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Greetings, soap fans -- I’m back! During my vacation, I barely
caught a glimpse of OLTL, so I was shocked to return home and find poor Nora still MIA! While I’m glad I didn’t
miss her happy homecoming, I was disappointed to find that none of the major storylines had made much progress
– COME ON!! When a storyline drags on too long, suspense stops building and apathy sets in.
Speaking of apathy – is anyone glued to their set over the trials and tribulations of Rae Cummings? Max managed
to convince Rae that Daniel was lying when he fingered Max as Rae’s heir apparent. Let’s hope he’s right and we
can relegate the Max/Rae connection to red herring status (and a foolish one at that – surely there’s no more than
15 years between these two – if that!). Then Rae hurt John’s feelings by bellyaching about what a mistake it was
to return to Llanview. (Boo hoo) By Friday, they’d managed to patch things up with Rae planting an Al Gore-esque
smooch on "Tipper" Sykes – yikes! I’m sorry, but this couple is strictly fast-forward fodder, and I don’t
give a hoot about the identity of Rae’s mystery offspring. Here’s hoping Rae decides to pay a long visit to mama
Myrtle in Pine Valley.
The Jess/Will/Cris mess continues, but at least there were some new developments this week. Anyone else notice
that the Jess/Cris scenes are an exact replica of the Jess/Will scenes after Cris left town with Roseanne? Apparently
Jessica can only make a commitment to one guy when the other one makes the decision for her. And that fact that
she’s talking marriage just makes things worse.
Cris continued to dig a deeper and deeper hole for himself (just like Will did). Each lie begat another one, and
he even stole Jessica’s mail (a letter from Will). A surprisingly resourceful Will managed to call Jess and let
her know that a letter was on the way. So will Cris do the right thing and confess to Jess (as Antonio advised)
or keep up with the lies and deception (Roseanne’s suggestion)? Who knows (dare I say, "who cares?")?
Eventually, Cris’s conscience got the better of him and he gave the letter to Jess. For a moment, I thought she’d
rip it up and this whole thing would drag out even further, but happily she didn’t. Unhappily for Cris, once Jess
found out the truth, she pulled her usual number ("How could you do this to me" "I trusted you"
blah, blah, blah"). Now, I’m not defending Cris (his moves were straight out of the Roseanne playbook), but
I’m fed up with Jessica’s shallow emotions. When she says, "I love you," what she really means is "I
love you until you disappoint me in some way." When Will lied, she blew him off and went crying to Cris, and
now she’s pulling the same stunt in reverse. This girl is not ready for marriage to anyone!
Armed with the knowledge that Will still loves her, Jess headed straight for the airport and bought a one-way ticket
to Ireland (way to flash that plastic, girl!). Cris tried to stop her, but Jess refused to listen. An angry Cris
told her not to look back. Is it really over between these two? What Jess doesn’t know is that she may have some
competition in the form of a pretty young American girl who’s helping Will hide from the police.
The biggest thing that happened while I was away was the shooting at Crossroads, which apparently made Kevin realize
he wants Kelly in his life and Blair realize she still loves Max. Yessiree, there’s nothing like hot lead to melt
a cold heart! Apparently, the key to getting a troubled romance back on track is to take a bullet – seems a bit
extreme to me!
Even poor betrayed Joey had a change of heart. Joey even took some of the blame for his failed marriage to Kelly
(telling her he never should have left her to go to Europe all those years ago). Mark my words, some day Kelly’s
gonna realize she gave up a true-blue guy to chase after a serial heartbreaker.
Newly committed to her marriage, Blair realized she had to move fast to stop the anti-Max computer virus. There’s
just one problem. Charlie the computer guy say’s it’s too late. Good!
Apparently there also were a few developments in the budding Roseanne/Antonio/Sophia triangle, though Antonio still
seems clueless about Sophia’s crush. I applaud Roseanne for calling Antonio on his B.S. – ogling her one minute
and pushing her away the next. I just wonder why she bothers with him. After all the stuff she went through with
Cris, doesn’t she want a man who pursues her for a change? As for Sophia, I hate to see her pining for Antonio
if he’s got the hots for Roseanne. Didn’t she learn her lesson playing second fiddle to Kelly?
While Cris was snagging Will’s letter to Jess, Todd snatched up Will’s letter to Sam. Too bad Will didn’t spend
a bit extra for registered mail! Sam continued to thaw towards Todd and wasn’t even mad when Todd started nosing
into the question of Matthew’s paternity. Todd asked Sam when he would give up the search for Nora. Replied Sam,
"when I find her." I just have one question: why is Todd hiding Nora?
R.J. pressured Lindsay to keep up her end of their bargain (information on Matthew’s paternity test) by threatening
to give her "a taste of your own medicine." A scared Lindsay offered R.J. information on Todd to buy
time. It worked. Whatever R.J. feels about Bo, his hatred for Todd is 10 times more intense.
R.J. wasted little time in "convincing" Todd to come back to his place for a little "chat."
Todd made the mistake of taunting R.J. about Tea and soon found himself trussed up with duct tape with a bomb sitting
on his lap. R.J. ain’t playing! Todd tried to laugh it off, but even the cold-blooded one was getting a little
hot under the collar. Luckily for Todd, Roseanne stopped by and spotted him and went for help. Rats! Who needs
those two keystone juniors, Antonio and Sophia, spoiling the fun?
Actually, my fantasy scenario involves Todd buying his life by telling R.J. about Nora. Wouldn’t it be great if
R.J. was the one to rescue Nora and bring her home! Unfortunately, Antonio and Sophia muscled their way in and
arrested both R.J. and Todd (the bomb turned out to be fake). Darn it! Just when things were getting interesting.
R.J. and Todd have great chemistry as adversaries – I hope the show makes note of that fact.
Meanwhile Asa and Sam were facing off in court over a paternity test for Matthew. It looked bad for Sam since Asa
had stacked the deck with his crony judge and subpoenaed Lindsay for good measure (to testify to the fact that
she’d altered with the original paternity test). But Bo (newly bearded and looking remarkably "refreshed")
arrived in the nick of time to spike Asa’s guns. Nice to see Sam win one for a change.
Sam told Bo that Nora was alive (I wish he’d told R.J., who would’ve quickly put two-and-two together about Lindsay
and the memory-erasing drug). Naturally, Bo looked shocked, but did he also look happy? Who can say. Sam asked
Bo to get the police involved, but Bo said he didn’t have enough evidence (since does the LPD need evidence)? Actually,
Bo seemed a lot more interested in chatting up Melanie than getting down to the business of looking for Nora.
Back at the convent, Nora suddenly came to, grabbed some duds, and split. That drug Lindsay gave her seems to have
aided her physical recovery ‘cause she was walking pretty good! When Todd returned, he gave Sister Agatha a tongue-lashing
for letting his "wife" take a hike. Funny stuff.
Meanwhile, Sam and Bo had cooked up a plan to try and force Colin and/or Lindsay to confess. Colin played it cool
and refused to be drawn in, but after he left, Bo told Lindsay it was her last chance to come clean. Catherine
Hickland was masterful in delivering Lindsay’s response. Looking around the room at her three accusers, Sam, Melanie,
and Bo, Lindsay bitterly berated them for their "betrayal"– even though she’s completely guilty! That’s
the beauty of Lindsay’s character: Whatever horrible thing she does, it’s always someone else’s fault for driving
her to it. But Lindsay’s angry words rang hollow when the door opened and Todd beckoned someone to enter: Nora!
SNIPPETS
· It
would’ve been nice of Jessica to let Sam know Will is in Ireland. And can you believe the snotty way she snapped
at Renee about Will?
· Although
I’m glad to see some fresh blood in the beyond-tired Will/Jess/Cris triangle, I wish this new girl provided a better
contrast to Jess. Or is the plan to give each Will and Cris their own blonde rich girl?
· John
Sykes has become a total pill. I’m fed up with him neglecting his job, running around Llanview glued to Rae’s side,
and threatening to haul people down to the station on zero legal pretext.
· What
a difference a haircut makes! With his hair combed down over his forehead, the previously uber-gorgeous David Fumero
(Cristian) looks like a dork.
· Diner
scenes depress me with no Carlotta behind the counter.
· Given
the out of sight/out of mind parenting skills he displays towards his three other children, why is Max so eager
to make a baby with Blair?
· I
think Roseanne would make a better cop than either Antonio or Sophia. She keeps a cool head and thinks fast on
her feet.
· I
never thought I’d say this, but I am officially "over" Bo and Nora. In fact, I’m rooting for Nora/Colin.
Any other "Cora" fans out there?
· When
Bo asked Melanie if Colin was capable of hiding Nora, why didn’t she tell him about Colin’s claim that he’d been
working on a woman who might have been Nora at the crash site?
· How
dare they tease me with the promise of a Fitzy appearance – only to toss in a last-minute substitution! Luckily,
I did get my Fitzy-fix by week’s end – whew!
· Asa
was in fine form at the paternity test hearing. Some of his gloating expressions were hilariously over the top!
· I
had to rub my eyes at the sight of Herve Clermont (Jared Hall) testifying at Todd’s preliminary hearing. I guess
he’s not completely out of the OLTL picture.
· Hey
good looking! Thumbs up to R.J’s groovy new sports shirt in shades of black and gray, while Roseanne looked summertime
sweet in her two-piece white rosebud-patterned ensemble. More fashion kudos to a pair of ultra-sleek pantsuits:
Blair in bold sky blue and Lindsay in soft subtle rose.
· Memo
to Rae: the pashima is sooo over!
· Good
use of history in the allusions to the twins’ kidnapping and Max’s former gambling addiction.
· Gee,
all Kelly had to do to get Kevin’s attention was get shot. Is he worth the effort?
· LOL
at Sophia’s announcement that she and Antonio were now officially cops: "We’re the man!"
· I
was a big Patrick Thornhart fan, but frankly, I’ve seen enough OLTL-does-Ireland to last a lifetime. Bring Will
home and wrap this up!
· Cute
scene at the hospital between Kelly and Blair.
· There’s
no way Hank would go out of town if there was a chance Nora might be alive!
· Cris
and Jess should take a good long look at Kelly and Joey: sometimes first love doesn’t have what it takes to for
the long haul.
· I
guess it’s become trendy to bash OLTL. First ABC suit Felicia Minei Behr, then Soap Opera Weekly’s Marlena, and
now TV Guide’s often entertaining, sometimes irritating Michael Logan. I agree the Nora-held-captive story went
on too long, but to accuse HBS of giving a bad performance? What show was he watching?
Till next week!
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