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A solid--though not awesome--week. Only one major bombshell
dropped (Sam now knows Matthew might not be his son). Rae’s much-discussed Daniel is lurking around Llanview (who
does he think he is, Todd Manning?). Brace yourself, fans, Jess may sing again (another reason this teen tale needs
to wrap-up fast). And in Friday’s last moments, we caught our first glimpse of good ol’ Todd, upending a beer at
the club where Jessica’s performing.
As the week began, Asa was still stewing over his roasting in the local papers when Renee beseeched him yet again
to "do what’s right." She might as well plead her case before a brick wall. Asa is completely convinced
he’s in the right, and there’s nothing Renee or anyone else can say to change his mind. Asa did wonder why Renee
was so down on Max. "If only you knew," she said. How long can Renee put up with this? It’s killing her!
Asa seemed to realize the depth of Renee’s distress and hit her with some emotional blackmail, telling her he’d
have another heart attack if she ever left him. Sounds like an added inducement to me!
Across town, Lindsay was still trying to entice Bo with her "let’s make a baby" pitch. Bo’s response?
Not interested. He tried to let her down easy, telling her the "timing" was off, but Lindsay can recognize
a brush-off a mile away and demanded to know if his feelings for her had changed. Hell yes, they’ve changed! But
instead of giving Lindsay a much-needed dose of brutal honesty, Bo tried to dodge the issue. When Lindsay talked
about getting "intimate" again, Bo gave her the same bad timing excuse. At this awkward moment, Melanie
showed up (and dropped her divorce papers on the floor). Bo practically started drooling. Lindsay didn’t catch
the vibe but did glare daggers at her sister for interrupting. A flustered Melanie left, and Bo followed suit after
giving Lindsay a chaste peck on the cheek. Wake up and smell the break up, Lindsay. Bo has moved on, and it’s got
nothing to do with Nora.
Having seen her divorce papers, Bo followed Melanie back to Sam’s and asked if she’d made a decision. Melanie said
she still wasn’t’ sure and asked Bo what to do. Bo told her not to settle for less, so she whipped out a pen and
signed the papers. Oh brother! "Gee, I’m not sure if I should divorce my lying, cheating husband. Maybe I’ll
ask my one-night stand for advice." I’d respect Melanie a hundred times more if she had made this decision
on her own.
Across town at Crossroads, Ben and Blondie were pitching woo, when Rae and John barged in on them. Apparently,
dastardly Daniel had left a note telling Rae she’d find her daughter there. So they hung around a bit, watching
Ben and Viki make out (ewww and how rude!) and talking about how they both want "the real thing." What
a pair of pathetic lonely hearts. Snore….
After Blendie left, Rae and John continued to wait, killing time by acting like a couple of middle-aged crazies
(mixing up "wild" cocktails and shooting pool blindfolded – ugh) till Sophia showed up in a major funk
over her fumbled first day of training. Sophia talked about quitting because she’d made a fool of herself and everyone
had laughed at her "just like school." Then she confessed her latest scheme: passing herself off as the
missing daughter of the lady in Rae’s column. Rae nipped that in the bud by clueing her in to the fact that it’s
actually her daughter. Sophia apologized and offered to play stand-in till the real daughter shows up. Then Rae
gave Sophia a combination pep talk/lecture on staying the course and everyone hugged.
After Rae and John left, it was revealed that Daniel had been lurking there the whole time. The poor guy must’ve
been bored out of his mind!
All in all, I’m glad Viki and Ben are back together. For one thing, Viki needs her handy-dandy female fantasy figure
to lean on
during her illness and troubles with Jess, and for another thing, Ben is a lot more appealing when he’s relaxed
and happy. Still, the minute these two start getting frisky, I’m reaching for the Pepto.
Well, it was bound to happen. The show broached the subject of s-e-x this week. Viki wanted to make love, but didn’t
know if she was ready. Ben assured her they had all the time in the world, and eventually the lights went out…
I have to commend the show for addressing this issue and handling it so delicately, but sexual passion has never
been this couple’s strong suit (IMO). Awkward under the best circumstances, Blendie’s bedroom antics are downright
excruciating in this current context. Guess that’s why they invented the fast-forward button.
The next day, Asa stopped by to serve Viki with a subpoena (he’s suing the Banner for libel). Viki just laughed
and then jumped on Asa for putting Jess in harm’s way. Asa fired back with his usual skewed take on things, and
then Ben stepped up to the plate.
Ben rather pointedly asked Asa if he’d back off Jess and Viki if Viki were involved with his son. Of course, Asa
thought he meant Clint, but we know better. Asa then heaped a few more insults on Blendie (I think Ben should’ve
punched the old goat) and told Ben he’d back off if all the Rappa-Davidson’s vacated Llanview. No way, said Ben.
I’ll bring those kids home and take you down in the process. And further more, I’m gonna marry Viki, and Jess will
be my stepdaughter. Viki beamed her approval while Asa seethed.
Over at the Carriage House, Kelly was ultra-preoccupied with the "story" she’s working on with Kevin.
Joey was trying to be supportive but feeling a little left out. Kelly apologized and promised to be a better wife
(hell, she couldn’t be a worse one!). When Asa showed up to serve Kelly with her subpoena, Joey righteously defended
her then left for the Banner, but not before Asa predicted that Kelly would betray him too.
Unbeknownst to Kelly, Joey had planned a mid-day getaway for the both of them. He sent Kelly a note asking her
to meet him at the Palace. Naturally, Kelly thought the note came from the other "Mr. Buchanan" and screamed
at Kevin when he showed up at her door. When she realized her mistake, it dawned on her that she had wanted the
note to be from Kevin all along. Duh!
Even though I’m hating Kelly right now for her weak-willed passion for Kevin, I’m loving the fabulous job Gina
T. is doing portraying Kelly’s anguish. Unable control herself around Kevin, Kelly dashed off to the Palace to
assuage her guilt and seek solace in her husband’s arms. But when Joey said, "You can tell me anything,"
the urge to confess became overwhelming. But before she could find the words, Joey told her how lucky he was to
have her and how he’d never survive if he lost her again. Naturally, after all that Kelly had to choke back the
truth. The next thing you know, she was convincing Joey to start a family. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea
– NOT!
Back at the Carriage House, Kevin was trying to compose a note of apology – that’s right, brainiac – leave a damning
paper trail! – when Rae and John showed up. Rae told Kevin it’s really her own daughter she’s searching for (why
did she bother to use the third person, I mean, she blabbing the truth to everyone anyways?!). Rae asked with great
delicacy if she could look through Grace’s things for a clue about Daniel. Kevin said, "Grace who?" (not
really) Actually, Kevin put himself at Rae’s disposal, looking for any distraction from his obsession with his
brother’s wife.
Speaking of tangled relationships, Bo stopped by Sam’s (again!) to discuss his case (w/R.J.). Sam went over legal
strategy with Bo, but when Lindsay showed up and started focusing on Matthew (offering to clip his nails in the
hopes of getting some DNA-testable material out of the poor little tyke), Sam wigged out and told Lindsay to stay
away from his son. Bo realized what Lindsay was up and left in a huff. A confused Melanie asked Lindsay what was
going on. Clever Lindsay realized Melanie would make the perfect patsy in her scheme to get Matthew away from Sam.
So she told Melanie all about the paternity situation. She said Sam knew all about it, and that’s why he was upset
and needed a friend to talk to. Big-hearted Melanie volunteered and Lindsay smiled wickedly. But like every other
Lindsay plan, this one’s bound to backfire.
After Lindsay left, Melanie told Sam she "understands" what he’s going through with Matthew. Do tell,
says Sam. It wasn’t long before Melanie had revealed the whole situation to Sam about Matthew’s questionable paternity.
Needless to say, Sam was mightily pissed.
Bo caught up with Lindsay and gave her a stern scolding. He’s not totally naïve when it comes to Lindsay these
days. He told her to back off and let him handle things with Sam. He also reminded her that Matthew is Nora’s baby,
not hers (making him the third person, after Colin and Asa, to point that out to Lindsay). Lindsay promised to
keep quiet, even though she had just set in motion a plan to reveal the truth to Sam – that’s our Lindsay!
Now up to speed, Sam rushed over to Bo’s and confronted him and Lindsay about Melanie’s revelation. Bo tried to
calm him down, but Sam was livid – especially (and with good reason) at Lindsay. He realized this is just another
scheme to get close to Bo and take Nora’s baby in the bargain. Melanie showed up and apologized for the misunderstanding
(graciously covering for Lindsay – why?). When Sam found out Lindsay had tried to tamper with the DNA tests and
may have succeeded, he really blew his top. If you recall, this all happened during the time Sam was moving heaven
and earth to defend Lindsay against hit-and-run charges -- all the while she was stabbing him in the back!
As far as Sam is concerned, Matthew’s paternity is a closed issue, and he stormed out, but not before becoming
the fourth person to tell Lindsay that Matthew is Nora’s child – not hers. Bo went after him. Then Melanie confronted
Lindsay about setting her up and demanded she tell Bo and Sam the truth – or Melanie would!
Back at Colin’s house, Nora was furious. She accused Colin of keeping her prisoner. When Colin said she had had
visitors but was too doped up to remember the visits, she called him a liar. Then Colin tried a different approach,
telling Nora she was at too much risk for infection to have visitors. Oh really, asked Nora, then why aren’t you
wearing gloves and a gown, and why am I not in a sterile environment? Colin continued to give her the runaround
and said her pain medication was making her delusional. That’s when Nora triumphantly held out a fistful of pills,
thus revealing she’s as lucid as he is. Shocked, Colin warned her she was impeding her recovery by refusing the
medication. He offered to bring in a TV, and that’s when Nora remembered watching her own funeral on television.
Suddenly, she realized two things: a.) everyone in Llanview still believes she’s dead, and b.) she’s entirely in
Colin’s power. Colin tried to comfort her, but she pulled away and told him to never touch her again. Colin acted
hurt and reminded Nora he’d saved her life. Nora recalled his kindness, but told him "You saved my life, but
you don’t own me." Nora begged him for an explanation but Colin left the room.
So what’s happening here? Is Nora gonna fall for Colin or will it be like the Stockholm Syndrome? I’m really liking
Nora again in this story. She has my full sympathy, unlike the self-righteous busybody who was hounding Lindsay
about her pregnancy.
Being trapped and vulnerable is bringing out the best in Nora. I love her gritty attitude and cynical humor, and
I especially love the way her wheels are turning trying to figure how she can manipulate Colin to get her freedom.
When Colin’s divorce papers arrived, Nora immediately honed in on his reaction. I can help you, she told him. I’m
a great lawyer, and I can stop this divorce. Colin was intrigued. Nora told him to hire her and said her fee is
her freedom. There’s an interesting chemistry between these two, they’re sizing each other up and testing each
other’s limits.
The teen trio is now in Ohio, and Cris was more than a little miffed by Will’s selfish decision to stay on the
run with Jess rather than leave the country. And I don’t blame him. I felt sorry for Will for a while, but now
I’m back to hating him. He’s so boring and whiny and selfish. And I hate the clingy way he manipulates Jess, always
bringing up Megan whenever he wants to make emotional inroads with her.
I guess Will’s little conspiracy routine with Roseanne didn’t teach him a lesson because he’s still a sneaky jerk.
This time, he told Heather that "Jose" was a shy virgin who really dug her. Naturally, she started coming
on to Cristian big-time. This allowed Will to sneak off with Jessica.
Cris gave Heather the cold shoulder, but after she left he used her cell phone (she’d dropped it) to call Antonio
and let him know he’s okay and see if any progress had been made with Asa. No such luck. So did the new LPD recruit
tell the cops about the call? No way. Guess he’s following the Bo "Make Your Own Laws" Buchanan rules
of policing.
Meanwhile, Will and Jess had gone off to relive precious memories from their last time on the run. They wound up
falling asleep ‘neath the stars, leaving Cris stuck back at the motel to worry. I’m getting pretty fed up with
Jess too. She gets to make all the rules and string along two guys. What about the "just friends" policy
she laid down? I guess it doesn’t apply to her. When Will and Cris started fighting the next day, Jess pouted and
demanded her two beaus make nice. Why should they? Cris is really getting the short end of the stick.
Jess was acting mopey, and soon Cris (notice it was Cris not Will) guessed the truth about Viki. Jess fessed up,
and Cris gave her Heather’s phone to call home. Speaking of Heather, she conveniently got discovered and is now
on her way to L.A., thus leaving the band high and dry. But Jess was willing to step into the breach. I guess this
is their version of hiding in plain sight: hiding in plain spotlight. Seems kind of dumb to me. I thought Heather
was a scream, and I’m sorry she’s leaving. Mostly, cause that means more mic time for our gal Jess. I love ya,
Erin, but you’re no Christine Aguiliara.
Back in Llanview, Sophia apologized and asked Antonio for another chance. These two could be cute together, but
the show is really rushing things and taking the most juvenile approach. Meanwhile, Antonio is still hectoring
Roseanne at every opportunity, so is that still a romantic possibility as well?
Roseanne was napping at the penthouse when Antonio woke her up. What’s up with that? What gives him the right to
enter her house? She should call the cops. Antonio asked (rudely insisted is more like it) Roseanne to wear a wire
and get the goods on Asa (hasn’t this been tried and didn’t the court rule such evidence inadmissible?). Roseanne
agreed to help, but was Antonio grateful? Hardly! I realize Roseanne has pulled her share of rotten stunts, but
Antonio’s manner towards her is so offensive I’m immediately on her side. If he’s not telling her off, he’s undressing
her with his eyes – not a healthy combination!
All wired up, Roseanne sashayed over to Asa’s and tried to get Asa to buy her silence about what she knew about
setting up Will (hoping to get Asa to admit his involvement on tape). Roseanne worked the plan like a pro, but
good as she is, Asa is just that much better. Plus he’s been at this game a helluva lot longer. Pretty soon, Asa
began acting like a nasty old lech in order to flush out Roseanne’s real motivations. Listening in on the conversation,
Antonio started to get nervous.
SNIPPETS:
• I
can’t believe Carlotta was finally back and they gave her nothing to do!
• Not
only is Heather a better singer than Jess, she’s a better judge of men!
• Sometimes
Rae looks at Viki like she’s in love with her! What’s up with that?
• Melanie
sure got those divorce papers processed in record time.
• How
is John a "great cop" when he didn’t even bother to search Crossroads for Daniel?
• I
almost hope Matthew turns out to be Sam’s after all. I now hold very little hope for a Bo/Nora reunion, and if
Matthew is Sam’s son, Lindsay, Asa, and Bo all lose -- and that’s fine with me.
• Why
didn’t Cris tell Jess about Will’s little trick with Heather?
• How
can Jess learn all those songs so fast?
• Stop
rewriting history! Neither Clint nor Cord left Llanview because of Asa.
• Joey
may be a total chump, but the concern he expressed for Renee and his loyalty to Kelly make me root for him.
• Melanie’s
not as sweet as she tries to play off. Even though she knows her sister is crazy (literally!) for Bo, she’s not
exactly keeping her distance.
• For
Pete’s sake, how long is Skye gonna be stuck in Asa’s wine cellar?
• How
come Roseanne couldn’t put the hidden microphone on herself?
• Poko
Heathen are pretty businesslike for a garage band, asking their roadies to fill out tax forms. Don’t they just
get paid in beer?
• I
realize her outfit is for the stage, but Jess looked extremely silly.
• Sometimes
Marianne (Matthew’s nanny) seems like the most together person in all of Llanview.
• Doesn’t
Kelly recognize Joey’s handwriting by now?
• Colin
should definitely hire Nora. He’s gonna need a good attorney when he’s arrested for kidnapping and that way Nora
can’t testify against him!
Till next week!
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