What?!?!? No show on December 31?? How can Midge ring in the
millennium (even a pseudo-millennium) without OLTL!
Actually, Monday thru Thursday packed enough of a punch that Midge barely missed Friday. This week was all about
couples, couples, couples! Couples coming together, couples falling apart, new couples, old couples, estranged
couples, etc. You really needed a score card to keep track of the players.
There was lots of action on the Jess/Will/Cris/Roseanne front. First, Will confronted Asa about the $100,000 check
he sent Roseanne (letting her believe it came from Will). Asa told Will he was just trying to help him out. (heh
heh) I was hoping that Asa would've lowered the boom on Will by now, but apparently he's biding his time. Asa's
got bigger fish to fry, and Will is more useful to him right now as a weapon against Sam. Which is precisely why
Asa dropped some mighty heavy hints that Will should reconsider his plan to attend Nora and Sam's wedding. Lily-livered
Will complied and blew off his father's wedding. Naturally, Sam was crushed.
Cris manages to find time to brood over Jess even in NYC, but when he's back in Llanview, the Roseanne-sex-distraction
ploy loses most its effectiveness and Jessica becomes a full-time obsession. Cris paid a surprise visit to Kevin
who managed to stop wallowing in his grief long enough to offer Cristian some valuable advice. He told his sister's
obviously still-smitten ex-boyfriend to pursue what he wanted out of life and not wait for a second chance.
R.J. attempted to give Cris a reality check about his behavior (sleeping with one girl while chasing after another),
much to Carlotta's dismay. I've been eagerly awaiting a mother-son heart-to-heart on the subject of Cristian's
love life, and this one didn't disappoint as Carlotta urged her son to follow his heart, "find her, talk to
her before it's too late."
In the meantime, there was a nice adult conversation between Asa and Jess. Usually so bellicose and bombastic,
Asa was surprisingly gentle and sensitive with his granddaughter. It's a side of Asa we rarely see. Asa told Jess
that he'd made a lot of mistakes in his life, including letting Renee go the first time. He also urged Jessica
to remember how she felt about Cristian and follow her heart.
Thus encouraged, Cris tried to find Jess and Jess tried to call Cris. She left a message with Carlotta at the Diner
(which Roseanne soon snagged!). Luckily, Carlotta came along just in time to tell Cris about Jess's message --
Busted! Cris could tell just by looking at Roseanne that she'd pocketed the message from Jess. Roseanne's desperate
tears after Cris discovered her little ruse were truly pathetic.
Finally, Cris sprang into action, making a beeline for Jessica and spiriting her away from Asa's party so they
could talk -- Jess acted kind of mad but didn't object too strenuously. Normally, Midge doesn't approve of the
caveman routine, but Cris -- understandably fed up with small talk -- went right for the body language approach
and planted a big smooch on Jessica.
Even though I'm back to rooting for Cris and Jess (this week), I do think that Jess and Will have a decent enough
relationship (if you overlook Will's deceit), whereas Roseanne and Cristian's happiness seems pretty much limited
to the bedroom. But Midge still contends that both Jess and Cris are confusing gratitude with love.
Kevin showed up for Asa's New Year's Eve bash and promptly lit into his grandfather for the role he played in Grace's
death. Considering the fact that Kevin's been treating innocent people like crap lately, I do think Asa deserved
Earlier in the week, Joey popped the question to Kelly at the Palace dining room (Sophia had a bird's eye view).
Kelly said "yes." Go Joe! I was also happy when Kevin finally noticed that his neediness was causing
problems between Kelly and Joey. Kevin offered Joey a long overdue apology for his recent shabby treatment. (Unfortunately,
Kevin will soon have a lot more to apologize for!)
After promising Joey she'd meet him at Asa's (where Joey told her he was planning a big surprise), Kelly refused
to go the party without Kevin and sat around getting toasted with her boyfriend's brother, exchanging boozy reminiscences
about Grace. Before you knew it, Kelly and Kevin were making out hot and heavy on the sofa!
Okay, okay, he's in pain and she's in pain, but can't someone think about Joey! Kelly's a long-time favorite of
mine, but her behavior here is indefensible. Stop buzzing around Kevin! Why can't the poor slob spend time at home
if he's not in a party mood? And doesn't she have a thought for her fiancé? She knows he's planning a big
surprise for her and she just blows him off to play tea and sympathy with his cry-baby brother!
When the week started, I didn't think Sam and Nora would make it to Tahiti, by the end of the week, I didn't think
they'd make it to the altar -- certainly not by midnight New Year's Eve 1999.
For all his big talk, Bo seemed wound pretty tight as New Year's Eve approached. Even though he adamantly denied
it, I couldn’t help thinking that Nora's impending marriage was affecting Bo. And it didn't take much to give ever-paranoid
Lindsay the same idea. Asa couldn't resist rattling Lindsay's cage by telling her that there was an unbreakable
bond between Bo and Nora. Bo tried (again) to reassure his high-strung sweetie, but you know our Lindsay...
Lindsay is truly a fascinating piece of work. She is working overtime to single-handedly destroy her relationship
with Bo -- and Nora has nothing to do with it (besides being the focus of Lindsay's obsession). Sam and Nora could
be celebrating their golden wedding anniversary and Lindsay would still be freaking out about Bo and Nora reuniting.
It didn't help matters that through some big coincidence Lindsay managed to show up at the dress shop for Nora's
final fitting. Naturally, the two gals got into it, and it wasn't long before Lindsay had ripped a sleeve off Nora's
dress and pushed her to the ground -- then Bo walked in.
When Bo tried to question Lindsay about the incident, she got defensive and accused him of taking Nora's side.
Things continued to escalate until Lindsay had goaded Bo into agreeing with her that perhaps they should reconsider
living together. Finally, Bo got fed up with Lindsay's constant jealousy and insecurity and left to take care of
some police business.
Meanwhile, Nora's car broke down on her way home from the dressmakers and she wound up trapped in a vacant building.
Guess who showed up? Bo! Soon they were locked in together and when he tried to trip the timer on the door, sparks
flew and Bo hit the ground.
While the rest of the world did just fine, Sam and Nora's wedding was not Y2K compliant -- first a ripped dress,
then a stalled car, a crocked judge, lost cell phones, locked doors, and then there's the little matter of Bo's
It's time for another round of "Rate the Party Duds":
As expected, there was a lot of basic black, mixed in with other interesting darker hues -- charcoal and an almost
mahogany brown. Oddly enough, both Dorian and Jess bucked the trend by wearing blue.
Blair's sleeveless black gown was more Vegas than chic with its dramatically plunging back and neckline and back
trimmed in lace. A necklace would’ve given her a more polished look.
Lindsay was also in black and a bit heavy on the glitter. It was a dramatic ensemble, topped off with a beaded
Tea looked very sleek in a slinky sleeveless (almost halter-style) deep brown sequin dress with sheer side panels
and a gold wrap.
Skye was stunning (again) in black with spaghetti straps and the evening's best jewelry (again) -- a lovely necklace.
Kelly looked hip and gorgeous in a midriff-baring two-piece evening set with full skirt and tankini-style top with
tied spaghetti straps featuring a lightly bejeweled bodice and waistband -- too bad she never left the Kevin's
Renee's dress was a deep scarlet, almost eggplant, with a delicate crinkled sheer wrap.
Viki looked wonderful at Sam and Nora's wedding in a deep gray taffeta skirt and black sweater top -- very trendy
and very becoming.
Nora's wedding dress was a two-piece white ensemble: a skirt with filmy overlay topped off by a tailored wraparound
shirt-style taffeta blouse. Personally, I think cream or off-white would've been more flattering as well as more
appropriate, but it was a huge improvement over the dress she married Bo in (remember that pseudo-fifties-style
As for the fellas: Max continued his Mad Hatter look by sporting a radical-chic Che Gueverra-esque beret. R.J.
was looking sharp in his tux at Asa's party. And Ben cleaned up real nice as Sam's best man. Sam looked ok, but
I didn't care for his overly ornate vest.
Here's the final breakdown of who was with who as the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve 1999.
No surprises: Asa & Renee, R.J. & Tea, Viki & Ben
Big surprises: Cris & Jess, Kevin & Kelly, Bo & Nora (though not romantically -- yet!)
Unhappy campers: Joey & Sophia (well, he wasn't happy), Roseanne & Cris, Sam & Lindsay
Not sure where to rate Max and Blair -- they were in a major clinch, but Blair doesn't know where Max is coming
from and he's not telling.
- No sooner had Ben returned to Llanview spouting
a lot of high-minded chatter about knowing what was really important than a summons arrived for him to appear before
the state medical review board -- and pretty soon he was back to breathing fire on the subject of Asa Buchanan.
I don't get it. Asa has money and clout, but so does Viki and so does Sam. Why not stand and fight? If Skye is
Asa's secret weapon, that's downright laughable. Especially, when Ben could call both Renee and Blair, the supposed
victim's mother and wife, to testify in his defense.
- Question: Isn't there a front door or additional
entrance to the building Nora got locked up in -- isn't that part of the fire code. And how about breaking a window?
- If Roseanne was so worried about Jess and Cris
being together, why did she stop and get gussied up before heading over to the Palace to find Will?
- Cris and Will almost got into it this week.
In a real fight, mano y mano, Midge's money's on Cris.
- Why was Lindsay at the dress shop? She said
she was picking up something for New Year's Eve, but what? She was already stunning and totally decked out in her
gorgeous glittery get-up -- was that Lindsay's idea of daywear?
- Kind of a sparse turnout for Nora and Sam's
wedding -- only two other guests plus the judge who will marry them.
- Such good fun watching Nora torturing her wedding
caterers with micro-management.
- Ben finally showed some smarts by figuring
out that Will's no show at Sam's wedding had something to do with Asa.
- So why didn't Rae just pick up the phone to
invite John to the AMC Crystal Ball?
- LOL at the look on Tea's face when she arrived
(late) at the Diner to find Carlotta and R.J. getting into it.
- You gotta love a guy like Joey who raves about
his girlfriend's beauty when she's in a bathrobe and curlers.
- There was another threat on R.J.'s life as
a car narrowly misses him in The Palace parking garage.
- Ouch. Cris sure knows how to throw ice cold
water on a girl's fantasy when he told Roseanne, "We're not getting married."
- I was rather shocked that Nora felt comfortable
enough to stand around in front of Bo clad only in her bustier and skirt!
- After Cris took off in search of Jessica, Carlotta
point blank threatened R.J. if he continued to interfere with Cristian's life. And R.J. seemed to take the threat
seriously. Maybe Carlotta's behind the attempts on R.J.'s life!
Till next week!