Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Passions Parodies (multiple pairings)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2000

    Post Passions Parodies (multiple pairings)

    PASSIONS~~~EPISODE 1,289,632

    "Oh, Miguel," Charity sighed sweetly.

    "Oh, Charity," Miguel echoed. Patting the top of Charity's faded gray hair.

    "I love you, Miguel."

    "I love you more, Charity. I'm so happy we're going to be married soon. I can't believe it. It's almost like yesterday.the day I met you."

    Charity's blue eyes softened. And her nose crinkled up. Amidst a sea of wrinkles. "It was love at first sight."

    "Over 60 years ago, and you're still the most beautiful girl in the world to me," Miguel grinned in that doofus way of his. "You're going to be the most beautiful bride Harmony has ever seen." Love truly was blind. Quite literally, actually. To him, Charity STILL was the most beautiful 'girl' in Harmony.

    "And you'll be ssssssssooooooooo handsome," Charity twittered. "I only wish the nurses would let Aunt Grace have a day pass from the home to come."

    "She'll be with us in our hearts."

    "Yes, she wi.Miguel! It's so awful! These visions! Terrible things are going to happen! Terrible things!"

    Miguel sighed heavily and took her hand. "Evil is not coming to Harmony, Charity. You're just a little tired. It's those awful prunes you ate for breakfast."

    "No, Miguel. Evil is coming. I can feel it. I'm scared, Miguel. So scared. There's danger ahead for Theresa. And Sheridan.she's going to die, Miguel. She's going to die!"


    "Blah, blah, blah!" Kay grumbled. "Over 60 years of this, and Miguel still hasn't figured out his girlfriend is cuckoo. Loony tunes. Nutso. In need of an."

    "Kay Bennett! Miguel loves Charity. Not you. Look at them," Simone urged. A bored expression on her face. "They're so in love."

    Kay smoothed back her silver hair. And eyed her still-svelte figure in the mirror. "Not after tonight, Simone. Tonight I'm going sneak into Miguel's bed after Charity's asleep. After Miguel makes love to me, he'll dump my dear, sweet cousin. For me," she clapped her hands gleefully.

    "Where have I heard this before?" Simone mumbled. Picking up an apple from the fruit basket on the table.

    "Kay," Jessica hissed. Her blue eyes flashing behind her bifocals. "If you keep this up, you'll bring evil to Harmony again. You'll bring Hell back to our home."

    Kay rolled her eyes. "Miguel belongs with me. The sooner he realizes that."


    "Hello, girls," Sam greeted. Hobbling through the kitchen door. His walker crashing into the legs of the table.

    "Dad! You destroyed Mom's tomato soup cake she sent to you," Jessica said. Bending down to wipe the pieces of the horrid concoction from the floor.

    Kay grinned at her father's not-so-secret smile of satisfaction. "How's Mom, Dad?"

    Sam's bones cracked as he plopped down in the chair Jessica offered. "She was still crying when I left. The nurses said she's been upset like this years."

    "Still upset about living a life of sin with you, Dad? About David?" Kay asked.

    Jessica scowled at her sister.

    "That damn man! That marriage certificate was fake. Fake I tell you. He had no proof!" Sam roared.


    "Why can't I remember you, David? You're not my husband. Sam's my husband. My only husband. My husband, my husband, my husband, my husband!" Grace wailed.

    David winced. "I'M YOUR HUSBAND, GRACE. ME!"

    Nurse Rubble popped another chip in her mouth. "I love his accent."

    Nurse Flintstone groaned. "How many years is she going to let this go on? She's no spring chicken! Personally, I prefer Chief Sam's deep blue eyes."



    "Evie Weavie," Julian hiccupped. His brandy sloshing over the top of his glass. "You know you want me. Let's go play doctor."


    "JULIAN! YOU IMBECILE! KEEP TINY JULIAN OUT OF THIS. We have important business to take care of. Your sister must die. Tonight!"

    "Yes, Father," Julian muttered like a whipped puppy. Tottering forth to fetch dear old Dad an ashtray for his cigar. "YOU!"

    Timmy blinked his eyes and went into instant doll mode.

    Tabitha slapped Julian's shaking hands away. Her blond curls were tied with pink, purple, and orange ribbons.

    Julian shuddered. "I swear, Father. The doll talked. The Timmy doll talked. Admit it, Father. The old bat is as strange as they come."

    "She NEVER ages," Reese added. Punching wildly at the tiny computer in his palm. His blue eyes magnified a thousand-fold behind his thick lenses.

    "How rude Ross!" Tabitha glared.

    "POOKIE! POOKIE!" Rebecca's derriere wiggled to and fro as she shuffled over to her beloved.

    "Becs," Julian grinned.

    Rebecca undid the top two buttons of her blouse. Revealing her sagging bosoms. "Pookie," she purred. "Want to play cat burglar?"

    "MEOW," Julian purred. Rubbing against her. "OUCH!" he exclaimed when Ivy slugged him upside the head.

    "YOU DISGUSTING PIG! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE MARRIED YOU. Oh, Sam," she sighed. "I should have told you about Ethan sooner."



    Ethan turned his head to one side. His hearing wasn't all it used to be. Wonder why? "WHAT? WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?"

    "Oh, Whit," Theresa bubbled. "Isn't he so handsome? I knew Ethan belonged with me. And not with that nasty old


    "Think again, Theresita," Gwen hissed. "Ethan belongs with me. And as soon as he learns the truth."

    Theresa's face froze. The truth? No. It was impossible. Besides.they were only little, teeny, tiny white lies. All in the name of love. "Back off, Gwen," Theresa warned. Stretching to her full height of five feet, 0 inches (she was shrinking in old age). "Ethan's mine! I won his heart. It was FATE."

    "I can't wait 'til Ethan finds out just how much of a liar you are," Gwen grinned smugly. "I have proof."

    "What kind of proof?"

    "This again?" Chad whispered to Whitney. "Hey, Whitney. Stop pretending. You love me. I love you. We need to Simone. Stop denying yo feelings, Ms. Russell."

    "We can't tell, Simone," Whitney whined. "It would kill her. Her pacemaker might go haywire."


    "Oh, Luis."

    "Oh, Sheridan."

    "I love you so much, Luis. More than I ever thought imaginable. I can't wait to be your wife."

    Luis threaded his fingers through Sheridan's bleached blond hair. "I love YOU so much. I can't wait to call you Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald."

    Sheridan ran a hand over Luis's pudgy stomach (hey! We all can't stay super- gorgeous in our 80's and 90's, can we?). "We've been through so much to be together. Father and Julian can't break us up now."

    "Let them try," Luis grinned. Waggling his eyebrow. "SHER-EE-DUN."

    "Oh, Luis," Sheridan moaned. "What do you say?"

    "I like the way you think," Luis groaned. Diving in for another kiss.

    They rolled around on the bed for a couple minutes.

    "You still got it, Luis," Sheridan panted.

    "I do, don't I?" Luis grinned stupidly.


    Alistair watched from the bushes. "Have your fun, dear daughter. Tomorrow you'll die."


    "Hank? Hank? Is that you? I didn't recognize you with red hair and green eyes," Grace peered. "Oh my god! You're my son with David!"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2000

    Re: Passions Parodies (multiple pairings)

    Amnesiacs Anonymous

    Grace gripped Sam's shoulders tightly, sobbing her heart out.

    Her daughter, Charity's cousin, hated her.

    HATED her.

    Kay actually thought that she, Grace Bennett, Harmony's Mother of the Year for the last six consecutive years, did not give a da.darn about her. She'd called her a bit.b-word that rhymed with witch.

    Grace had never heard such filthy talk, and if her devastation weren't so great, so tremendous, Grace would wash Charity's cousin's mouth out with some Irish Spring.

    But she was stunned. Stunned so badly not even a nice, yummy Tomato Soup Cake could ease her heartache.

    Only one thing would help her, she thought as her tearful blue eyes scanned the bulletin board several feet away.

    Grace Bennett needed to go to another meeting.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~

    Charity slumped over in her wheelchair, her blue eyes searching every dark corner of the hospital's halls for evil.

    Evil lurked everywhere.

    Evil was out to destroy hers and Miguel's love for each other.

    "Charity, are you okay?" Miguel leaned over her shoulder to whisper in her ear.

    Charity's lips lifted into a syrupy smile, and her voice was as sticky- sweet as molasses as she scratched absently at the irritated, red scar along her chest. "Miguel. It's just a heart transplant. Dr. Russell said there's no reason I shouldn't be back to my normal self with your love to make me strong."

    Miguel gave his girlfriend a self-important grin. His love. His love would restore Charity's strength in no time. "I love you, Charity."

    "Oh, Miguel," Charity sighed happily. "I love you more. I can't wait to show you how much."

    Miguel resumed pushing her wheelchair down the hall, and Charity beamed when she saw her aunt Grace standing just outside the cafeteria.

    "Charity," Grace greeted her with a careful hug, glad to have this opportunity to further bond with her favorite niece. "I'm so glad you're here. The meeting's about to start. Miguel," Grace turned to the young man behind Charity's wheelchair. "You're welcome to join us. I'm sure Charity would love the support."

    "Yes, Miguel," Charity cocked her head to the side, offering her boyfriend a slow smile. "I'd like you to come. You know more about me than I know about me," she batted her lashes shyly.

    Grace took the wheelchair from Miguel and started pushing Charity inside, leaving Miguel to follow them.

    Miguel's jaw fell to the floor when he barely avoided a head-on collision with a ghost.


    Sheridan's death grip on her oversized purse never let up as Luis pulled her out of his little brother's path.

    No one came between Charity and Miguel. His kid brother followed the eccentric but sweet blond around like a lost puppy.

    "Sheridan? Is that really you? Luis, what's going on here?" Miguel asked absently, his brown eyes following Grace and Charity's progress as they made their way to the front of the rapidly filling cafeteria.

    Who knew there were so many amnesiacs in Harmony?

    "It's a long story," Sheridan sighed, her blue eyes looking worried. "I don't even know why I'm here," she admitted, glancing around.

    "You know why," Luis practically growled. "For the past year, you've lived this whole other life as Diana on some island with my deadbeat brother."

    "Luis?" Miguel's attention snapped back to his older brother. "I know I never come home, but I love Charity. She's my life. You see me two hours a week."

    "Only two hours?" Sheridan looked at the younger Lopez-Fitzgerald in surprise before scowling back at Luis. "Brian's not a deadbeat, Luis. He's going to pay Liz back."

    "Miguel, this isn't about you. This is between me and Sheridan. Why don't you go check on Charity?" Luis suggested, turning his attention back to his fiancee. "Who's Liz? For the last time.his name is not Brian. It's Antonio, and he IS a deadbeat. My brother's nothing but a phony. I don't believe that he didn't know who you were. He just didn't want to lose you himself, Sheridan. I still can't believe you slept with him."

    "I had amnesia, Luis," Sheridan groaned into her hands. "You knew exactly who you were when you slept with Beth."

    "For the last time, Sheridan. I forgot all about Beth. I promise I was going to tell you. The whole thing with you.and my brother.she just totally slipped my mind," Luis explained for what felt like the hundredth time.

    "Well, it seems to me," Sheridan's blue eyes flashed angrily as she clutched her industrial-size purse tighter, "that you need this meeting just as much as I do."

    "If it'll make you happy, fine," Luis released an exasperated breath.

    "Fine," Sheridan snapped, striding toward the front of the cafeteria in short, angry steps.


    Chad Harris held little Ethan Martin Lopez-Fitzgerald Crane awkwardly in his arms as his girlfriend helped the cooing child's mother onto an exam table. Chad didn't have much experience with babies, but the newborn in his arms weighed more like a six-month-old.

    Whitney tucked Theresa's dark hair away from her tear-bloated face, looking up when her mother hurried into the cubicle with a harried expression on her face.

    "Whitney, what happened?" Eve asked, shining a tiny light in Theresa's reddened eyes.

    Whitney ducked her head from her mother's intent gaze shyly, twiddling with her thumbs nervously as she mumbled, "Theresa heard Gwen and Ethan making love. She went hysterical, and she hasn't said a word since."

    Eve gave Theresa a sympathetic look as she gripped the violently trembling young mother's hands in her own. "'s Dr. Russell. Do you know where you are?"

    Theresa saw Gwen and Ethan holding hands out of the corner of her eyes, and jealousy boiled up within her.

    Ethan was hers.

    Not that bitch's.

    Gwen would never have him.

    Theresa's raced a mile a minute as she thought of a way to bring Ethan back to her where he belonged.

    Willing herself to die and attempting suicide wouldn't work twice. She already knew that. Simple trial and error.

    Ethan Martin wasn't coming in as handy as she would have liked, and she was really tired of babysitting the kid.

    Where was Phyllis when she needed her?

    Theresa's heart soared when her brown eyes landed on the bulletin board behind Dr. Russell's head, and a plan started to formulate in her head.

    Ethan Martin started to cry, and Chad approached the exam table with a grimace on his face. "I think he needs to be changed."

    Theresa schooled her disgusted expression into an appropriately giddy Theresa smile. "Oh, Chad. He's so cute. Who's baby is he?"


    "Theresa," Eve's pained expression almost made Theresa giggle. "What's the last thing you remember?"

    Theresa turned adoring brown eyes on Ethan, blatantly ignoring Gwen at his side. "Wasn't Ethan's proposal at Midnight Mass the most beautiful proposal, Dr. Russell? I can't wait to marry the man I love."

    Whitney and Chad exchanged horrified looks while Eve pulled Ethan behind the flimsy curtain separating the emergency cubicles.

    "Ethan, you can't say or do anything to upset Theresa. The consequences could be disastrous."

    Theresa's brown eyes twinkled wickedly as she stole a glance at Gwen across the cubicle and gave her a devious wink.

    Now she just had to figure out a way to keep the Crane name, money, and power so she could have her cake and eat it too.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~

    Brian strutted down the halls of Harmony Hospital in his standard issue hospital gown, oblivious to the stares and shocked gasps that followed him.

    They were keeping things from him, and he was going to do a little light detective work to find out some answers.

    He paused outside the cafeteria when he heard a familiar voice.

    ".Brian.Antonio," Sheridan corrected herself quickly as she looked out into the crowd gathered in the seats before her, "Antonio took care of me when I was Diana, and yes. I DID fall in love with him. But ONLY because I couldn't remember my past life. My past life with Luis. Not my past past lives. My life in Harmony with Luis," Sheridan clarified, clamping a hand over her mouth when she realized no one but Luis knew what she was talking about anyway. "It's not like I asked to have amnesia."

    "It's okay, Sheridan," Grace soothed, coming up behind the younger woman and wrapping her arms around her comfortably. "You didn't remember Luis. I didn't remember David when I met and fell in love with Sam. You're not alone. None of us asked for amnesia."

    Gwen snorted in the back as she watched Ethan reassure Theresa that she'd only forgotten a few minor details.

    "Aunt Grace is right, Sheridan," Charity echoed her aunt's sentiments sweetly. "You're not alone. This support group is really wonderful."

    Miguel rest a supporting hand on Charity's shoulder, and the pair exchanged identical sappy smiles as Luis stood up and slowly made his way toward the front of the cafeteria, eyes dark and intense.

    Applause filled the room as the two reunited love birds embraced and shared a kiss of apology.

    And in the back of the cafeteria, the inflated ego and physique of Antonio Brian Lopez-Fitzgerald lay prone and unmoving on the floor as members of the disintegrating crowd stepped over it, and one fed-up socialite decided to hell with her intellectually challenged beau and his teenaged groupie and admired the unencumbered view.

    It was a reasonably fine-looking ass as asses went, Gwen decided.

    Maybe she should get his phone number.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2000

    Re: Passions Parodies (multiple pairings)

    Gloom, Doom, and a Padded Room

    "Tabby!" Timmy squealed.

    Fluffy, Satan's very own spawn, hissed and bristled at him, extending a mammoth paw and flashing a set of razor-sharp claws under his nose.

    Timmy was about to pee his Osh-Kosh (Bygosh!) overall pants if his Princess didn't rescue him soon. Sometimes being a real boy was for the birds. "Princess," Timmy whined, backing toward the stairs, one careful foot at a time. "Tabby! Help Timmy!" Timmy cried plaintively.

    Tabitha appeared out of thin air, plucking Timmy up by his collar and tossing him onto the sofa.

    "Thank you, Princess," Timmy lisped, rubbing his bruised forehead. "Fluffy."

    "Fluffy, Sweet Charity, Innocent there nothing you don't whine about, Lad?" Tabitha huffed, giving Fluffy a swift kick and sending the growling cat out the open front door.


    "What in Hades name." Tabitha muttered, heaving herself to her feet and tottering over to see what all the fuss was about. "I just sat down."

    Tears leaked from Grace Bennett's blue eyes as she tried to peel the monstrous feline from her upper body, causing Fluffy to just dig in her claws and hold on tighter. "SSSSSSSSAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!"

    "Oh, it's just HER," Tabitha shrugged her shoulders, pausing to fix the purple ribbon in her mountain of blond curls.

    Grace continued to shriek, in ear-drum splitting fashion.

    Timmy shrank back against the couch when Grace blindly lunged for the front door. "Tabby!" he gasped, when his Princess slammed the front door in her face.

    "What?" Tabitha asked, picking up the television remote and turning on the ancient television. "Cheap rip-off," she grumbled, passing on reruns of Bewitched without a second glance. "Hollywood. They never get the REAL story right,"

    "Timmy likes Samantha. She's nice."

    "Timmy has a blond fetish."

    Timmy scowled and crossed his arms over his chest in disgust.

    Tabitha hurled the remote control at the television set after surfing through 100 channels of NOTHING.

    "Timmy's bored."

    "Bored? In Harmony? Inside Harmony is the number one rated reality show in all of Hell," Zombie Charity said gleefully, pointing a finger at the television.

    Timmy cringed, and Tabitha clapped her hands in glee, grabbing the bowl of popcorn from Zombie Charity's hands to shove a handful into her mouth.

    Grace Bennett zipped past, fighting ferociously with Fluffy to free herself, wailing, "SSSSSSSAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!"

    Timmy leaned forward in his seat when the picture on the television changed to. "That's Sheridan! Princess, Timmy and Tabby have to tell Luis."

    "Put a sock in it, Batting for Brains," Tabitha clamped a hand over Timmy's frantically working mouth.

    A muscled himbo was leading Sheridan in a truly inspired dance! It was utterly magnificent!

    "Oh, Brian! I know the steps to the Hokey Pokey!"

    "You're a natural, Diana," said himbo gushed. "You even knew that special step my baby sister taught me before I skipped town and left my family in a bind. Stick your nose in, stick your nose out. Stick it in everybody's business, that's what it's all about!"

    "Diana?!" Timmy's face scrunched up. "Who's Diana? Where's Sheridan?"

    "Your sister sounds like someone I knew once. Brian," Sheridan's face grew more and more animated. "Maybe she knew my Dead Lover!"

    "I LOVE you, Diana," Brian announced suddenly, leaning forward to steal a kiss from her.

    Timmy closed his eyes.

    Sheridan closed her eyes.

    Brian closed his eyes. "Diana.that was amazing. You're amazing. Diana.Diana?"

    Zombie Charity snorted when the blond bombshell snored loudly, and Brian beamed back at her, more lovesick than ever. "I think it's time to change the channel, doncha think?"


    "Whitney Russell," Tabitha finished for him, popping another kernel of popcorn into her mouth.

    Whitney pranced and prissed around Harmony Hospital provocatively, even stopping to straddle a geriatric patient's wheelchair.

    T.C. pounded Chad in a far corner while Simone pulled at Eve's hand, "Mom, something's wrong with Whitney."

    Whitney gyrated her hips, belting out a number Timmy was oddly familiar with.

    "That's not Whitney's voice!"

    "Do you believe in life after love.after love.after love."

    "Tabby, why does Whitney sound like.Cher?"

    "I can feel myself."

    The Wicked Witch music from the Wizard of Oz cued, and Ivy Crane's wheelchair zipped by the bewildered Russell family.

    Rebecca Hotchkiss in a hurried waddle to catch up with her. "I'm Mrs. Crane!"

    "Becky.puh-leaze," Ivy cackled haughtily as her wheelchair burst through the double doors of the PSYCHO ward. "I'm Mrs. Crane!"

    "I'm Mrs. Crane! Mrs. Julian Crane!" a shrill voice sounded,

    Ivy and Rebecca followed the accompanying sounds of screaming.

    "I did it all for Ethan! It's all Ivy and Rebecca's fault."

    Norma raised her ax up in the air, her eyes wild, preparing to hack off the ten-root long nose attached to PSYCHO ward's newest occupant.

    "But Doctor," Theresa pleaded, as two orderlies TRIED to maneuver her into her padded room. "I didn't do anything wrong. I'm innocent," she sobbed, shoulders trembling beneath her strait jacket and rivulets of mascara dripping down her scrunched up nose.

    "Dr. is she doing? How is my Theresita doing?" Pilar wrung her hands, glaring in Ivy and Rebecca's direction. "What she says is true, Doctor. None of what happened is my Theresita's fault."

    Dr. Sanchez stepped back in horror as a tiny twig sprouted on the end of Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald's nose.

    "Luis, you can't let them do this to me. I'm your sister. I love.ETHAN! ETHAN! You have to help me. You're the only one who can," Theresa cried out when she saw Ethan standing behind the glass windows, Gwen by his side. "There's only you, Ethan. You're the only one that matters!"

    The frown on Luis's face turned into a scowl as Hank yanked him aside by the arm and shoved Beth into his chest.

    "You have to move on, Buddy. Beth's the perfect woman for you. She can make you forget all about Sheridan before the 6-month anniversary of her fiery death."

    "Luis, I'm here for you," Beth gazed up at Luis adoringly.

    "Beth's not Luis's true love. Sheridan is. Turn it off, Tabby. Turn it off," Timmy pleaded.

    "Sheridan," Luis whispered with a faraway expression on his face.

    "Gag me," Zombie Charity stuck a finger down her throat. "This stuff STINKS! Who wants to watch this shit?"

    "Thank you," Timmy sighed in relief, scrambling down from the sofa and scooting off toward the kitchen.

    Zombie Charity sniggered as she watched 'Aunt Grace' getting the whipping of her life by 65 pound Fluffy in the Bennetts' backyard, cries of "SSSSSAAAAMMMM" still escaping her lips in faint gasps of breath.

    Tabitha rolled her eyes and decided to join Timmy in the kitchen for some lovely Martimmys.

    An image flickered atop the television set, and REAL Charity appeared, shivering from her bun-covered head to her pruney toes. "Can anybody hear me? Help. Help. Someone please help me. Is anyone out there? Does anybody care? Miguel! Miguel! Miguel!"

    "Oh shut up!" three voices shouted in unison.

    "I guess not," REAL Charity pouted. "Aunt Grace? Anybody? Nobody misses me? Nobody even cares."


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts