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What a kick-butt week! Monday’s episode alone had more action
than three months of All My Children. OLTL rules!
Unfortunately, a major portion of Wednesday’s show was preempted due to local coverage of the Lakers victory parade
and ensuing bad "fan" behavior – boo! (Midge hates sports!).
Over at Buke Manor, Asa continued to put the moves on an increasingly nervous Roseanne, till "hero" Antonio
dashed in to make the save (Asa dubbed him the "cavalry" – LOL!). Next thing you know, Antonio had dragged
Roseanne out the door and was yelling at her for her lack of self-esteem (she said she might be willing to sleep
with Asa to help Cris). I’ve always heard that screaming people is an excellent way to boost their self-esteem
– NOT! Roseanne reminded Antonio of all the rotten things he’d said about her in the past, and Antonio seemed a
bit chagrined.
After the big scene at Bo’s over the whole Matthew paternity brouhaha, Sam stormed off. So Bo followed Sam home
and attempted to reason with him. Not surprisingly, Sam refused to even consider the possibility that, a.) Lindsay
might be telling the truth, and b.) Matthew might not be his son.
Realizing Sam was in no mood for rational discussion, Bo left; hoping that time alone with his thoughts might give
Sam more perspective.
Back at Bo’s, Melanie confronted her sister about setting her up and demanded she come clean to both Bo and Sam.
Way to show some backbone, Lainie! Lindsay flat out refused and told Melanie she’d better continue to cover for
her because she (Melanie) owed her (Lindsay) big time. And that’s when we finally got Lindsay’s backstory: the
childhood trauma that sowed the seeds for the woman she is today. Apparently Lindsay was the daughter of wife number
one, a bitter reminder of a failed relationship to dear old dad, while Melanie was the chosen one, the favored
daughter of wife number two. Melanie readily (and guiltily) acknowledged that Lindsay had gotten the short end
of the stick as a child. A thwarted daddy’s girl – such are the roots of present-day Lindsay’s yawning chasm of
need. It fits.
Sensing Melanie’s guilt and pity, Lindsay laid it on thick, telling her sister Bo meant everything to her and that
he was her one chance at something good out of life. Melanie backed off and promised to keep Lindsay’s dirty trick
a secret. Way to be a wimpy weakling, Lainie!
Back at Colin’s house, Nora continued to sell the good doctor on hiring her to stop his divorce. Nora advised him
to file a counter suit and asked if he had any ammo to use against his wife. Colin admitted she had strayed – once.
When Nora asked the man’s name, Colin clammed up, choosing to keep that particular tidbit to himself for the time
being.
Then he got on the horn to Lindsay and told her he was seriously considering Nora’s offer. Meanwhile, Nora had
seen Sam’s name on the divorce papers as Melanie’s attorney. The pieces of the puzzle are beginning to come together
for Nora. She promptly accused Colin of keeping her captive to pay Sam back for helping Melanie with the divorce.
It’s not the whole story, but still a pretty good deduction on Nora’s part.
Lindsay left Melanie at Bo’s and hotfooted it over to Colin’s. When Bo returned, it was quite apparent these two
have a major jones for each other. Bo confided that he and Lindsay are "just friends" for now, but loyal
Melanie asked Bo to give her wayward sister another chance. Then she gave Bo the 411 on Lindsay’s unloved childhood.
Boo hoo! Is she suggesting that Bo marry Lindsay to boost her ego even if he no longer loves her?
Over at Colin’s, Lindsay pulled out all the stops to convince him to keep Nora under wraps for a few more weeks.
No dice, said the devilish doc. That’s when Lindsay brought out the big guns, threatening Colin with the loss of
his medical license. If I go down, so do you, replied Colin, and I’ve got a bounced check with your signature that
proves you’re involved. Suddenly, Colin was summoned to Cherryvale. There was a problem with one of his patients:
Viki Carpenter!
Viki’s second round of chemo wasn’t going well. Lucky thing Ben was there to take charge. Seems she had an allergic
reaction to the treatment. Ben demanded that Viki’s doctor (Colin) be summoned. When he arrived, Ben gave him an
ultra-stern lecture for not being there for the treatment. Colin took the scolding with good grace and apologized,
but Ben continued to berate him. I realize Ben is worried about Viki, but he didn’t have to be so rude! Notice
how all the men display an immediate distaste for lady-killer Colin (Ben, Joey, Kevin, Sam, Bo), while most of
the women are charmed by his smooth manner.
Meanwhile, Lindsay had snuck back into Colin’s house (she’d snagged his house keys) to retrieve the telltale bounced
check. Upstairs, she found Nora passed out on the floor (she’d been attempting to escape). She checked her pulse
and seemed disappointed Nora was still alive. Then she searched the room for the check (overlooking the all-important
tape, yet again) with no luck. As she turned to leave, Nora grabbed her ankle (a la Carrie), and Lindsay let out
a scream. Cool!
I missed the next part due to parade preemption (grrrrr), but from the recaps, it appears that Lindsay called Colin,
Colin took Nora to the Cherryvale ER, and Lindsay found the check and burned it.
Just as Lindsay was burning her bounced check, Melanie showed up. Lindsay covered by explaining that a devastated
Colin had been burning the divorce papers (not a bad lie), then she tried to guilt-trip Melanie about the divorce.
When Melanie wondered if Lindsay was giving Colin solace, Lindsay acted all offended. Melanie offered to stay and
hash things out with Colin, but Lindsay talked her out of it (worried he might return with Nora). Looks like Melanie
is becoming increasingly suspicious of Lindsay’s motivations and involvement with Colin. Way to use your brain,
Lainie!
Back at the Cherryvale ER, Colin was working overtime trying to keep Nora’s presence a secret. This whole situation
has snowballed and Colin would love to find a way out. He is sympathetic toward Nora and again promised to get
her back to her family. But when he found out Lindsay had destroyed the check, he realized he’d get stuck with
all the blame.
Back at Colin’s, Nora’s new strategy is the silent treatment, but she dropped the act long enough to reveal she’d
seen Lindsay at his house. Colin covered cleverly by showing Nora a picture of Melanie and explaining that the
woman Nora had seen was his estranged wife. Struck by the resemblance, Nora bought the story – for now.
Colin is pretty glib but how in the world can he get out of this jam? IMO, his best bet would be to come clean
with Nora and tell her Lindsay is blackmailing him. It’s the truth!
Despite her promises to Bo to back off, Lindsay again tried to convince Sam to agree to another paternity test.
But Sam’s eyes are wide open now, and he doesn’t trust Lindsay as far as he could kick her. He refused to listen
to a word she had to say. In fact, Sam called Lindsay "a seriously disturbed woman" and pointed out that
"every word out of your mouth is a lie."
Then Sam had an amazing brainstorm. He asked Lindsay to repeat her story about bribing Jeff Barnes in front of
Melanie (who was shocked and appalled), then called Bo over and demanded he arrest Lindsay for felony bribery.
"Read her her rights, put her in cuffs, and take her to jail." Brilliant move, Sammy, I love it!
Back in Ohio, it was five minutes to show time, and suddenly the Black Dawn started filling up with familiar faces.
Not only was Todd slugging down a brewski, but Max Holden had just walked in, followed by Blair. Todd spotted them,
took cover, and watched.
Max accused Blair of being in Cincinnati to skunk his latest business deal, but Blair batted her lashes and cooed
that she’d made the trip hoping to make up with him. Despite his instincts, Max began to relent. On her way to
the bar, Blair ran into Cris and promised to get Max out of the club. Back at their table, Blair turned up the
heat. Max was responsive at first, and the two left the club. Then Max got suspicious, but before he could return
to the club, someone (guess who?) smashed him in the face with a trash can lid. Max was out cold. Blair spotted
the attacker – it’s Todd! Does this make Todd the hardcore champ? (Midge loves sports entertainment!)
Blair demanded to know why Todd clocked Max. Todd demanded to know what happened to Blair’s hair. What happened
to yours? she countered. Then Blair asked if Todd was stalking her. Todd looked amused. But when Blair asked about
Tea, Todd looked upset and then jokingly (I hope he was joking) said he’d chopped Tea into little pieces and stuck
her in his freezer. Not surprisingly, Blair looked a bit unnerved. Todd explained he’d bashed Max to help her out.
Then Blair filled him in on the whole Jess/Will/Cris saga (guess Todd doesn’t keep up with the Llanview papers)
and asked Todd to help her put Max in a cab. Todd said he didn’t want to get involved and split.
Back inside, Jess was wowing the crowd with her warbling but got nervous when she thought she’d spotted Todd (who
slunk off into the shadows, the better to videotape Jessica’s performance). The crowd gave Jess a standing ovation
and begged for more. Actually, Erin’s singing was a bit more assured this time around, but what’s with these lame
ballads? I thought this was a rock band? After the show, Jess couldn’t shake the feeling she’d seen Todd. Her suspicions
were confirmed when Todd popped up from behind asking for her autograph.
Eventually, Jess told Todd about Viki’s cancer. Genuinely shocked, Todd tried to convince Jessica to return with
him to Llanview. When she wouldn’t budge, he gave her some traveling cash.
Somehow, Blair managed to get Max aboard the Buchanan jet, and on the way back to Llanview, the two get extremely
cozy, even though Max assured Blair he didn’t trust her.
When Max and Blair returned to Buke Manor, Skye was finally released from Asa’s wine cellar. At first, a "tipsy"
Skye acted like she’d been guzzling Asa’s vintage vino, and her loose lips came pretty darn close to sinking Blair
and Max’s ship. Turns out it was all an act, and Skye was more determined than ever to make Blair pay.
Max was appalled by Blair’s cruel scheme. Oh, please! And when Blair told Skye she and Max were now members of
the "Mile High Club," Max got even angrier and chased after a hurt Skye.
Skye told Max she was getting fed up with all the games and wanted to know if they had a future. It’s complicated,
said Max. Come on, Skye, have some pride! Dump this two-timing loser!
Then Ben paid Max a visit to see if he had made any inroads with the old man. Max said he needed more time, and
that’s when Asa strolled in. Ben played it cool and asked Max if he wanted to tell Asa or should Ben do the honors.
Max looked shell-shocked. That’s when Ben told Asa he was… B&B United. Whew! Max’s relief was obvious. Ben
warned Max that next time, he’d have more to say, then left. Asa asked Max what Ben had on him. Good question.
Then Max tried to talk Asa into letting Will off the hook for Jessica’s sake. No way, said Asa; then he questioned
Max’s loyalty.
Taking a page from Asa’s book, R.J. continued his quest for vengeance against Bo. (Wait till he finds out Todd’s
back in town!) R.J. took Jeff Barnes back to Roseanne’s penthouse to discuss their mutual interests in private.
(Apparently, R.J.’s pad is under surveillance – more illegality by the LPD or as R.J. calls them "Bo Buchanan’s
private army.) Barnes gave R.J. the scoop on the whole paternity up-for-grabs scenario. R.J. was mightily amused
and eagerly offered Barnes a pay-off to further his own plans for payback. Go R.J.!
Back at police training (where in a nod to realism, there are now a few more recruits), Sophia wasn’t doing too
hot. First she flunked a written test, and then flopped a test of physical agility and endurance. When she asked
John (who’s one of the instructors) to give her a break, she got a stern lecture from both him and Antonio. Come
to think of it, whom doesn’t Antonio lecture? What’s the deal with this guy? He’s an ex-gang-banger, ex-con, law
school dropout, and marital screw-up, yet he doesn’t hesitate to tell everyone else what they’re doing wrong with
their lives! Eventually, Antonio got off his high horse long enough to coach Sophia on her rope climbing. Sophia
looked mighty grateful…
Over at the Banner, Kelly confronted Kevin about the apology note she’d found in her trash. She accused Kevin of
wanting Joey to find out the truth. In a change of heart, Kevin said the truth should come out. Kelly pointed out
that Kevin had urged her to forget him and stay with Joey. Now that she’s married, it’s too late for them, plus
she and Joey are trying to have a baby. When Kevin said that was a very bad idea, Kelly told him to butt out.
Meanwhile, Rae had gotten another note from Daniel, telling her she’d find her daughter at the Palace. Turns out,
the only person waiting for her was some old lady. (Daniel may be mean, but that is kind of funny.) Kevin suggested
that Rae pretend she’d already found her daughter, which might flush Daniel out into the open. Guess who volunteered
for the part? Kelly.
Of course the week’s biggest news was the return of Todd. And unlike past comebacks, we won’t be subjected to weeks
of lurking. He’s near, he’s here, get used to it.
After hitting town, Todd first called on Sam, but it was anything but a happy homecoming. Todd asked Sam to help
him with his current legal jam (those pesky attempts on R.J.’s life), but Sam was in no mood to play patsy all
over again. Sam has a good memory and still feels betrayed by Todd. When Todd found out about Nora, he made a mean
crack and that really set Sam off.
When Sam asked Todd about Tea. Todd said she’d left him, claiming he’d awoke one morning to find a note and no
Tea. Todd continued to ask for Sam’s help him and mentioned he’d seen Will. Sam told Todd he doesn’t trust him
and wants nothing to do with him. Todd looked hurt and left.
Then Todd snuck into Llanfair and surprised Viki. She seemed somewhat happy (almost relieved) to see him and was
very grateful when he showed her the tape of Jessica. But when Todd admitted he knew about her cancer, Viki got
upset. Viki said she couldn’t deal with him now because she needed all her strength to fight her illness. Then
she took Todd to task for co-opting her deepest secret as a way to get out of trouble (when he faked DID to avoid
jail). When Todd offered to apologize, Viki said his words were meaningless and only his actions mattered. As she
spoke, Viki ran her hands through her hair in a nervous gesture and pulled out a clump of hair. She collapsed in
tears as Todd looked on helplessly. Todd tried to comfort his sister by explaining that some of his favorite people
are bald: G. Gordan Liddy, Dr. Evil, etc.
Like everyone else, Viki had asked Todd about Tea. And like everyone else, she wondered if he’d "done something"
to her. Todd hotly denied it and repeated his story about Tea walking out on him, despite his best efforts to change.
So what’s the deal with Tea? Who knows? Right now, the writers are keeping their options open. Personally, I find
it fairly plausible that Todd would return to Llanview sans Tea. Their relationship was an ongoing emotional minefield.
After Todd left town, Tea did everything to convince the world and herself she’d moved on, but the minute Todd
crooked his finger and smiled his crooked smile, she was back at his side. But day-to-day reality was never this
couple’s strong suit, and maybe, just maybe, Tea finally decided to throw in the towel and make a fresh start.
Can you blame her?
SNIPPETS
• Does Todd have a picture stashed away somewhere a la
Dorian Gray? With shorter hair and less facial fuzz, he looks like a fresh-faced kid, maybe even a little scrawny.
• It’s
interesting that Blair was the first person to see Todd. Does this mean something? I’m not sure they could be a
couple again, but Blair could definitely use an ally in her battle against Asa and Max, and Todd’s pretty good
in a fight.
• Wise
up, Colin! It doesn’t matter if Lindsay burned that check, banks do keep records.
• Unless
Rachel’s coming back (and even then, I have reservations), maybe it’s time to cut Jared loose – the guy has zero
to do.
• This
year’s nod to the Day of Compassion involved Viki’s interaction with a little boy with AIDS. Sweet, but you know
we’ll never see him again. Remember Eli?
• How
touching that Hank wants to put a memorial to Nora in the park -- that’s a lot more than Bo is doing!
• Not
to be nosy, but who’s been shaving Nora’s legs?
• Ben
is at his best when he keeps his cool around Asa and Max.
• Is
Antonio trying to become a cop to impress Andy?
• Maybe
Colin isn’t such a great doctor. First he told Ben no one could’ve foreseen Viki’s reaction to the chemo, then
two seconds later, he said such reactions aren’t uncommon.
• When
Kelly told Kevin she and Joey were trying to have a baby, I kept waiting for Kevin to mention his son Duke as proof
that a child can’t save a shaky relationship.
• If
Jess is so worried about being recognized, why doesn’t she dye her hair or at least wear a hat or shades on stage?
• Look
at all the people in Llanview facing potential jail time: Will, Jess, Cris, Lindsay, Colin, Asa, and Todd. Plus
one who should be: Bo.
• Asa
seemed rather impressed that Ben was behind B&B United.
• Lindsay would really squeal if she heard Nora’s description
of her as "fast-approaching middle age."
• Well,
now we know. Moose the bird is dead. R.I.P.
• Bo
doesn’t realize it, but Sam’s assessment of Lindsay’s motivations is right on.
• After
everything that’s happened, Asa still has no security at the mansion or on his computer?!
• Why
does Blair have to apologize for having sex with her own husband?
• When
Bo confided in Hank about the possible paternity switch, Hank called the story was "vintage Lindsay"
– too true.
Till next week!
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