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hdewey
4.15.08, 7:08 PM
Q. What do you call a fish without an eye ?

hdewey
4.15.08, 7:09 PM
A. A fsh.

Lynjay
4.16.08, 5:53 AM
Have always loved that joke - lol - just brightened up my day, thank you

hdewey
4.17.08, 11:32 PM
Quips on exercise

1 - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where in the worldl she is.
2 - The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
3 - I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4 - I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
5 - I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6 - I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7 - I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8 - The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
9 - If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country.
10 - I don't jog; it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. Last but not least... It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

hdewey
4.22.08, 9:31 PM
A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a lady in front turned around, slapped the man, and left in a huff. The little girl remarked, "I didn't like her either, Daddy. She stepped on my toe, so I pinched her."

hdewey
4.24.08, 9:25 PM
A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

Dragonmom
4.25.08, 9:48 PM
Love The Fish One..ha Ha Ha

hdewey
5.8.08, 8:08 PM
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

Until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?"

JulieK1B
5.9.08, 3:28 PM
Thanks for posting these great jokes! And welcome to the board hdewey!!:)