or so. Just since I started having contract problems.
Susan: I won't give you Elvis.
Kristen: Remember, this is not a normal situation. I mean, we actually figured out who this kid's parents were before he went to college.
Susan: That is unusual now, isn't it?
Kristen goes to see Stefano.
Stefano: Ah, look at little Sami. Kristen used to do as well, but somewhere along the line she lost her fire.
Kristen: I could take that teeny-bopper.
Stefano: That will attract a sell-out audience. We'll do it as soon as the ratings drop, okay?
(Kristen leaves and Laura arrives)
Laura: If you had anything to do with my daughter's disappearance-
Stefano: Take your hands off of me. (sigh) Women have so much trouble doing this. No wonder I have so many kids.
OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.
Some gingerbread men are jumping out of as plane.
GBM1: I'd rather die than touch that Cool Whip.
GBM2: Well, I think we've avoided them.
GBM1: Wait! What's the rating on this show?
GBM2: PG I think. Uh-oh. This is too much violence.
GBM1: Okay. I guess we'll have to put up with that Cool Whip junk.
Announcer: Joy isn't like a pie. The more ways you split it, the bigger it gets. But we know everyone needs a sugar high during the holidays, so just in case you split your pie too many ways, we'll make this commercial very sweet. Maybe we can make it so sweet you'll throw up on your cotton sheets, or at least spill something on them diving for the mute button. Then you can buy some more cotton. The touch, the feel, the fabric of our lives.
MEANWHILE, an upset Kate is in her office with Carrie, Austin, and Lucas.
Kate: I can't believe Sami sold me out.
Lucas: I know. Just because she's been telling you she'd do it for months, that was no reason to think she actually would.
Kate: Oh, Victor, I'm sorry I let you down. You've always been such a saint in business dealings.
Lucas: Mom, I want you to know you'll never lose me.
Kate: I want you to know how much that means to me. Nothing. You're a spineless little jerk. Probably because you're the only one of my kids I actually raised.
Austin: I . . . can't . . . imagine . . . what . . . would . . . be . . .so . . . bad.
Carrie: Imagining takes brain cells.
(Kate leaves and runs into Laura)
Kate: Laura, I'm so sorry to hear about Jennifer.
Laura: It's awful. Abby has no idea where her Mommy is. I can't help her, so I just leave her home alone to answer the phone herself.
Kate: The whole situation is terrible.
Laura: But at least MY kids LIKE me. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah. That's what you get for having an affair with my husband. Ha ha ha.
MEANWHILE, Peter is on the phone with Jennifer.
Peter: Jen, I'm concerned about your safety. So I had you kidnapped. If youíve ever believed anything, believe I still love you.
Jen: Well, I believed you weren't a criminal. I guess I can believe this. Iím pretty gullible. (they hang up)
Travis: Looking forward to seeing your ex?
Jen: Not that one. (pause) Jack, you have to save me. I'm helpless without a man! (she falls asleep)
Jen: (dreaming) Abby, you're all grown up.
Abby: (in dream) It's not such a big deal. It only took a month. I mean, look at you; you haven't aged at all.
Jen: (in dream) Well, I am proud of you. At least I can understand what youíre saying now.
MEANWHILE, Peter is talking with a woman named Toni.
Peter: I have to get back to my wife.
Toni: She must miss you.
Peter: You see, I can't wait to put this necklace around her neck, and she canít wait to wring my neck.
Toni: It's a beautiful necklace.
Peter: The sparkle pales in comparison with her eyes.
Toni: Will she buy a line like that?
Peter: She's from Salem.
Toni: Oh. Where the stupid things are.
Peter: Would the pilot drop me off by the Grand Canyon?
Toni: Pilots always make special stops.
Peter: Thanks. And if you have any sinks you need pulled out of the wall, let me know.
End of Show
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