to the Message BoardCoffeerooms Ally McBeal

The show opens with Ally getting ready for bed. She rolls over in bed, and sees Al Green beside her bed singing to her. Ally starts crying, and then starts singing with Al. The two of them dance. Ally continues to sing, and we see Renee watching her from outside the door. Renee tries to talk to Ally, but Ally tells her to get out.



Ally and Renee are reading the newspaper the next morning. Renee stares at Ally for awhile, and finally tells her she’s really worried about her. Ally says that she knows her fantasies aren’t real. She knows she couldn’t get lucky enough to find someone who could sing her life. She says her heart is broken;
"I don’t mean Billy broken, or Greg broken, or any man in particular. It’s just one gigantic stress fracture." Ally tells Renee to call Elaine and tell her she’s taking a few days off work, to be home where everything is beautiful.


Renee has gone to the firm to talk to Elaine. Some of the gang are also in the room, and Renee tells them how upset Ally is. Renee wants John to go talk to Ally, since he’s the only one who can really connect with Ally. Nelle looks a bit ticked at that. Richard says that Ally needs someone to talk some common sense into her, and he’s the one to do it. Richard says that he’d send Billy, but he might kiss her. Nelle says that no one should go, let Ally just behave like a 10 year old. Renee says that someone is going to talk to her, that’s what friends do. John says that he’ll go, but Nelle objects. Richard says he’ll go.


Richard is in Ally’s bedroom, trying to talk some sense into her. He says that if Ally wants a guy, she needs to go out and grab one. That’s why God gave men
"the handle" to latch onto. She shouldn’t just wait for someone to come to her. She should "just suck it up, get a grip." Ally says that she doesn’t want a relationship right now, she’s focusing on her career. Ally’s nose starts growing after that statement.



Renee shows up at the apartment as Richard leaves. Ally learns that Renee sent him there, and she’s angry. Renee doesn’t get Ally’s fantasy world, and says that Ally used to always be in control of that world until now. Ally says she’s finally starting to deal with the fact that her fantasy guy isn’t out there. Renee admits to eavesdropping on her conversation with Richard, and says that she agrees with him on one point. They need to go out there and look for a man. Renee says that they’re going to be
"dating machines". Ally says she can’t. What about her hair?


Ally finally drags herself into work, and everyone is quick to ask how she is. Ally tells Elaine that everyone is looking at her
"Like she’s an escaped mental patient." Ling approaches and says hello and Ally drags her into her office. Ally beats around the bush, and finally asks Ling if she could do her hair and makeup for her. Ally is going to start putting herself out there, and would like to look her best. Ling then relates a story to Ally, about a friend who realized she liked women instead of men. Ally listens, but doesn’t understand how it pertains to her. Ling asks Ally to stick out her finger. She asks if she can lick Ally’s finger. Ally says ok, and then Ling says, "Ewww, gross." Richard walks in and Ling says that she tricked Ally to see if she’s a lesbian, and she thinks she is. Ally goes running after screaming that she’s not a lesbian. She runs into Ms. Camaro in the hall, and her face changes color.



Ms. Camaro follows Ally back into her office, and says that Ally hates lesbians. Ally says she doesn’t, she even wishes there were more of them. That way there would be more men out there. Ally asks Ms. Camaro why she’s there, and she learns that Ms. Camaro is suing an insurance company for not covering fertilization charges. Ally says good luck, and quickly leaves the room.


Ally has gone into the unisex, and frightens John. He does some flips, and finally dismounts into the stall across from him. He ends up hanging over the top of the stall and Ally helps him down. They make sure each other is ok, and John is worried about Ally. He tells her, "Your eyes have looked dead to me lately." He said it’s like the hope has drained out of her. Ally said he’s the one who drained her of hope by telling her that she’ll only be happy in her fantasy world. Ally says she’s going to fix herself up, and go on a mad dating spree. She WILL find the man who’s out there looking for her.


Ally is on her dating spree, and she’s at the bar. Several dates pass, and Ally has danced with a bunch of different guys. Her hair looks nice, it’s all wavy. None of the dates turn into anything though. Renee doesn’t seem to be having much luck with her dates either.
Afterwards, Ally and Renee talk about the dating disasters up in Ally’s office. Renee heads home, and Ling walks into Ally’s office. She says there are good men out there, but they don’t hang out in bars. Ling says she’ll round up some good men on her way to work tomorrow, then Ally can pick one out.



John and Ally are talking in the unisex, and John’s showing her his Barry White thing. Ally tries to hear it, but it doesn’t work for her. John tries again when Elaine comes in. He hears Barry, and Elaine looks over, and comes up behind him, dancing. Elaine walks away from him when Nelle walks in. John says they’re talking about some body therapy. Nelle looks ticked again, and drags John out of the unisex. Elaine leaves to get the scoop, and Ally tries the Barry White thing again. Ms. Camaro comes in, and sees Ally dancing. She smiles, and dances behind her. Ally stops when she realizes that she’s behind her. She tells her good luck on the case, and once again quickly leaves her.


Nelle and John are discussing Ally. Nelle is upset that Ally always runs to him with her problems. John says that Ally is a friend, and is that concept totally foreign to her? Nelle
says that Ally is having a crisis about finding the right man, and should just settle like everyone else does. (ouch) Nelle says that everyone settles for the mate they end up with. John doesn’t like the sounds of that, and wants to know if she’s settled for him. She dodges the question by saying she’s not talking about them. Ally interrupts them, and wants to talk to John when he has a second. Nelle says,
"He has one now." and leaves. John says Nelle feels threatened that he connects with Ally’s inner world. Ally wonders if she’s crazy when she retreats to her room and imagines her perfect man. Her favorite image is riding on a merry go round with her man, on one of the carriages. John tells Ally of one of his fantasies, he pitched a no-hitter in his room. John tells Ally a story of getting cut from softball when he was 9, so he started an imaginary team. His memory of the no-hitter was just as real as any other, and that it wasn’t crazy. John leaves when Richard walks in.


Richard asks Ally for her help with Ms. Camaro’s case. He also tells her that Ling has rounded up the her men, and they’ll be there at noon.


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Elaine goes into the unisex in search of Nelle. She goes in a stall, and up over the top into Nelle’s stall. She knows that Nelle is upset, and tries to get her to talk about it. Nelle gets really angry, and tells Elaine to get out of her stall. John walks in and hears their conversation. Nelle threatens to kick Elaine in the shin if she doesn’t leave. Elaine doesn’t leave, so Nelle kicks her. Elaine backs out of the stall in pain, saying "That bitch." Elaine hobbles out of the unisex, and John tries to talk to Nelle. She screams at him to get out. John stutters, and ends up with "Pooper."



Ms. Camaro is on the stand telling her side of things. The insurance company covered other infertility claims for other people in her office. Ms. Camaro has not been diagnosed as infertile, and doesn’t think she should have to try to have sex the old fashioned way to have the insurance company cover the expense.

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Ling announces to Ally that her men are here, and to pick one. There is several dozen men standing there looking for Ally’s approval. Ally looks them over, and gets their names and business cards. Elaine is standing in the middle of the men, looking very happy.



Nelle and John are talking again about Ally. Nelle wants John to throw Ally out the next time she comes looking for emotional support. Nelle doesn’t like Ally, or her influence on John. She says that John has a tendency toward fantasy land too, and doesn’t want him around Ally. John realizes that Nelle is jealous of Ally. John says that anger is not an attractive quality on Nelle, and she says,
"Too bad." She imitates John, and stutters while saying Poughkeepsie, and settles for "Poop. Get out!" John puts on his smile therapy smile as he leaves the room. Nelle complains about that smile too.



Ally tells Ling that she’s rejected all of the men she brought in. She doesn’t want to have a man who can just be dragged off the street. Ally says she feels really bad for Ling. She says,
" If you have such a low opinion of men, that they’re only ruled by their dumbstick, and you have such little faith in relationships, then what kind of a guy are you going to end up with?" Richard immediately walks up and calls Ling his "Crouton". Ling says that Ally’s problem is that she doesn’t really want to meet anyone, since no one can compete wtih her fantasy man. She says it’s just easier for Ally to pretend she hasn’t met him yet. Ally says she WILL meet him.


Richard tries to talk to John, but John doesn’t feel like talking. Nelle is standing right there where John stutters, and ends up with "Pecker". He then tells Nelle to make fun of that and goes stomping off.


Ms. Camaro comes in to talk to Ally, who calls her a fraud. Ally says that Ms. Camaro is a fraud for suing an insurance company. She says that sends a message that infertility makes a woman disabled. She says that Margaret wants to have a baby, because at the end of the day, she doesn’t feel whole without one. Margaret says she doesn’t mind Ally wanting a man in her life, but she rejects the notion that Ally’s life is empty without a man. Ally tries to explain things, and ends up singing. She decides to go home so she can pitch
"her no-hitter."


Elaine interrupts Nelle and Richard, and tells Richard there’s a problem with John. John is in the unisex continuously doing dismounts. Richard yells at him to stop, but he says he will when he’s ready. Nelle yells at him, and clears the room. John finally stops and crashes into the stall in front of him. Nelle tells him that anger is not any more attractive on him, but it’s a little more exciting. John replies that she made fun of his smile therapy and his stuttering, she’s a mean woman. Nelle says she felt threatened since he connects with Ally on an odd, but fundamental level. She’s afraid that if John holds the same theory as Ally (waiting for the perfect mate) that he’ll find she’s not the one for him. Nelle doesn’t want kids, doesn’t get his inner world, and doesn’t understand the Barry White thing. Nelle knows they have differences, but wonders why they can’t meet somewhere in the middle. She tells John to pick one thing, and she’ll work on it. They turn to look in the mirror, and Barry White starts playing. Nelle groans while John says loving Barry is non negotiable, she HAS to love him. She replies with,
"But I’m beginning to love YOU! Don’t you get that?" John looks very shocked at that statement. Nelle says she’s insecure that he’ll run to Ally. John says he’s not going anywhere, and after all- she did give him a frog. He says, "I’m beginning to love you too." They smile and kiss and hug each other.



Ally and the gang are downstairs at the bar while Vonda sings
"I Know Him By Heart"
The last scene shows Ally riding the carriage on the merry go round. She seems to be deep in thought, and then finally seems at peace, and smiles a nice smile as the credits roll.

summary by allyfan98


It is so funny we laugh hysterically, yet other parts can make you cry.
Special thanks to allyfan98
Photographs courtesy of Fox Network

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